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Opposing a psychologist

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Just read an interview with a big name clinical psychologist, sexual psychologist.

For the first read I was like, woah, I really don’t agree with her.
Then had a chat about the piece with a friend of mine and for the sake of being precise in the discussion I kept re-reading the article. The more I read it, the more I was like NO, this is crap!!!
Sure she is highly trained and very experienced in her profession but by what I read, I wonder what kind of partner/s she have/had and how her sex life is … of course it is also possible that again is just a bad journalist who cut some stuff together and ‘sold’ it as an authentic interview.

Anyway … one of the statements were that a woman’s full body is an erogenous zone, but a man has only one of such area. Really?
In my work as well as outside work I had zillions of conversations with clients and friends out of which none would approve the above said.
Not to talk about the men I had sex with, I experienced with all of them that they had multiple areas where if they got played with, I got to see standing results. Also, there are parts of my body where no matter how much one would invest, would never get an erotic response out of me.

Another thing that got me screaming was that she said, couples need not to discuss everything honestly because she says ‘if one is honest then wants to prove her/his point and that is straight way to conflict. Also – she asks – what should be discussed? That what to do? That would be like a GPS.’

Now come on! First of all, being honest does not mean being right.
Being honest means this is what I think, this is what it means to me, this is how I see/feel/understand of whatever it is about.
Being honest means I don’t sugar-coat shit, I don’t do/say/take/accept anything just to please the other while I do not agree.
Being honest gives way to get to know the real person, the real feelings/needs/wants/expectations … and so it gives way to meaningful COMMUNICATION and not to conflict.

What should be discussed? Anything. Everything. Whatever.

And yes, when it comes to sex, do tell your partner your likes and dislikes, let her/him know what works for you. It does not mean sex will become dull since when you have a favourite destination to go to, even the GPS offers different roads that lead there. So is in sex. The final destination is likely a given but the way how you bring your partner there depends on your creativity, enthusiasm, love, care, patience, playfulness, and of course on your physical skills too.
So please, for your sake, for your relationships’ sake do communicate, communicate continuously and communicate honestly!

Circle of hate

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Seriously? In the XXI. century we are still here?
Although we are able to send people into space, we can print out literally anything in 3D, we can contact one another across the Globe by the touch of a button … we are still here that because you can’t face your chickenshit life and have no strength to better yourself you turn onto others and spit hate? Really???

White hates coloured. Coloured hates white.
Straight hates gay. Gay hates straight.
Religious hates atheists. Atheist hates religious.
Vegan hates meat eater. Meat eater hates vegan.
Slim hates fat. Fat hates slim.
Graduate hates uneducated. Uneducated hates graduate.

This list is fucking endless!!!

Each and every one of us can be ugly-spoken about, bullied, hated by someone else. We all can be the subject of it.
Do you see the pattern? You hate someone, someone hates you … and so it goes still the last man standing.

OR you can decide to break the circle and stop hating, bullying, ugly-speaking.

Think about it: does this crap brings you anything constructive, good, nice?
Are you any more rich, beautiful, happy, healthy, any more of a better person? Does your sex life, relationship gets any better from it?
Does it bring you ANYTHING?
For once, be honest with yourself: the answer is an absolute NO.

It only takes away from you. Your energy, focus, peace.

So why are you still participating in this fucked up, no win, mostly media/politics generated ‘game’ that does not benefit you in any way?

You were not born with hate in you and this is a proven fact.
You learnt it somewhere along the line and that means you can unlearn it, drop it, close it out of your life.
It only takes one decision to break the circle off.

And then you’ll have more energy, time, attention that you can turn toward anything that does bring you happiness, satisfaction, riches, health, peace.

Be selfish!
Think of what profits you!

It is simple! Just don’t fall for the ‘game’ they are trying to pull you into! There is no benefit in it for you! There is no gain in it for the individual, only politics and sharks profit from it.

Realize that on this planet there are plants, animals and people, and all three types of beings have plenty of variations.
That’s it.
No less.
No more.

Just be! Enjoy life, have fun, make the most of it!
Love!

FYI

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Important information:
in case you are a member of the so called “snowflake” tribe, who always takes offence on behalf of everyone and everything because you imagine nearly all communication being an attack, then save yourself the heartache and don’t read me.
Thank you.

 

In my thinking, writing, views I tend to get controversial, explicit, sometimes even vulgar, I say as I think, as I feel. No need to think of what might be behind of what I write.
With me is what you see is what you get. 


The so labelled politically correct communication, in my opinion, equals to beating around the bush and sometimes even to plain bullshit. 

I do believe that this phenomenon is polluting our communication because it drives away from real.

Also I find that it became a super shield to all who find pleasure in getting offended, who have nothing better than jump out of their skin every single time they hear something that they can’t identify with, uncomfortable to face, don’t understand or have no knowledge about.

Being politically correct does not equal to being honest or being right and not being politically correct does not equal to being rude or offensive.

 

What I believe in is the open, honest, straight forward communication.

Which means and allows all participants to may have different opinions, to may be in disagreement, to may be in agreement to disagree – and all that allows real conversations, having real ideas to clash, having to go through pros and cons and coming to real understanding of one another.

 

Just like in a relationship and in sex – if a conversation is not totally honest, even raw at times, if it is not telling of the real needs and wishes, then it gets nowhere, means nothing and paves the highway to disappointments, withdrawal, closing in and to break up.

 

So, I rather just keep it real and honest.

Intro

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In this blog I will write about hedonist, spiritual subjects, including relationships, sex, coaching, travelling, food, drinks, life, joy … whatever interests me, what makes me happy, what I find worthy, funny, important, what I get irritated by, what I have an opinion on … what I think might interests you too. 

Whenever I write whatever here, is my opinion.
Hopefully you will enjoy the read, have an ‘aha’ moment here and there, get thinking about certain stuff, laugh out loud, spend some worthwhile time here.
Have no intention to evangelize you.
You do as you please. Agree, disagree or stay neutral, it is yours to decide.

In case of possible disagreement let’s now at the get-go already make a deal and agree to disagree.
Excellent.
Thanks!

Have fun, enjoy the ride.