Wanting your ex back

‘How do I get my ex back?’ – a friend asked me, and that question led to a long conversation and to some beautiful healings for them.

That experience made me think more about this phenomenon.
Here is what I am wondering: what makes you want your ex back?
I mean you just broke up a few weeks, a few months ago.
What changed?
What makes you think this time it would be different?
What makes it worthwhile for you and for your ex to give it another go?

Surely there were reasons for breaking up.
You weighed the pros and cons and then made a decision.
You parted, and you both on your own way started to process what happened and depending, maybe even started to heal too.
And now you want to get back together!?

Were you the sole reason of the breakup?
Were you the one who was broken-up with?
Have you understood and agree to all the shortcomings your ex listed as reasons for the break-up?
In this short time did you realize it was all spot on about you and so you dived in and sorted out, changed, healed it all?
Also, while at it, it became clear to you that s/he is exactly whom and how you wish your partner to be?
In this short time did you manage to do all that?

If it is so, then what was holding you back from doing any of it while in the relationship?

When it was you breaking up with your partner, then what changed in you that you want to start again?
What makes you believe that your partner was willing to do the work, and has done all of it to sort themselves out and would want to be back together again?

When the breakup happened upon mutual agreement then the questions are the combination of the above.

At any time, the idea of a re-start occurs to you, before doing anything else, think about your motives.
What makes you wanting that relationship back?
Is it comfort?
Routine?
You feeling lonely at the moment?
Not wanting to start from zero with someone else?
Resignation?
Lack of self-confidence, that you won’t find better, so might as well settle?
Dreading the idea that they might be much better off with someone else?
Jealousy?
Some sick revenge?
Realized you screwed up and made a hasty decision and now you want to correct that?

What is it really, that makes you consider going ‘backwards’?

Be honest with yourself!
Might be painful, might be uncomfortable but by all means, with that you are doing the best to yourself.
Life is a forward motion, moving backwards serves you rarely.

P.S.
Always keep in mind that you wanting your ex back does not mean your ex wants you back too.
And you must accept and respect that!