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How not to be obtuse

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The Internet is a great thing.
With its help we can stay in contact with one another even across the world, we can find out any information in a few minutes, we can watch movies, listen to music, have a look at basically any location of the world, and so on.

And exactly this is the drawback of it too.
In a few minutes you can find any kind of an information and its 180-degree contradictory one too.

Books are amazing.
Only whatever is in them is through the writer’s filters.

Unfortunately, many people who read something on the internet, in a paper or in a book, hear things on the news, by certain people in certain positions, they believe it without a shadow of a doubt, basically taking everything on face value without ever questioning it, looking behind it, checking facts, or just using common sense.

‘Americans are frank and direct in dealings with others.
Spaniards are more open to chat than most other European cultures.
Germans do not admit faults, even jokingly, and rarely hand out compliments.
Australians have an easy-going, friendly attitude.
Chinese people are very modest and not accustomed to show their feelings in public.’

Above five statements are all from the internet.

Due to my travels and dealings with people of many different nationalities, I can say I had quite contrasting experiences too, with people from the above-mentioned Countries.

Along these lines, I must say, not all religious people are fanatics; not all gay men wear shiny, glittery clothes; not all men are a threat to women, or to kids; not all atheists live without values; not all women want kids; not all old people are grumpy; not all young people are irresponsible; not all homeless people are alcoholic and/or drug addicts; not all Jews are rich; not all black people are criminals; not all politicians are stupid without an idea of the real world; … and so on.

And this is where travel and face to face communication come into the picture.

When you travel you see, hear, experience with your own eyes, ears, senses, brain.
It is, in my view, always the most reliable source of making up your own opinion.

Like you saw photos of that gorgeous beach, but you won’t know till you get there that it is only a hundred meters out of the whole stretch, the rest is stony, dirty, neglected.
You were told that city is gorgeous, very romantic, only when you get there will you see its streets are full of trash.
You read reviews of a place that were not the least bit enthusiastic, said it was a plain, boring one. Only when you get there can you find that it has some unique, hidden gems that was well worth your time and money.

Of course, it works like this not only with locations.

Exactly the same applies to people, cultures, traditions.
To everything really.
Okay, maybe not so much so to science.

They told you, you read that ‘those’ people are ‘bad’.
First of all, it is a generalization.
There are no nationalities, minorities, believers of whatever, pursuers of any profession, people of the same sexuality, of the same age group, of the same gender … in which all the people of that given group are the same.
Even though the general narrative suggests they are.

Do not fall for it.

Get out of your own tiny bubble, talk to people, ask questions, connect, and travel.
Even if it is within your own Country, you already will have a wider view.
With 100 percent certainty I can say, you will have some ‘wow’ moments.

In general, before you accept anyone’s opinion on anybody, on any kind of a group of people, have some personal experiences.
Talk to some of those people, ask questions, communicate.

The easiest, and often the most harmful is just blindly, deafly, mindlessly believe what others tell you on anybody, or on any group of people.

Especially because it can vary from silly gossip to a biased opinion, to a purposefully damaging statement, to declaring whatever in order to support the agenda of the person saying it.

So please, use your mind, your common sense, filter such ‘facts’ through your experiences and form your own opinion.
Be open and willing to discussions.

Be kind, be caring, be allowing, lead with love.
Let’s be a part of forming a better, safer world for all of us.

Communication tripping stones

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The other day I posted a comment on Facebook.
The original post was nicely written and with a question to all who cared to answer, and as you could guess it, some of the answers were not written with goodwill, and some were not even on the subject.
So, after reading them all, I wrote this (slightly edited version here):

‘Here is how I see it (nothing personal, it is what I am seeing, experiencing in general, so if it is not you, then just don’t take offence): we all are expats in here.
It is not England, it is not the US, it is not any other place.
Here people are differently socialized, have different culture, different taste in food, different in many ways.
When you are complaining that the English breakfast at place xyz is served with not English sausage, than it is your problem, not the establishment’s.
As I see it, many places are trying to accommodate your wanting a homey feeling away home, only it seems it is not enough for you … so maybe just pack your bitter soul and go back home, where everything is as you got used to, everything is as you want it to be.
On the other hand, many things are similar.
Like when you go in to a place and you smile and greet the people working in there, they will appreciate it.
When a door was closed, you went in and you don’t close it, so the staff or other patrons have to close it behind you, they won’t be happy.
When you don’t speak the local language and you don’t even ask if they can help you in English, you just assume they can’t and walk away upset because they didn’t speak to you automatically in English, locals will not be happy either.
For many some more common sense, understanding of where you are, a bit more effort to fit in wouldn’t hurt.
And when you don’t like how life is here then just move on.
Have no right to expect the locals to change into English or American or whatever other ways.’

And then someone answered this to me:
‘Please think about not using the word expat – it’s outdated, post-colonial and politically insensitive. I for one do not identify with this narrative. We are all immigrants.’

My answer to him was:
‘English is not my first language, so I checked the Oxford Dictionary:
expat – a person who lives outside their native Country
immigrant – a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign Country’

He never replied to this one.

And I wasn’t even adding this from Wikipedia:
‘An expatriate is a person who resides outside their native country. In common usage, the term often refers to educated professionals, skilled workers, or artists taking positions outside their home country, either independently or sent abroad by their employers.’

The https://www.expat.com/ website was built exactly for such people. Now with over 3.200.000 members, it is helping all those expats all over the world to find their ways easier in their new location, to connect with others, to have a better experience.
And none seem to have an issue with the term: expat.

Why am I bringing all this here, into a blog post?
Because it shows some (unfortunately) usual communication glitches.

One is being, although I wrote quite a bit, and yes, it was about expats/immigrants but not about how they are called, but their behaviour was the subject which he ignored completely.
He decided to pick one word that he didn’t agree with and comment on that.
Nothing about the original question, nothing about my answer to it.
This is a typical case of non-comprehension of a text.

And this is a reason why you are never responsible for what people understand of what you say or write, as they will perceive it on their own level of understanding, knowledge, openness.
Now this guy is a stranger to me, so I don’t mind him not getting the real meaning of what I wrote.
Plus he unintentionally provided the idea for this blog post 😉

Of course, when you feel someone who is important to you didn’t get what you were really saying or writing, then by all means try to explain it with different words, try using a different angle to make yourself understood.
Communication is vital in life in general, communication is vital in a relationship.
So when you want someone to get you, then you have to put in the effort to help them tune in to your logic, your ways of seeing things.
And of course, you have to be open to accept their different logic and different ways of seeing things.
The aim is to find that magical place where you both (all) feel heard, paid attention to, respected and understood.

The other thing for me, is that he says he does not approve of my choice of word, so he ‘corrects’ it and uses his preferred word ‘we all are immigrants’.
With this he basically declared that I was wrong, and he is right.
Thinks him.
But even the dictionary does not support him.

So, this brings me to say, that next time when you don’t ‘approve’ or ‘agree’ with someone’s choice of word or opinion, you simply say (if you must) that you have another preferred word instead, that you have a different opinion.

Because regardless of whatever, whenever, wherever, you are entitled to choose your own words, to have your own opinion.
You are entitled to have one that is different to the majority’s, that is unpopular, that is rare, that is unique.
What you are, on the other hand, never entitled to, is to cancel someone else’s words, or opinion just because you don’t like it, you don’t approve of it.

Kindness, mutual respect, acceptance, open heart and open mind.
Values worth having, values worth practicing.
In my opinion.

They don’t care …

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Since it’s still January, and the energies only recently are turning completely into the “new momentum” of 2023 (and because there is a lot of negative, shitty, depressing news and happenings coming at us from the world), I feel that a rougher “I’ll help you sort yourself out” type of writing wants to be here.

Buckle your seatbelts!

I am not interested in the so-called big politics, I am not interested in the few “dark knights” who supposedly are ruling the world, I am not interested in the world economy … on the level, that all kinds of, for a good amount of money turned into ass-licker, media serve it to us, “average people”.
I am not interested, because I’ve known for some time that many things have nothing to do with reality, that a large percentage of them are bent along certain interests, and that the truth, the complete truth, is damn hard to find out, if it’s ever possible at all.

In this I got my first lesson when I was still working in film production.
Fact, that was the deciding moment about the tabloid category I knew “well, I won’t believe a word they say in the future”.

It just so happened that an article was published in which an actor was torn to shreds about what he did some nights earlier.
The “only” problem was that that actor filmed with us on that ominous evening described in the article, hundreds of kilometers away from the location indicated in the article.
As it turned out, that piece was also part of a campaign trying to discredit that actor.

This is where this process started for me.

Then it continued when I worked in tourism.
Somehow I learned that there are awards and recognitions that almost anyone can win, it’s all just a matter of money and “bribe” and “venality”.

Then, when I was already active as a coach, I noticed that there are widely known people who call themselves coaches and motivational speakers, who, without batting an eye, use materials, make statements, express thoughts, but just “forget” to mark and mention their origin.

For the “perpetrators” in all 3 mentioned categories it still works today … because of you.
Because of the average person.
After all, the tabloids sell to you; in tourism, these companies show their awards to you, to make themselves more attractive to you; and “coaches” and “motivational speakers” also profit from you with their unoriginal, stolen materials that are used without indicating the source.

How is all this possible?
That you don’t ask, you don’t check, you just “eat” what they put in front of you.

And this is exactly why big politics, the world economy, and the “dark knights” or anyone can feed/sell anything to the masses.

Well, and as unpleasant as it sounds, it starts with you.

How?
In the way that you were taught that superiors cannot be questioned.
That old people should be respected.
That x is something you have to believe in, to be considered as a good person.
That you are a “real” man if you work yourself half dead and provide for your family and don’t show your emotions.
That you are a “real” woman if you give birth, excel in washing, cooking, cleaning and put everyone before yourself.
I won’t continue, I think you feel it.

Against all these:
Why wouldn’t the superiors be asked? When and how did they become infallible?
Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they deserve respect.
A few hundred or a few thousand kilometers away, something else is considered to be the definition of a good person.
“Real” is not an adjective that can be defined socially as a whole, but can only and exclusively be given by the partner, so this adjective has (also) infinite interpretations.

So that you wouldn’t need to fight every day with who is covering you with what, be it the media or any social network, you have to whip yourself, your life into shape.
In order to be able to live what and how you really want, first you need to know yourself, to know who you really are, what you want, what things and values are important to you.
And you also need to know: we are not the same and that is wonderful. So you don’t have to become anything if you don’t feel that as your identity. You do the best for yourself and for the world, when you are your authentic self.

And I shouldn’t even ask, if media workers can lie without batting an eye, if companies can buy themselves certain recognitions, if those who award them can be corrupted, if coaches and motivational speakers can reach the masses with plagiarized material, then why shouldn’t lie the stars off of the sky the politicians, those who manage the world economy, the “dark knights”?

I don’t think this current “order” from the top down will ever change for the better.
However, I do believe that if more and more of us, the “average people” understand,
that everyone has the right to live their own life as they wish (as long as it does not cause any harm to others),
that we cannot take out our frustrations about our own lives on others,
that if we do not erase, rewrite certain parts of our history, but face them and learn from them,
if we try not to do anything to others that we would hate to happen to us,
if we tried to help each other more, support each other better,
if allowing, understanding, care and love would rule the critical mass,
then we can achieve that there are no people in politics and on social networks who shout the opposite of all these for their own personal (usually purely material) interests.

It could be a much better, more liveable, significantly more harmonious, happier place, all it takes, is that we don’t wait for the “big guys”, always for someone else to do something!?!
We should do it!
The “average people”, the you and the me.

PS: In 1991 and 1995 Michael Jackson already sang all this … it would be time to act …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q

A wish list from me to you

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Happiness
Health
Love
Wealth
Success
Beauty
Motivation
Connections
Soulfulness
Courage
Positivity
Fabulousness
Magic
Healing
Kindness
Empowerment
Peace
Laughter
Tolerance
Dreams
Enthusiasm
Fun
Abundance
Optimism
Intimacy
Balance
Ecstasy
Genuity
Inspiration
Resilience
Authenticity
Passion
Wisdom

And here are two songs in case you need a mood uplift.
Both can be listened to at any time – although one of them is Christmas themed – as what they say is valid all year round, in any situation.
You do deserve it all and you are able to fight for yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7lqYSD22jw 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

Merry Everything, Happy Always!

Movies vs. Life

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Woah … pure WTF!
People are going crazy because in a new movie a sex scene is too dark, showing a man in power taking advantage of a not sober woman.
Crowds are flipping out because in another movie a fictional character got portrayed with a different skin colour then before.
Some complain that in a film a criminal’s story was not shown exactly as it happened in real life.
A women called boycott against a new movie because those portrayed witchcrafts and spells can come through the screen and affect all those watching.
Others are in shock that what age differences were between actors playing couples in movies.
Also, why are straight persons impersonating gay people on screen, why is this character white and not coloured, or the other way round.
Or that character should have had different body size, hair colour, costume, whatever not.
… and it goes on. Endlessly.

People are putting time, energy, effort into collecting things that they do not approve in MOVIES.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

Movie, by definition, is a ‘recording of moving images that tells a story and that people watch on a screen or television’.
Story, by definition, is a ‘description, either true or imagined, of a connected series of events’.
Script, by definition, is a ‘written work for a film, television show, or other moving media, that expresses the movement, actions and dialogue of characters. Screenplays, or scripts, are the blueprint for the movie’.
Script writer, by definition, is ‘someone who writes stories for movies, television programs, radio, etc.’.

Movies show stories written by creative people, who might use some elements of real-life events, might have the whole story as an original idea of theirs and might combine the two.

Also, in movies the characters are played by actors.
Actor, by definition, is ‘someone whose job is to play a character in films or plays’.

So, what does all that leave us with?
That movies are not reality.
That actors are people who in their job impersonate certain creatively written characters. An actor is not their role. They are a person and playing a role is their job.
Movies do not equal real life.

Can you wrap your head around this?!?!

On the other hand, those who lash out with some above-mentioned kind of ‘complaints’ about a movie, are just simply people who, very likely, have no guts to face their own reality, to face the issues in their own lives, who fall into the ‘karen’ and/or ‘snowflake’ category.

Real life gives us enough issues to take care of.
Imagine what amazing of a positive change it could bring if all that time, energy, and effort of that many people was put into something that would really mean something.
Like stopping human trafficking, child abuse, bullying, discrimination of all kinds, sexual exploitation, …

Oh yes, these might hit home too strong.
One would need to look into the mirror and see their own faults.
And that shit is difficult.
Only the emotionally strong ones are able to do that.

Only them, who can have a look at their own lives and see what and where can be improved.
Not picking details from movies.

Only them, who in real life explain to their kids that making fun of their classmate just because they are different on any level is not okay.
Not complaining that x movie was not portraying such issue correctly.

Only them, who can in real life, stop their colleague from harassing someone in the office.
Not criticizing an actress in a film for showing more skin so she asked for it.

Only them, who can, in real life, protect one in a public space when gets attacked for any kind of different appearance.
Not joking about how in that movie the actor wasn’t even really gay.

Only them, who have ears for people in their lives to hear and help them on some way with their mental health issues.
Not laughing about a character in a movie suffering with mental health and calling them pussy.

Only them, who see and understand that women and men, all, may have issues and may are in need of help.
Not showing that movie to their kids and telling them not to be the ‘weak shit’ asking for help.

Only them, who can look at their own actions and do better whenever, wherever they can.

Life is constant change.
You can change.
You can help others to change.
Aim better, aim higher.
Be that emotionally strong person, who cleans up their own life and helps others to get better too.

Stop mixing things up.
Movies are for entertainment, watch them for that.
Life is the real deal, be present in it, make the most and best of it.

Annoyed and ranting

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Sexuality is part of every human being.
Sex is an activity exercised by most human beings.

It is obvious that there are many problems around these subjects worldwide, rooting in not understanding, not knowing, in lack of support, in lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence.
Of course, in these cases, as with anything, education is the answer.
It is highly likely it would be a tremendous improvement towards solving all such issues for future generations if teenagers could learn openly about them.
Unfortunately, there is still no (or only in a few countries) education on them integrated into school curriculums.
For adults it is also not easy to find ways to get themselves educated if they feel the need to.

At the same time, there are many of us, coaches, trainers, psychologists, therapists around the world who see these problems and are/would be willing to take on the task of talking / teaching / helping.
And of course, we are doing exactly that within our offered services.

For that, we want to show ourselves, advertise, make it easy for people to find us.
We want to be easily visible so we could help all those in need, those who are ready and willing to improve, to learn, to solve certain issues.
And this where we all get screwed big time!

On the internet, let it be in or out of social media platforms there is a ‘witch hunt’ going on.
The word ‘sex’ cannot be written as is. Must come up with creative lettering ( s e x, s@x, …) if we want to talk about it.
Photos to illustrate what we are saying must not show much skin, nor be sexually explicit as they say it.
When we write ‘sexual education’, we get punished by being restricted in visibility.
In any situation we want to explain something we are forced to use ‘flower language’ that makes things more complicated, less effective.
You get the picture.

All because the word ‘sex’ got demonised by collecting all activities from masturbation to consenting adults making love to rape and exploitation of kids under the same word.

Yes, I know, Web and dark web.
Yes, I know, AI.
Yes, I know, there are many explanations and excuses.

Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I am sick and tired that us, who want to help, who want to make it easier for people to find understanding, non-judgemental pair of ears, to provide possible life saving resources are forced back to our own little corners, and so us being found is by sheer luck.

I am mad that because those who created the systems had no knowledge on the subject, no willingness to categorise, nor understanding of the consequences of their doing, of that the damage is continuous.
They form and play the system in their own favour and show up as the keeper of values, as the saviours of the world.
They say we have to be kept in line, they say they are saving kids from our bad influence, improper content … at the same time they are letting real shit be present and be on the internet.

When I say sex is good, love is love and I can help you to feel good about yourself, then I need to be closely monitored, even denied access to certain services, restricted in visibility, etc.

So yeah, I am fed up and sick of this hypocrisy and all those hypocrites who blow the same whistle.

And I don’t care if some in power try to turn things back as they were in the 1950’s, if the internet is keep coming up with further restrictions, I won’t shut up!
I will still preach, maybe even louder, to all who listens that sex is amazing, that sex is to happen between consenting adults, that it is nobody else’s business of how and with whom you live your sex life with as long as is between legal aged, consenting partners, that there is no constitutionally wrong way or right way of having sex, that sex is healthy, that sex is fun.
That your life is yours to have, yours to live.
That your relationship has to satisfy you and your partner(s) and nobody else.
That your body is yours and you do with it as you want to.

Take charge of your life, don’t give up, don’t give in!

Live, laugh, love

Mind games – the best kind

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Warning: NOT for the faint of heart!

Sex is not a purely physical activity. I mean great sex is not.

It all starts in the mind.
What do I mean?

Well, in a loving, healthy, balanced relationship the partners want to get to know one another, they want to do things that the other likes, that pleases the other. Obviously not only in sex.
In sex too.

Also, people change, their likes and dislikes change, their moods change, their wants and needs change.
All that is natural, all that is normal.
As one learns more of life, gains more experiences, and so on, all that makes changes inevitable.

It is not always that one declares that now this or that has changed, that their interest has shifted but when one pays attention to the other then can pick up signs from the partner and can ask, can act on those signs.

So, coming back to today’s subject, sex:
when watching a movie and something sparks an interest, when overhearing a conversation and there is something that tickles your curiosity, when any verbal or visual stimuli makes you curious and, in your mind, you start playing out scenarios how that particular thing could be brought into your sex life, the mind game starts already.

And when you are ready to share that with your partner, let’s say in the evening, after dinner while sipping on a glass of drink, you start telling the whole story, how, where this is coming from, what is that excites you in it, that you’d be willing to bring that into your sex life, at least for a try, … now you are playing a mind game with your partner.
You are not doing anything, ‘just’ are having some sexy chat … and when your partner likes the idea, their mind starts to wander too.
Keep it fun and exciting so even if you both are willing to give it a try, don’t do it on that night, let both of your minds, imaginations have some ‘play times’.
When you eventually get there that you do try that for real, you both will be excited, curious, and invested.

Also, like when you are just after sex, you always can whisper in the ear of your partner, what will you do next time when you have sex.
That will linger in their mind, will be thinking about it, will make them smile, will hold an erotic tension in the air.

When you send a sexy text message, when you casually drop a remark while you are on your way out of the house, when you put on a clothing item you know your partner loves on (off) you … these all are mind games.

All the above are, of course, only to be tried, used, when you are wanting to keep a healthy, sexy vibration going on between you.

Sure, it is not for everybody.
And that is okay too.

But when you are open, ready, and willing to put in some effort for to have an even more exciting, more sexy relationship … the benefits are sweet and juicy.

Everything is energy

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Everything is energy.
It is science, it is fact.

It was expressed by Nikola Tesla as well as Albert Einstein and when it comes to science, they are kinda reliable sources 😉

On many different level spirituality is speaking about energy too.
Like right now a very intense happening is on; from the 26th of July till the 12th of August there is a strong energy movement, and its peak is today, the 8th of August, the pinnacle of the opening of the Lion’s Gate portal.
(When interested in details, he explains it well, I think https://www.facebook.com/ArcturianCodes )

Everything is energy, so it means so is nature, us, and every connection we have are also energetically charged, have a vibration.

Surely you heard of people (if you are not one of them) who are affected by the moon’s cycles, like their sleep is messed up at every full moon, or those who claim all their worries and wrinkles smooth out as soon as they are by the sea, or those who love walking in the rain as that always makes them feel better.

When it comes to people, again, you surely heard of, or might personally came across some after meeting with whom you always feel drained, or the exact opposite, happy and recharged, or when with them, you feel some unexplainable nervousness and so on.

We are influenced by energy coming from nature, animals, from other people and we are influencing others with our energies too, of course

Whenever you are experiencing any issues, arguments, negativity towards you, one thing you can do is to check your own energy.
What are you radiating?
Can that be a reflection of yours, coming back to you?
Maybe you need to shift a bit towards a calmer, more positive state.

No, I am not suggesting ‘hurray-optimism’, no I am not suggesting denying any real, own feelings and energies.

What I am suggesting is to check in with yourself if what you are radiating in that moment is really yours or you might have picked it up from somebody/something else and you are rolling with that.

Like when you are cranky, negative, angry, is it really because you are feeling so, or is that ‘stuck’ on you from a previous interaction and now you are coming from that energy and so are messing some more up around you.

You see, it is like a rolling ball.

When can go out into the world with a light, happy, calm energy, likely that people you come in contact with will be feeding from your positive energy, you will be meeting others on a similar energy level as you are on, or even on a higher one.

When, on the other hand, you realize that whatever good mood you are in, certain people always bring you down … well, the simple cure for that is to avoid contact with such people.

Yes, if you are in a close, meaningful relation to such a person, you always can invite them to talk, ask what is going on in their head, in their soul. They might will be gladly jumping on the opportunity and share with you what is their story, but it is also possible they are not even aware of them being such a dark cloud.

When in a relationship, it pays off being aware of self too.

It does make life more easy, it makes it more authentic and more smooth of a ride.

When you connect, communicate, love, have sex while you are radiating your own energies, your own feelings, your real self, it all gets on a higher level of amazing.

By all means on every level it worth the work having your energies cleaned, of being aware, of knowing of and protecting your high vibrating, light energy.

Be kind, keep on loving, vibe high!

The power of choice

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One always has the choice between saying the truth or lie.
Whatever you decide to say in any given situation, has consequences.
Sometimes those will affect only you, sometimes a few and sometimes many people.
The responsibility though is fully yours.

When you are losing people while being honest, voicing your truth then those were not your people to begin with.
When you are gaining a circle while lying, then you are building on swampy ground and for sure will come the time when it all falls down and buries you under the ruins.
Not a pretty face, not a hefty bank account, no parents, no lawyers, no friends, nothing and no one will save you from it.
The truth always finds a way to surface.

Yes, all this came to mind as I saw some bits and pieces of a recent court case.

And then along these lines …
It might be an unpopular opinion (don’t care), but I am sick and tired seeing, hearing stories, situations, working with people who suffered of, are suffering such ‘societal’ bonkers.

Meaning: certain traits got associated with and claimed to be done by men or done by women.
In the fight for equality among the sexes, to stop sexual abuse, somehow from one side of the horse we are falling over to the other side.
Seemingly people have serious difficulties sitting on the back of it, finding balance.

Yes, there are men who believe women are less of a species than them.
Yes, they behave as complete assholes, talk down on women, are mansplaining life to women, have the belief that sex with a woman is their, and only their decision of when and how, who think that women need their permission for everything and so on.

In this out of balance society though it is not recognized? or not believed? that there are women who are exactly on the same way towards men, who are real nasty bitches, only thinking of men as cash machines, who play men, who use men to advance their own lives, who use sex as a mean of getting what they want, who can lose their shit completely when a man is not fully following their demands.

The reality is that regardless of gender, a person is either decent or not.
Either a good human being or not.
Being hysterical, entitled, power hungry, pathological liar, abuser, a nuisance, letting out bad vibes, being simply repulsive can be just as much a man as a woman.
It is not the gender, it is the personality.

Sure, you can disagree with me, deny all the above, you can come with ‘yeah, but more men are like this, and more women are like that’ or whatever not.
None of it is changing what I am experiencing, seeing, and working with.
This is my truth.

The life of us all, and so the world, would be a much better place if we were accepting each other as equals regardless of gender, skin colour, religion, sexual preferences, financial state or whatever, and would clean up our intentions towards one another.

Wherever on this journey of life you are at, as long as you have a pulse, it is never too late to recognise you can get better at whatever and go for it.

At the end of this experience, called life we ALL end up as dust.
Nobody will be spared from the end, no power, no belief, no money will matter in that.
The only difference is, that in some cases we just sigh and say ‘finally’ and in other cases we say ‘what a loss’.

So!
Yes or no.
Lie or not.
Asshole or not.
Decent or not.
Accept or not.
Love or not.
…
All is a choice.

Throughout life it is always a choice.
Everything is a choice.
It is your life and that means your choice.
Grab and live with this power.
Own it!

Wanting your ex back

/in , , /by

‘How do I get my ex back?’ – a friend asked me, and that question led to a long conversation and to some beautiful healings for them.

That experience made me think more about this phenomenon.
Here is what I am wondering: what makes you want your ex back?
I mean you just broke up a few weeks, a few months ago.
What changed?
What makes you think this time it would be different?
What makes it worthwhile for you and for your ex to give it another go?

Surely there were reasons for breaking up.
You weighed the pros and cons and then made a decision.
You parted, and you both on your own way started to process what happened and depending, maybe even started to heal too.
And now you want to get back together!?

Were you the sole reason of the breakup?
Were you the one who was broken-up with?
Have you understood and agree to all the shortcomings your ex listed as reasons for the break-up?
In this short time did you realize it was all spot on about you and so you dived in and sorted out, changed, healed it all?
Also, while at it, it became clear to you that s/he is exactly whom and how you wish your partner to be?
In this short time did you manage to do all that?

If it is so, then what was holding you back from doing any of it while in the relationship?

When it was you breaking up with your partner, then what changed in you that you want to start again?
What makes you believe that your partner was willing to do the work, and has done all of it to sort themselves out and would want to be back together again?

When the breakup happened upon mutual agreement then the questions are the combination of the above.

At any time, the idea of a re-start occurs to you, before doing anything else, think about your motives.
What makes you wanting that relationship back?
Is it comfort?
Routine?
You feeling lonely at the moment?
Not wanting to start from zero with someone else?
Resignation?
Lack of self-confidence, that you won’t find better, so might as well settle?
Dreading the idea that they might be much better off with someone else?
Jealousy?
Some sick revenge?
Realized you screwed up and made a hasty decision and now you want to correct that?

What is it really, that makes you consider going ‘backwards’?

Be honest with yourself!
Might be painful, might be uncomfortable but by all means, with that you are doing the best to yourself.
Life is a forward motion, moving backwards serves you rarely.

P.S.
Always keep in mind that you wanting your ex back does not mean your ex wants you back too.
And you must accept and respect that!