A couple of days ago I attended a business get together.
The initial aim was networking and helping each other forward.
After some who is who, the discussions soon turned away from the original subjects and became one about relationships, more precisely about whether it is possible to keep a partnership alive and thriving when having kids or a drifting away, even divorce is inevitable.

The whole change of subject started by the introduction of one of the ladies, when she said she is just about reinventing herself, starting a small business all by herself after being married for 28 years and divorced for 1.
The kids grew up, she explained, flew out of the nest and she and her husband realized they had not much left in between them apart from living under the same roof as two somewhat distanced friends.
Also, she found herself ‘useless’, not knowing what to do with herself, as for the last 25 years of her marriage, her life was the family, was the raising of the kids.
Hence now the reinvention of herself.

Hmmm, the infamous ‘empty nest’ syndrome.

Unfortunately, many parents fall into the ‘trap’ of functioning almost exclusively as a parent from the time a child is born.

Naturally, a mother/father loves their seedling and wants to do everything for their well-being, but when it becomes exclusive and the relationship between the adults is not nurtured but everything revolves around the child – eat only what the child loves, adjust everything around the kid, family programs are dictated by the child’s interest, and so on – then it’s no wonder that the relationship is flattening out.

Instead of ‘fitting’ the child into the life of the parents, they change their life around nearly completely to accommodate every vibe of the child.

Of course, a child, regardless of age, will always remain a child to the parents, but it is important to note that in a healthy line-up the moment comes when the child begins to live their own life, starts to ‘peel off’ of the parents, gets onto their own path.
So, the child is a ‘transitional state’ in a long term relationship, and the relationship itself is the permanent element.

When it is not recognized and the focus fades off of the relationship of the parents, when their conversations become all about the kid(s), when they often are tired for each other, when intimacy and sex become a distant memory, when the ‘just the two of us’ times cease to exist, this is when the partnership starts to corrode.
Because a relationship does not deteriorate after x years, but steadily declines, flattens and at a certain point it gets realized that it is ‘broken’.

To avoid the melting away of a once loving relationship, it is essential that it is continuously nurtured, revitalized, worked on, so that it remains balanced, happy, and lasting.

Not to mention that the child also develops better, feels happier, gets more open to the world among balanced, happy parents, so it is important not only for mum and dad but also for the child that parents have time for themselves and each other.

It does not have to be anything super complicated.
Once a week, at least once every two weeks, take time, a few hours, for yourselves!
An only the two of you evening with a dinner out, a cinema, a theatre, a couple of drinks with friends, or staying in while the kid(s) are with the grandparents and enjoy a lazy, cuddling time, some form of intimacy, sex, a conversation when your full attention is on each other, anything that is about the two of you, that makes you connect with each other can work wonders in maintaining, reinforcing, keeping your relationship alive and happy.

Also, some time for yourself is also essential.
Everyone must find time to keep their body and soul in harmony.
Recharging, realigning means something different to everyone, it can be anything from a long bath to a good book, a lonely walk, some sport, hobby, anything, where the need to get/keep yourself in your best form, whatever that may mean to you, gets served.
Remember, you can give the best and most of yourself, when you are well, when you feel good in your own skin, when you are well both mentally and physically.

And yes, I hear the choir ‘but time’ and ‘but this’ and ‘but that’.

Against all outdated, nasty, downright stupid ‘societal’ and ‘Internet wise’ traditions, rules or whatnot, healthy selfishness is mandatory and can be learned!

One cannot afford to become a negligible, last in the line aspect.
It only hurts yourself and through this hurts your family.
Pretty counterproductive, right!?!

In any happy, balanced, healthy relationship it is true that you get as much time, care, love from the other person, as much you put in.
So think this over and adjust your priorities if you feel the need to do so.
It’s never too late to get, feel, live better!