Luxury or self-respect

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In a recent conversation with a friend, who is a professional photographer https://www.anitamegyesi.com/, she said: ‘you know, we, the coach and the photographer, we count as luxury, don’t you!?’

For a moment I was taken aback, so she started to explain her statement:
people have a kind of ranking of what needs to be paid first then second and so on.
Usually living expenses are on the top of the list, like rent, mortgage, utility bills, groceries, and anything that concerns self is at the bottom of it, if is on it at all.
So obviously photography and coaching are usually not even near to that list.

Her experience supports the ‘luxury’ theory, as she finds that people don’t have nice, well done, professional photos of themselves and/or of their family members so when comes an event, like preparation of a wedding, putting together a job application, organizing a funeral, launching a website, where a great photo would be needed, they usually are in trouble.

At the same time, photos are memories, very important pointers in/of life.
So much so, that in case of a disaster (fire, flood, war, … ) what people try to save among the first, are photos, photo albums.

Still, people look onto professional photo sessions as luxury.

Of course it doesn’t mean that such photo events need to happen yearly but by all means we agreed that time to time it is not only wise to have them but it is an amazing self-discovery journey, and a lots of fun too.
Needless to say, on the condition that one works with a photographer with whom they are on the same wavelength, who understands the subject and is supportive and helpful in bringing out the best of the client.

All in all a great professional photo session gives you the chance to surprise someone with something meaningful and lasting, it gives you a competent look on your website, CV or on any online platform, it will bring out your ‘best face’, it will be a memory for a lifetime.

And then, she said, coaching is the same.
The majority of people although struggle with smaller, bigger, less or more issues, somehow still don’t get around to work on themselves.
That – mentally and emotionally working on self – is also by many, looked upon as some kind of a fancy luxury.

Unfortunately I had to agree with Anita.

The funny thing though, is that in my experience, those who finally come to me to work on something, while in the process, at some point are saying ‘Wow!’ ‘Should have done this ages ago!’ ‘This helps a lot.’ ‘I really needed this.’ … and so on.

Coaching gets you a person – me, the coach – who’s non-judgemental attention is 100% on you, who will be in your corner;
it helps you to sort out some crap you’d been dealing with for some time;
it helps you to get to know yourself better;
it gets you to feel better;
it gets you to move forward;
it gets you to achieve more.

Well, the question is, are you a luxury for yourself?

Are your memories luxury?
Is your wellbeing a luxury?

Yes, both professional photography and coaching cost money. Maybe even a lot of money.

The question is though, how much in comparison would it cost if you had no photo to remember by, if you had stayed in that crap even longer that you are in already for too long.

If you kept neglecting those issues that keep you mentally, emotionally upset, drained, hurt.

When you don’t see yourself important enough to have some amazing photos taken of you, to take care of yourself.

Hard truth, but it all starts with yourself.

If professional photography and coaching are luxury, than it means you are a luxury item and so you deserve luxury.
Get yourself a fantastic photo session!
Get yourself a coach, get yourself coached!

Mental health

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Mental health is a hot topic.
There are conferences, videos, researches, summits happening, articles and opinions are on every possible platform over the Internet.
Many are amazing sources of information, knowledge, help, and some are doing nothing more than add to the harm.

Yesterday I heard a sentence that hit me hard, and triggered me to write this post.

Must start by saying, I am not a doctor, so what follows is my opinion and what I am about to say are rooting from my studies and experiences as a coach, as someone who met an extreme amount of people in her life through work, what I see and realized around me both on- and offline, and what I learned, realized, discovered about myself.

It is a huge subject so there is a fair chance of me not touching on something that affects/concerns/bothers you personally.
It does not mean on any level that I invalidate that, or you.

With all that said, here it comes.

Mental health is not a new age woo-woo.
Mental health is not something that the weak came up with to ‘use as cover’.
Mental health is not a luxury of the rich.
Mental health is not a privilege.

Mental health is a hot topic because it, and its effects on life in general were ignored for the longest time.
Mental health is a hot topic because the stigma on mental illnesses finally started to get dismantled.
Mental health is a hot topic because by now one in four people are affected by it at some point in their lives, and one out of two will develop one in their lifetime.
Not to mention that everyone has some moments when some form of support would benefit their mental health.

How is that even possible, you may ask.
Well, let’s see: life is getting faster and faster (at least in the so called civilized world); changes are daily occurrences; we are constantly bombarded with information; basically anyone is able to see, hear anything anywhere in the world in real time with the help of modern technology; social media gives opportunity to anyone to show anything and pretend it is real; work is often way more stressful than it could be considered reasonable, … no wonder that mental health is declining as the human brain was not designed to deal with all that and more.

Stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dissociative disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD), … and so on are diagnosed in more and more people.
And 1 in 5 people have suicidal thoughts and over 700.000 people (that is 1 person in every 40 seconds) die of suicide yearly.

When you are at a certain age and you look back you might think, or at any age you are you might have heard people saying ‘back in my time there were none of these stuff present”.
The truth of the matter is, they were present, only neuroscience and psychology were not where they are at today.
A decade and more back in time people were just labelled as crazy, lazy, strange, or were simply dismissed as simulants.

Nowadays as researches, studies and personal experiences are growing in numbers on the subject, it finally has the platforms where it is addressed not only that what mental illness means and what the different illnesses are, but also the consequences on personal life, sex life, work and physical illnesses too.

The sentence I heard yesterday was by Mel Robbins addressed to a girl about her suicidal thoughts: ‘you didn’t want to die, you just didn’t want to feel what you felt’.

Woah! Ain’t that the truth!?!

To feel bad, sad, useless, unloved, unsuccessful, lonely, cheated by life, a burden on others, see no way to change the course of events, and which ever feelings in whatever combination, it gets too much for the person and feels suicide is the only option left for them.
Because who would want to feel these feelings?
Of course, nobody!

Mental illness is nothing to be shameful about!
Also having bad days, bad periods in one’s life is normal, nothing to feel shame about it either, not to mention that such periods don’t necessarily equal to any illness either.

Let’s normalize having bad days; let’s normalize asking ‘do you want to talk?’ when we see a friend/relative/colleague being down; let’s stop judging and throwing dismissive comments; let’s agree that everyone’s feelings are valid.

The only way to turn around this tendency is if we take care of ourselves more, if we respect our feelings more, ask for some kind of help when feeling down; if we pay more attention to each other at work, at home, among friends and neighbours.

Also, let’s normalize ‘no’ as a full answer.
You are allowed, you can say it to anyone in any situation if this is what you want to say.
On the other hand, you must take it and understand it if this is the answer you get.

The sentiment of ‘be kind to everyone, you never know what battle they are fighting’ had never been more true.
And especially now, when ‘the season’ is here.
Understand that for some this is the most difficult time of the year.
Be kind, be loving but as the bare minimum, quit being an insensitive, judgy creep.

Your fucking truth

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Although I always have a lot what I want to say, to write, somehow today I just couldn’t come up with the right words.
Kept trying, wrote something, then something else but I didn’t like any of them.
In my upsetness with myself I started to roam around the internet.
And suddenly, this popped up in front of me.

Read it.
And I was like, YES, this is it.
This is what I am saying, trying to get across to all who would listen.
This is all what everything is about.
Simply perfect.
I have nothing to add, nothing to explain.
Amazingly written, raw, real, authentic, dare I say, life changing piece.
Just read it:

 

TELL YOUR FUCKING TRUTH
by Jeff Foster  https://www.lifewithoutacentre.com/

I have seen miracles happen, when people just tell the truth.

Not the ‘nice’ truth.
Not the truth that seeks to please or comfort.
But the wild truth. The feral truth.
The inconvenient truth.
The tantric truth. The ‘fucking’ truth.

The truth you’re afraid to tell.
The horrible truth about yourself
that you hide in order to ‘protect’ others.
To avoid being ‘too much’.
To avoid being shamed and rejected.
To avoid being seen.

The truth of your deepest feelings:
The rage you have been concealing, controlling, pasting over.
The terrors you do not want to speak.
The sexual urges you’ve been trying to numb.
The primal longings you cannot bear to articulate.

Finally, the defences break down,
and this ‘unsafe’ material emerges
from deep within the unconscious.
You can’t hold it back anymore.
The image of the ‘good boy’ or ‘nice girl’ evaporates.
The ‘perfect one’, the ‘one who has it all figured out’,
the ‘evolved one’, these images burn.

You tremble, you sweat, you come close to vomiting,
you think you might die doing it,
but finally you tell the fucking truth,
the truth you are deeply ashamed of.

Not the abstract truth. Not the ‘spiritual’ truth.
Not a carefully-worded truth designed to prevent offence.
Not a neatly-packaged truth.
But a messy, fiery, sloppy human truth.
A bloody, passionate, provocative, sensual,
untamed and unvarnished mortal truth.
A shaky, sticky, sweaty, vulnerable truth.

The truth of how you feel.
The truth that lets another person see you in the raw.
The truth that makes one gasp.
The truth that makes your heart pound.

This is the truth that will set you free.

I have seen chronic depressions and life-long anxieties lift overnight.
I have seen deeply embedded traumas evaporate.
I have seen fibromyalgia, life-long migraines, chronic fatigue, unbearable back pain, bodily tension, stomach disorders, vanish, never to return.

Of course, the ‘side-effects’ of truth aren’t always this dramatic.
And we don’t step into our truth with a result in mind.
But think of the massive amounts of energy it must take
to repress our animal wildness,
numb our feral nature,
suppress our rage, tears and terror,
uphold a false image, and pretend to be ‘okay’.
Think of all the tension we hold in the body,
and the damage it does to our immune systems,
when we live in fear of ‘coming out’.

Take the risk of telling your truth.
The truth you are afraid to tell.
The truth you fear will make the world run.
Find a safe person – a friend, a therapist, a counsellor, yourself –
and let them in. Let them hold you as you break down.
Let them love on you
as you weep, rage, quake with fear,
and generally make a mess.

Tell your fucking truth to someone – it might just save your life, heal you from deep within, and connect you to humanity in ways you never imagined.

Sex and facts

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Sex is good. Sex is beneficial to the body and the mind. Sex is fun. Sex is joy. Sex is connection.
Human beings by design are sexual beings.
For a person of any gender to have sex with one or more legally aged, consenting adult/s of any gender is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with anyone else, it is no business of anyone else.
And if one decides to live without sex that is okay too.

Some good things about sex that often are overlooked are what I want to tell you about here.

So, let’s get the negative out of the way first.
Sex is not evil. Sex is not ugly. Sex is not harmful.
People are.

When a person decides to have/force sex with anyone who does not consent to it and/or is under legal age, that is not sex ‘what’ is doing it.
It is a bad/irresponsible/sick person who made a decision to carry out an act against someone else.
Take that person to justice, punish that person, get that person out of society. In some cases when it is an actual mental disorder, have that person treated by professional therapists, doctors – if possible.

So now that the basics are out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff.

Some science backed benefits of having sex:
– reduces stress and anxiety – in the body it decreases the level of cortisol (stress hormone) and produces dopamine (substance fighting stress hormone) and endorphin (happiness hormone)
– boosts mood and self-confidence as it releases endorphins
– increases libido as it increases the oxytocin (love hormone) level
– improves memory
– burns calories
– boosts the immune system
– improves sleep
– lowers blood pressure and helps prevent heart disease
– relieves pain
– strengthens pelvic floor muscles in women
– regulates menstrual cycle (sex regulates hormones so it helps in regulating the cycle)
– reduces the risk of prostate cancer in men (without ejaculation the fluid stays in, causing various problems)
– can help pass kidney stones
– increases life expectancy – healthy heart, stronger muscles, better blood circulation, plus a state of happiness

Sex not only has plenty of health benefits of course, but in a relationship, sex is an amazing tool to get to know one another more, to give joy and pleasure to your partner, to be playful, to experiment, to try new/different things, to strengthen the bond, to have more intimacy.

Of course, as one’s sexual likes, dislikes and needs change through the years in order to have an ongoingly mutually satisfying sex life, you must have an ongoing communication about it.
Don’t overcomplicate it, just say what you want.
Hardly ever happens that your partner is a mind reader so you saying s/he should know by now is one of the stupidest things you can do.

Also!
Don’t take sex too seriously!
Do whatever you both/all agree on, you need no outsider’s approval to your sex life.
Try, laugh, do, enjoy!
More, and again, and again, and some more.

They don’t care …

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Since it’s still January, and the energies only recently are turning completely into the “new momentum” of 2023 (and because there is a lot of negative, shitty, depressing news and happenings coming at us from the world), I feel that a rougher “I’ll help you sort yourself out” type of writing wants to be here.

Buckle your seatbelts!

I am not interested in the so-called big politics, I am not interested in the few “dark knights” who supposedly are ruling the world, I am not interested in the world economy … on the level, that all kinds of, for a good amount of money turned into ass-licker, media serve it to us, “average people”.
I am not interested, because I’ve known for some time that many things have nothing to do with reality, that a large percentage of them are bent along certain interests, and that the truth, the complete truth, is damn hard to find out, if it’s ever possible at all.

In this I got my first lesson when I was still working in film production.
Fact, that was the deciding moment about the tabloid category I knew “well, I won’t believe a word they say in the future”.

It just so happened that an article was published in which an actor was torn to shreds about what he did some nights earlier.
The “only” problem was that that actor filmed with us on that ominous evening described in the article, hundreds of kilometers away from the location indicated in the article.
As it turned out, that piece was also part of a campaign trying to discredit that actor.

This is where this process started for me.

Then it continued when I worked in tourism.
Somehow I learned that there are awards and recognitions that almost anyone can win, it’s all just a matter of money and “bribe” and “venality”.

Then, when I was already active as a coach, I noticed that there are widely known people who call themselves coaches and motivational speakers, who, without batting an eye, use materials, make statements, express thoughts, but just “forget” to mark and mention their origin.

For the “perpetrators” in all 3 mentioned categories it still works today … because of you.
Because of the average person.
After all, the tabloids sell to you; in tourism, these companies show their awards to you, to make themselves more attractive to you; and “coaches” and “motivational speakers” also profit from you with their unoriginal, stolen materials that are used without indicating the source.

How is all this possible?
That you don’t ask, you don’t check, you just “eat” what they put in front of you.

And this is exactly why big politics, the world economy, and the “dark knights” or anyone can feed/sell anything to the masses.

Well, and as unpleasant as it sounds, it starts with you.

How?
In the way that you were taught that superiors cannot be questioned.
That old people should be respected.
That x is something you have to believe in, to be considered as a good person.
That you are a “real” man if you work yourself half dead and provide for your family and don’t show your emotions.
That you are a “real” woman if you give birth, excel in washing, cooking, cleaning and put everyone before yourself.
I won’t continue, I think you feel it.

Against all these:
Why wouldn’t the superiors be asked? When and how did they become infallible?
Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they deserve respect.
A few hundred or a few thousand kilometers away, something else is considered to be the definition of a good person.
“Real” is not an adjective that can be defined socially as a whole, but can only and exclusively be given by the partner, so this adjective has (also) infinite interpretations.

So that you wouldn’t need to fight every day with who is covering you with what, be it the media or any social network, you have to whip yourself, your life into shape.
In order to be able to live what and how you really want, first you need to know yourself, to know who you really are, what you want, what things and values are important to you.
And you also need to know: we are not the same and that is wonderful. So you don’t have to become anything if you don’t feel that as your identity. You do the best for yourself and for the world, when you are your authentic self.

And I shouldn’t even ask, if media workers can lie without batting an eye, if companies can buy themselves certain recognitions, if those who award them can be corrupted, if coaches and motivational speakers can reach the masses with plagiarized material, then why shouldn’t lie the stars off of the sky the politicians, those who manage the world economy, the “dark knights”?

I don’t think this current “order” from the top down will ever change for the better.
However, I do believe that if more and more of us, the “average people” understand,
that everyone has the right to live their own life as they wish (as long as it does not cause any harm to others),
that we cannot take out our frustrations about our own lives on others,
that if we do not erase, rewrite certain parts of our history, but face them and learn from them,
if we try not to do anything to others that we would hate to happen to us,
if we tried to help each other more, support each other better,
if allowing, understanding, care and love would rule the critical mass,
then we can achieve that there are no people in politics and on social networks who shout the opposite of all these for their own personal (usually purely material) interests.

It could be a much better, more liveable, significantly more harmonious, happier place, all it takes, is that we don’t wait for the “big guys”, always for someone else to do something!?!
We should do it!
The “average people”, the you and the me.

PS: In 1991 and 1995 Michael Jackson already sang all this … it would be time to act …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q

New Year’s Resolutions – or?

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So here we are, in 2023.
A new year with new energies, new possibilities, new hopes and aims.
And for many, January 1st means new year’s resolutions.

First of all, let me say, nothing is wrong with new year’s resolutions … IF …

OK, so are you one of those who make them? Do they usually work out for you? Do they give you the feeling of success, accomplishment, joy when at the end of the year you look back and see what and how you did with them? When your answer is yes, then congratulations!
These resolutions seem to work for you as great motivators and guides.
Great job, cool routine, keep on making them and follow them through!
Good on you through and through.

Likely the rest what follows here is not for you.

It is for you, who is not in the above category, but you still make them, still give them a go year after year.

And now about that IF I wrote above.

In case you are one who makes those resolutions and generally you do not keep them, they do not work out for you and that makes you sad, upset, angry, talking down on yourself, feeling of unworthiness and alike, I have a question for you: what makes you go through the same/very similar process year after year?

Is it a tradition in your family? This is what you were told you were supposed to do? You do it because your friend/partner is doing it? Because you want to achieve certain things and you feel you need a starting point?

Whatever is the case, the bottom line is, if this system brings you more negative emotions than positive ones, then you simply just need to drop this ‘custom’.

Let’s dive in a bit.
Resolutions are basically goals.
They can be about anything, health, wellbeing, relationships, finances, work, whatever really.
Only because they are tied to the beginning of the year, they got this fancy title of new year’s resolutions.
The fact though is, that goal setting does not require a specific date.
It can be that you wake up on a gloomy Tuesday morning in March and realize, your coffee intake is over the roof and probably that is (one of) the reason why your sleep is not that peaceful, recharging, and perfect as you wish it to be. So immediately you can take action and have 1 or 2 coffees less already that day, give yourself a timeframe of two weeks and see what this change brings you. Falling asleep easier, sleeping better, getting up with more energy? Superb! You can decide to continue with having less coffee and enjoy your sleep more.
Or, if it doesn’t give you any benefit, only you feel even more crazy as you are missing those coffees, you can add them back and can start looking for other options to get a better sleep.

And this is how it works with any kind of a goal.
Set it, test it, do it, timeframes may vary, evaluate, decide accordingly whether to continue with that specific action or drop it.

Now opposed to this, stands the new year’s resolution where many go overboard.
They make a long list and make each of them on the list really big.
Like this is the year when I start going to the gym and will lose x amount of weight, get a body ready for a fitness competition and all that by December 31st – great idea, but if you haven’t done any exercises in ages (or ever), haven’t done your research to see who, where offers what, who, where can support you how, haven’t figured out your (real) reasons behind why you are out of shape, carrying extra weight, how you will be able to fit a new routine into your schedule, then it is quite likely that by the end of January you throw in the towel.
It is (generally) exactly the same story with any kind of a new year’s resolutions.
They are big, ambitious, emotionally charged, often impulsive and kind of repetitive from year after year as they never get carried out, fulfilled.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

You can drop this whole concept and do it all on your terms.

Every day is a new starting point. It doesn’t matter what date is stamped on that day.
Whenever something comes up that you want to do for yourself, your family, your community, just think it over, write it out, set that goal and go for it.

By the way, when you are like me and dislike the word goal and/or resolution, you don’t need to use them.
Call them your dreams, visions, ideas, baby beans, whatever you want to call them.
It’s not the title, it’s the actions around them that counts.

And I want you to know from the very beginning of your next ‘baby bean planting’, not all of them can be done, not all will happen, and not all will happen as you want it, when you want it.
It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you!
It only means that life sometimes takes us to different directions, with a different time schedule.

So, the IF is that it only is a good idea, when you feel good about it, when it brings you positive feelings, when it helps you feel better.

Find and get in the flow, welcome the changes, stay true to yourself and chase your dreams, regardless!

A wish list from me to you

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Happiness
Health
Love
Wealth
Success
Beauty
Motivation
Connections
Soulfulness
Courage
Positivity
Fabulousness
Magic
Healing
Kindness
Empowerment
Peace
Laughter
Tolerance
Dreams
Enthusiasm
Fun
Abundance
Optimism
Intimacy
Balance
Ecstasy
Genuity
Inspiration
Resilience
Authenticity
Passion
Wisdom

And here are two songs in case you need a mood uplift.
Both can be listened to at any time – although one of them is Christmas themed – as what they say is valid all year round, in any situation.
You do deserve it all and you are able to fight for yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7lqYSD22jw 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

Merry Everything, Happy Always!

The holiday / pain season

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It is December, the so-called jolliest month of the year.
TV channels, the Internet, radio stations are showing, broadcasting endless Christmas movies, music, ads, related tear-jerking stories, and charity events, the shops, restaurants, bars, villages and cities are fully decorated … there is no way one could not realize that the countdown is on.
Christmas is pouring onto everyone from every possible and even sometimes impossible angle.

So, no wonder that a few days ago, I made the mistake of watching some Christmas movies.
Oh boy!

About 20 minutes into it I was sad, then angry, and by the end of it I was fuming.
My curiosity made me watch a few more films to check whether it was only a one-off occurrence.
As a result, I can say that by the look of it, many creative and production people just are, or with time got careless, insensitive, and clueless of present days’ mental health issues.

In the first show I watched, a woman is going home for Christmas after a breakup, planning for a relaxing, do nothing, high in self-care kind of a stay. In the very minute she gets to the front door of her parents’ house the mental abuse, the pressuring, the aggressive you must fit in kind of bullshit starts. Not only from her very own parents but from every member of the neighbourhood too.
In the next one, she gets dumped by her boyfriend by an awfully obnoxious speech from him, then just before Christmas they accidently meet again and he behaves as a master asshole, assuming her not saying much (actually due to her shock) means a yes and so he starts planning their lives together, tries to make a pass at her (and of another girl from town too), repeatedly, all together acting like a horny, arrogant, perfect example of toxic masculinity.
In another one a complete failure of communication and excess amount of assumptions are messing up the main characters’ lives.
Yet in another one a mother/manager is pushing her daughter to do and be as she sees it best, mainly for fame and money, ignoring the grown up daughter’s clearly expressed wishes.

That is how much I could take, and unfortunately, it all made me certain, that this is a tendency, present in many movies.
In movies that have a huge, often bigger than healthy, influence on people.

When one is curling up for some relaxing and is looking forward to some light-hearted, romantic, Christmassy holiday fun, the last thing one needs is anyone pushing their face into all that crap that they may fight all year round.
Being pushed, pressured, not listened to, getting mentally abused, belittled, harassed, constantly questioned about life choices are serious, real-life issues that millions are struggling with on a daily basis.
These are issues, in my opinion, that have no place in any fun, holiday movies.

For you all, who maybe wrestling with any of the mentioned issues, please know, you are good, not broken, you have all the right to be who and how you want to be and that nobody, no family close or far, no partner, no kid, no neighbour, no boss, no colleague, no politician, no ‘society’, simply no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Also know, that asking for and using help is an absolutely brave and in many situations, a lifesaver thing to do. Reach out to someone you feel you can trust. Please!

And as for this holiday, or for any other one ever, you have all the right to keep yourself away from people, gatherings and/or situations that you feel are stressing you out, where you feel, you might need to give yourself up in order to fit in.

Also, let’s not forget those countless number of people who, for various reasons, do not like it or even get sad around this time of the year.
The reasons are irrelevant for others, unless the person is ready to share those but just to give an idea, among them are those who simply don’t care for Christmas, those who associate it with some bad memories, like a breakup, losing a job/house/livelihood, the passing of a loved one, a childhood trauma, or are feeling lonelier than at any other time of the year, whatever.
All those feelings are valid!
Again, no one has the right to invalidate anyone for feeling differently from them.
One of the craziest and actually the most hurtful what you can say to such a person is ‘Come on, but it’s Christmas’. Their answer will be ‘Exactly!’.

So, all I wish for Christmas and for any holidays in general, that go, celebrate as you would want to and let others do as they would want to.
Go crazy with decorations, do all the related activities, celebrate at large, at home, away from home, alone or with others, or don’t celebrate at all, or anything in between, are all right.
Your way is not better or worse, only different.

Be kind, be understanding, allow people to be, spread love.
And if you for whatever reason are not able to do these, then just shut the fuck up and leave people be.

Toxic influences

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November 19th is International Men’s Day.
Did you celebrate it? Did you buy gifts to the important men in your life?
Did you let them know that you are proud of them, that you love them, that you think of them?

No?
You were not even aware that this day exists?
Or you were but you thought it is nothing special nor important?

Whichever is the case, it clearly shows double standards.

Why?

For one, because it is ‘observed by’ 58 Countries, opposed to International Women’s Day that is ‘observed by’ worldwide.
And second, because if you are not greeted, celebrated on International Women’s Day, at least with some flowers, then you get upset, feel down, moan about it or what not.

Bear with me, no, it is not a post to bash women, nor men.
Quite the opposite.

It is about a tendency that is present in our lives, that is going strong on all social media platforms, and it is clearly toxic.

What am I talking about?

What I am talking about is women working on becoming equal in their rights to men with all the wrong tools and attitude.
Not like feminism at its best:
‘Feminism, that is the belief and advocacy of the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes. Feminism incorporates the position that society prioritizes the male point of view and that women are treated unjustly in these societies. Efforts to change this include fighting against gender stereotypes and establishing educational, professional, and interpersonal opportunities and outcomes for women that are equal to those for men.’

And it is something that I stand behind 100%.
Women and men (and any other human gender in between) are equal.
Without one or the other gender the world would cease to exist as we know it.

What I can’t stand behind at all is the above-mentioned tendency.
That is when women are trying to lift up other women by talking down, belittling men, when they preach how women are better than men, when they preach that a man showing his feelings is weak, that a man who cries is a pussy.
Basically, doing exactly the same than the man who are labelled (rightfully) toxic.

While at the same time other women are upset, that they can’t connect to men as they are closed off, have (show) no emotions.
While worldwide statistics show that the number of men committing suicide is about the double of the number of women.

Yes, I am absolutely aware that throughout history at most part of the world at most of the time men had all the power and women were oppressed.
Yes, I am totally aware that it is still so at some part of the world today too.
Yes, I agree it must change.
Yes, I support those changes.

BUT

No, I can’t support looking down on men of today for the mistakes and sins done by their predecessors.
No, I don’t find it helpful that because of those men still working on keeping an upper hand over women one would generalize and talk shit on all men.
No, I don’t agree that if now women got to become the leading gender that would do only good.
No, I am absolutely against raising any gender above the other.

Yes, ladies, do learn to be secure in who you are, to not let anyone tell you how to look, how to dress, what to learn, what type of job to do.
Yes, ladies, please know, you do have all the rights over your body, dare to stand up for yourselves against anyone saying otherwise.
Yes, you can choose how you want to lead your life, what do you want, and what do you don’t want in it.

BUT

No, your security in yourself can’t stem from kicking men in general.
No, your fighting for your rights can’t bring a positive outcome when in return you suggest taking some rights away from men.
No, you realising and cherishing your rights to choose for yourself the life you want, can’t mean that you do the exact same towards men as men were doing throughout history towards women.

You see, the reality is that there are just as many toxic women around as toxic men.
Those women, who always find fault not only in men but in another women too, those who are always ready to criticize others for how they raise their kids, for how and what they cook or bake, for what they find important in life and what they don’t, for why they work, for they don’t work, for why they lost the baby weight pretty fast after birth, for why they didn’t lose it after x amount of time, for why they invest in their own self-development, for why they don’t, for why they start their own business, for why they don’t, for why they don’t have kids, for why they have 5, for how they dare to wear that outfit, for why they are not more brave, for why they wear make-up, for why they don’t, for why they have tattoos, for why they don’t, … their finding something to criticize in women and in men is endless.

Let’s face it, toxic masculinity is out there and by now we have toxic femininity too, which is just as harmful.
It instead of helping towards solutions, only makes more problems, more pain.

There is one thing you must understand, when a woman, a man, an alien, whomever criticizes you without even knowing you, knowing your whole story, it means nothing!
Those creatures only reflect their frustrations onto you.

So please, when you have, do, choose, decide whatever for yourself, don’t do it by criticizing, putting someone (men) else down.
No need for that.
No benefit in that.

Once we all realise that there is only one difference between people, and that is not their gender, religion, skin colour, or anything else but it is whether they are good or bad people, then we can build a world to be a happy place for all of us.

Equality, partnership, human rights are for all to understand and have.
That is, what can lead to a happy, loving, balanced life to everyone.

The power of balance

/in , , , , /by

On the Northern Hemisphere autumn is in, what means shorter days, less sunshine and a fast-approaching winter.

Nature, the only perfect design on Earth, knows what it is doing.
Fauna and flora are preparing.
Squirrels are stocking up on nuts, bears are making their caves comfortable, fishes are finding the best spots in the bottom of bodies of water, trees are letting their leaves fall, all are preparing for the cold weather.
For nature it is obvious that it needs some rest, regeneration, and growth in order to flourish.
It knows that all needs and takes time.
For it is no question that life is about balance and circles.

On the other hand humans, who nowadays live in the so called civilized world, who once upon a time understood the laws of nature and lived by them, in harmony with them – unlike all indigenous nations who are still living so –, by now are completely ignoring them.
Let themselves fall into the trap of endlessly chasing success and results, keep themselves under constant performance pressure, married to stress, more and bigger is always the aim, nothing is enough, nothing is good enough, balance became a ‘spiritual woo-woo’ concept.
All that resulted in enormous number of people suffering from anxiety, depression and other mental health issues, millions are unhappy, countless are in survival mode instead of living.
And we call this the civilized world – how funny and arrogant.

You can fight it, you can disagree with it, you can deny it, can come up with all the excuses and counterarguments, can say it is cliché;
none will change the truth of the matter, that balance is a must for a fully lived life.

No one has a long, happy and healthy life being constantly on.
Medical statistics clearly show that heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, cancer and so on, all are consequences of an overstressed lifestyle.
And that means both professional as well as private life.
Not only you have to have days off of work on a fairly regular schedule, when you are truly off, without calls, emails and the like but you have to have some time off of your usual routinely private life too.
Humans perform best when they give themselves time to rest, regenerate and grow, exactly as nature is doing it.

Especially nowadays, when in the ‘civilised’ world we are all exposed to a non-stop flow of information and impulses both online and off, our mind, heart and soul NEED some breaks.

Everyone must find that hobby, that activity, that sport, that whatever, that one is happy to indulge in, and is able and is doing without any kind of pressure.
Nothing that one does competitively will help as that is also stress on the human system.

Reading to get lost in different worlds, knitting for the sake of knitting, doing photography with the only intension of recording something for the future, listening to or making music to let it take you to another headspace, playing games for the sake of being together and connecting, gardening for its beauty, doing some DIY things for the enjoyment of the process and the final product, doing any kind of sports for its excitement, for the joy of spending time with the team mates or fellow sportsmen, connecting to nature by sitting on a seaside and watching a sunrise or sunset, going for walks, hikes, runs for to simply clear the mind and be with self and nature, these all can help to find balance.

On and off, fighting and relaxing, feeling sad and feeling happy, being emotional and being logical, keep on enduring and changing directions, physical and spiritual … they all are components of life.
There is no universal way to reach balance, for each it is different how to get there and be in that state when body, mind and soul are healthy, joyous and full of life.

If you haven’t yet, I urge you to set out to find your own way.
When you may be too far in the opposite direction, when you have no clue where and how to start, look for and use help.
It is always a profitable investment.
It worth all the effort, as finding and being in balance will benefit you in leading a happy, enjoyable, healthy, loving life.

It is a rewarding achievement.