Relationship Coach

Opposing a psychologist

Just read an interview with a big name clinical psychologist, sexual psychologist.

For the first read I was like, woah, I really don’t agree with her.
Then had a chat about the piece with a friend of mine and for the sake of being precise in the discussion I kept re-reading the article. The more I read it, the more I was like NO, this is crap!!!
Sure she is highly trained and very experienced in her profession but by what I read, I wonder what kind of partner/s she have/had and how her sex life is … of course it is also possible that again is just a bad journalist who cut some stuff together and ‘sold’ it as an authentic interview.

Anyway … one of the statements were that a woman’s full body is an erogenous zone, but a man has only one of such area. Really?
In my work as well as outside work I had zillions of conversations with clients and friends out of which none would approve the above said.
Not to talk about the men I had sex with, I experienced with all of them that they had multiple areas where if they got played with, I got to see standing results. Also, there are parts of my body where no matter how much one would invest, would never get an erotic response out of me.

Another thing that got me screaming was that she said, couples need not to discuss everything honestly because she says ‘if one is honest then wants to prove her/his point and that is straight way to conflict. Also – she asks – what should be discussed? That what to do? That would be like a GPS.’

Now come on! First of all, being honest does not mean being right.
Being honest means this is what I think, this is what it means to me, this is how I see/feel/understand of whatever it is about.
Being honest means I don’t sugar-coat shit, I don’t do/say/take/accept anything just to please the other while I do not agree.
Being honest gives way to get to know the real person, the real feelings/needs/wants/expectations … and so it gives way to meaningful COMMUNICATION and not to conflict.

What should be discussed? Anything. Everything. Whatever.

And yes, when it comes to sex, do tell your partner your likes and dislikes, let her/him know what works for you. It does not mean sex will become dull since when you have a favourite destination to go to, even the GPS offers different roads that lead there. So is in sex. The final destination is likely a given but the way how you bring your partner there depends on your creativity, enthusiasm, love, care, patience, playfulness, and of course on your physical skills too.
So please, for your sake, for your relationships’ sake do communicate, communicate continuously and communicate honestly!