Not knowing – mistake – sin
One often falls into the trap of assuming.
We assume we understand the same by an expression.
We assume we have the same ideas, limits, borders, ethical standards.
Stop hurting yourself, your partner, your relationships.
Stop assuming!
Hardly anyone is a mind reader so don’t expect your partner to know what you think.
It can get you into misunderstandings, arguments, fights, heartaches and let’s be honest here, most could be avoided only if you were into the habit of talking, asking, discussing, communicating instead of assuming.
Like with sins.
What are those things that are ‘no go-s’ for you?
When does a repeated mistake turns into sin?
What do you consider as a sin?
How far are you willing to push out your borders?
Yes, we are there again that first and foremost you must know yourself in order to be able to share these with your (would be) partner.
Are you okay with someone being late? How late? How often? Under what circumstances?
What do you do about it? Accept it? Fight over it? Break up because of it?
My mum’s solution was, once she realized he was always, without fail, 15 minutes late, that she told him to meet or be wherever they needed to be at 15 minutes earlier than she wanted him there, so like that she basically made him to be punctual … and it worked.
For her that wasn’t a reason to fight. She realized that it was something strangely messed up in his ‘system’ and she found a solution that worked for the both of them.
It never was an issue ever again.
Of course, this is a smaller example.
There are more serious ones to be considered.
Like lies.
Can you live with lies?
Are you okay with white lies?
Do you have the same understanding what white lies are?
Are secrets considered as lies?
How about cheating?
Is looking/smiling at another wo/man is already cheating?
Is having a steamy conversation counts as it?
Or is it all acceptable until it gets physical?
Or unless there are feelings involved, you can look passed it?
Where are your borders?
What are those lines within which it all needs to be kept at?
No, it is not obvious.
No, it is not self-explanatory.
No, it is not the same for everyone.
People do have different understandings, limits, frames within which feel safe and comfortable.
Two (or however many) people work well together when both (all) realize that there is no way to be discussing every possible scenario before a relationship forms.
When both are willing to share their yeses and no-s ongoingly.
When both give leeway to possible errors.
When both are willing and ready to listen, and course correct.
When both have their borders and are respecting the other’s.
So once again it boils down to self-knowledge and ongoing honest communication as every and all aspects of a relationship needs to be talked about, discussed, agreed on if you want a well working, balanced, happy union.
