When the puzzle falls apart

There are times in life when you find yourself in situations where you have no idea how did you get there, why did you get there.
There are times in life when you have no idea what you should be doing, in which direction should you be going, what could be your next best move.
There are times in life when someone asks you what’s going on with you, and you answer: nothing. Only that nothing includes so many not so significant bits, that you wouldn’t even know where to start if you wanted to list everything.

Possibly you had experienced such feelings already.

Yes, this was my summer, my past nearly 5 months of 2023 … and it was not the first time in my life for this to happen either.

This time it went like this:
I had an idea that I entertained for a while, got a boost about it through an intuition, so made it into a plan, moved along working on it to bring it to life (called, asked, discussed, planned, scheduled, worked out the details, …), everything was coming together smoothly, all seemed like the Universe had laid out the red carpet.
In the process I had packed up my life (the travelling circus, as I call it), moved away 2.000 kilometres to another Country where I was supposed to carry out the project.

All seemed like the Universe had laid out the red carpet … until it didn’t!

Since about a week after my arrival it had all fell through completely and I found myself with no project.
That meant that the income I planned with was not happening, the accommodation that was tied with the project is not there anymore, so basically my being in the Country became a question of what the heck am I even doing there.

After the initial complete confusion, eventually I remembered a sentence from Soren Kierkegaard: ‘Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.’
And as this statement had proved to be true over and over again in my life already, I let life flow as it wanted to, and move forward somehow.

Now, that nearly 5 months had passed, I looked back and started to see things why I needed to get where I am at.
In this time I faced situations that made me realize that I had some more things and people in my life what and whom I needed to let go of. It was somewhat surprising, some of it deeply painful but as I have been working on my letting go muscles a lot in the past 4,5 years, it was not overly difficult, so it is already done.
Had the chance to meet some people in person whom before this summer I only knew through voice and video calls and those meetings were great.
Wanted some more tattoos and I am lucky that the artist I wanted to do them could fit me into his busy schedule after me becoming time abundant.
Had the pleasure of experiencing some amazing body works of different modalities, one of them even helped me to get rid of my cat and dog hair allergies.
Got into a couple of situations that I can’t explain otherwise than the Universe put me there and then, and had me do what it wanted me to do.

And I experienced some completely unexpected kindness, openness, care and love too.

So yes. None of it went as planned, none of it was in my calendar, none had to do anything with my original coming here, yet I learned, I adjusted, I cried, I laughed, I worked, I bitched, I lived, and ultimately I got grateful for it all.

No, my plans are not clear as of what is next.
Yes, I have some ideas.
No, I have nothing set in stone.
Yes, I am open and curious to see how things unfold.
No, I didn’t write this for you to feel sorry for me, or be concerned with me and my life.

Yes, I wrote it to tell you, if you ever face any unforeseen changes, uncertainty, pain or feeling of being lost in life, try to be open to the option that the Universe (God, angels, fate, life, whatever you believe in) has greater, bigger, better plans for you than those what you had in mind, and all will unfold if you let it, and that you can and you will come out stronger of whatever you are going through, and all have a meaning in the end.

And yes, I urge you to believe that the best of it is still ahead of you!

Also, I know way too well that such inspirational words sometimes have the effect of ‘yeah, I heard it all already; yeah, I know, I am sick of it; I need something ‘real’’.

I hear you!
Been through that too.

All I can tell you is that when all tangible feels like falling apart around you, when your logical brain can’t make any sense of anything that are happing around you, that is the time when you must have faith the most.

Faith in yourself that you are able to get through it all;
faith in that at some point in the future when looking back, all will make sense;
faith in whatever you believe in, that there are ‘helpers’ out there who are watching out for you;
faith in that change is the only constant component of life, so whatever situation you might find yourself in, will change;
faith in that you will be okay.

Breathe.
Take one step at a time.
You’ve got this.
I believe in you!