Contemplation on breakups

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We all experience it in our lives. Some of us more than once.
Sometimes it gets brutal, sometimes smooth, some foreseeable, some completely unexpected.
Whether it happens after 6 weeks, 6 month or 6 years, however way it happens, someone will get hurt in it.

As with everything in life, here also are two sides to the story.
One is to be the one initiating the breakup, the other is to be broken up with.

Being broken up with unexpectedly, without a relatable explanation, I believe is the most difficult one of the possible combinations.
Comes as a shock and leaves you alone to deal with it without a handrail by which you could start to dig yourself out of the hole.

Okay, when the other just disappears into thin air without as much as one single word, that is worse.
That is a class act ‘jerk-ism’.

Breakups are inevitable parts of our lives. Sometimes we will be on this, and sometimes on the other side of the slash. If not in an intimate relationship (some are lucky to find their true partner for the first) then in a friendship, in family relations or in business partnership.
The question is not if we going to experience it but when and how.

To do good by one’s Karma, to be a decent human being, you might want to consider the followings.
Although all breakups are unique as are the relationships, there are some ‘rules’ that can be applied in most situations.
Of course in case of any toxic crap going on, there isn’t much to consider, just get out of and far from it ASAP.
In any other case, first think, weigh the heaviness of the issue, communicate, look for ways to mend what is mendable.
There is no such thing as instant perfect. Perfect needs work. It needs time, willingness, open and honest communication, care and love.

When all above proves to be futile then it is time to breakup.
Face to face in person, not in public, keep it civilised, save the scene/crazy drama, say/listen what is to be said, hold it together and then walk away.

Once it is done, talk with someone you trust (friend, family), allow all emotions to go through you, don’t block any of it. When the shock/pain subsides realize it happened for a reason, it showed your incompatibility and so you both are better off on your separate ways.
Now it is time to take care of yourself. The longer you were in that relationship the more likely you need to figure yourself out again, to ‘upgrade’ your identity, to get back to your authentic self.
Enjoy the you-time. Do not hurry yourself.
Don’t force yourself out to the dating scene before digesting the learning of that relationship and breakup, before healing completely.

You only can receive and give well when you are stable, in balance and open.
Connection and love are beautiful. You deserve the best of it.
Never give up!
Just know: the best is yet to come.

Another kind of loathsome

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In recent days I experienced something that triggered me.
Nothing devastating only sad, discouraging and/or annoying.
But then again, the more I was thinking about it, the more I thought that indeed it is something big and serious, although commonly we just wave it off, shrug and move on.

This action is, in general, get to be talked about a lot – now I am not getting into of what I think of the how – but this subspecies of the act, I feel is getting overlooked.

It is abuse, specifically the abuse of time.

Abuse is often subject of discussions, of warnings, of certain teachings of what to be careful about and how to recognise signs of it as early as possible.
These talks are mainly about physical, emotional, sexual and sometimes about organizational/institutional abuse.
They are much needed discussions and people must be made aware of how they can protect themselves from it or if they had already fallen victim of, then how to get out of, recover from any of such experience.
Nowadays various kind of help is available to those suffering from any of it, so once they realize and admit to themselves that this is what is happening to them, they have the chance to ask for help and recover, eventually.

But if one’s time gets abused?
By someone who is constantly late without any acceptable reason?
By someone who constantly cancels at the very last moment and so screwing up your plans?
Or if after a few hours or days, you discover that the other’s motives in a discussion/connection, let it be business or private, were exclusively selfish, with only their own interest and sake in their mind but all that was presented to be as a possible mutually beneficial communication?
Of course, we can emotionally overcome of such crap fast, saying that ‘shit happens’, not all are as they say they are.

But the real pain here is that time can not be recovered!
Time that we tend to take for granted.
Time that could have been better spent.
Time that never comes back, never can be relived.
Time that never waits, never stops.

When anyone around you shows signs of such irresponsible, even if lightly but abusive behaviour, call them out on it.
They might not even have been aware of the nature of such doing.
Do not let it slide!
Call attention to it while it is ‘small’, you might just be able to stop someone growing into a more serial/serious kind of an abuser.

By all means you’d be demolishing the ‘I didn’t realize’ excuse, at least.

 

From the Cambridge English Dictionary:
Abuser is someone who treats another person in a cruel, violent or unfair way.
Someone who uses something in a way that is harmful or morally wrong.