Easy as a restaurant review

Whatever we are talking about, depending on where we are looking, who we are asking, we can find polar opposite views, opinions, experiences about it.

Simple example is a restaurant review.
There is a nasty, negative rating and on the very same day another happy, positive one.
How will you know which one is to believe to?
How will you decide whether to go or not to that restaurant?

It will entirely depend on you.
On your mood in that moment, on your general attitude, on your previous experiences, on your wants and needs.
How?
Like that if you are in the blues, not even sure if you want to go out to eat at all, if you had at some other time at some other restaurant some bad experience already, if you are not that hungry and anyways you have other options like ordering food or finding something in your kitchen, you very likely will believe the negative view and will not go.
On the other hand when you are happy, willing to go out, had no particularly bad restaurant experience before, hungry, having no other options to choose from, you will trust the positive rating and will go.

Relying on the ratings from complete strangers, without any knowledge of their possible agendas, of what was the reality of their ratings, of what might had influenced them to write whatever they did, you made your mind up, believed one of them, made your decision.

Whatever you decided, whatever happens next, you have no right to blame the reviewer, you can’t make them responsible.

The fact though is, when you never go to that restaurant ever, you will not have a personal experience and so neither the right to claim a well-established opinion really.
Contrary to that, when you go, you will gain experience first-hand, and so you can form your own, grounded views.

… and this shit applies to anything and everything in life!

When you have an opinion about anything that you had no personal experience with and you are stating whatever you believe for God only knows why to be the truth and are eagerly spreading that out and wide, you are losing your credibility.
And so does everyone else doing that towards you!

Having an opinion is a human right. Believing whatever, to whomever is a personal choice.

To be authentic and stay trustworthy I find it a good idea that when stating something without personal experience, without thorough knowledge, is best to start by saying something like ‘although I have no personal experience, my opinion based on … is … ‘

When someone is not into an open discussion with you by talking, asking, listening, showing curiosity towards your views but throws ‘facts’, views, opinions at you about anything in life, especially concerning your looks, relationships, sex life, likes and dislikes, preferences (particularly when you didn’t even ask for it), you have all the right to not listen to that person.
Use your legitimate self-defence and ignore, use the ‘Ctrl+Alt+Del’ combo on them.

You are the only one with a full knowledge on your whys and why nots, you have to be the title character of your own life, you are no less (not more either) then anyone else, regardless of your life choices.

Therefore, whenever you decide, choose, do or don’t anything, make sure it is your decision, your wholehearted yes or no!
And thus you can take full responsibility for it too.

A small insight on regrets

In the past couple of days (again) my mind and heart were all about my mum, who passed nearly 3 years ago.
She was an incredible woman.
Intelligent, wise, beautiful, smartly funny, with an amazing sense of reading people’s character.
Seemed very much like someone who lived life on her own terms.
Still, she might have had some regrets. Won’t ever know, it is only me thinking, knowing some stories, family ins and outs … wouldn’t be a shocker if she did.
What I can know for fact is that she had a lot of adventure in her life, and she was like nobody else I ever knew.

And that got me to thinking about regrets.
What made me realize, how often in my coaching I meet with clients who have regrets, who carry regrets within them for a long time.
Then I remembered what I heard quite some time ago already, that doctors, nurses, care givers, family members have witnessed on countless occasions that those with fatal illnesses getting close to the end of their lives were open to share that they did have regrets.

Some of those most commonly heard ones are:
– wish they were brave enough to live their life as they would have wanted it, and not as others expected them to live it
– wish they hadn’t invested all that time into work, hadn’t worked so much
– wish they knew how to, had the courage to show their feelings
– wish they had taken better care of their friendships
– wish they had allowed, made themselves to be happier.

This is incredibly sad!
And I find it sad on more than one level.

Of course, it is most sad for those who got to the end of their lives, and only realized all this when they had no chance to change anything anymore.

Then I am sad for all those who live their life without realizing that they are going to have those regrets when their time comes.
Then for those who feel something is off in their lives, though yet they didn’t figure out what is that exactly.
Then for those who know, it would serve them best to change, but they dare not to, for whatever reason they accept for keeping themselves stuck.
Then for those who tried to change but let themselves influenced by others, and let themselves fall back into the unwanted patterns.

In today’s world there is a lot of help (coach, therapist, psychologist, … ) available for those who are serious about getting back to themselves, wanting to live from their authentic self and fully enjoy a happy life.

In case you recognise yourself as one building towards some regrets (or having some already), I wish you the courage to realise, your life is yours to live.
Your story is yours to write.
You have all the right in the world to be, live and do as you choose to.

Help is available when you feel that would support you to re-center.
Trust me, you don’t have to, you don’t need to do it alone.

My wish for you is not to grow regrets in your life; to turn around from the path that may lead you to have some; to make sure you won’t have more than you might already have.

As for my mum, I hope she didn’t have many regrets, that she really did enjoy a cool life and that wherever she may be now, she is regret free.
I miss you!