Talking about sex

/in , , , /by

While I knew I wanted to write something about sex in this post, I didn’t know exactly what and while I was thinking about it suddenly Facebook provided the ‘solution’.

The admin of a group wrote: ‘I think we should talk about when, with whom and why women have sex. This will be today’s topic, if I have time to write it, it will be great, we will have debates about it, I am sure.’

These two sentences were enough to start a tsunami of comments.
Everyone had something to say, some jokingly, some seriously.

By the time the post popped in front of me, it had over 60 comments (by now it is over 250).
Started reading them and saw that many people suggested that the particular post waiting to be written should go to a closed group rather than the public one.

I had to react to this. So I wrote:
‘How strange… (almost) everyone does it, but already after the proposal, without the writing itself, several people would steer the topic into closed/protected environments. Why can’t we talk about sex openly? The question is poetic, I know more about it than I care to admit.’

Naturally, there were answers.

One was that it is not that the topic is secretive, but since there may be acquaintances in this group, what one writes may get back to the family, respectively that the neighbour has nothing to do with what happens in her bedroom.

Also, the husband isn’t on Facebook, so she doesn’t have to be afraid of him even if she was posting something intimate.
But according to her, there are things that might be taboo at home.
There is also the case that the woman desires something different from the man or vice versa (she has acquaintances like that).
However, this can still mean a good, sex life because let’s say one of them doesn’t want to take sex to the next level.
And that a relationship can be good even without sex (she also has such friends).
Someone can still love another person and live peacefully and happily, even though they cannot find common ground in sex.
There may be such an age difference that makes the libido of one of them no longer satisfy the other, but they are still happy, and they don’t want to talk about this.
And much more.
And if both parties read this page, but one does not want to talk about it but the other does, then the publicity would not be fair either.

And that speaking/writing openly is not the same as being seen by many of your acquaintances.

All of this was written by everyone before the writing itself had even been created, so none of us had any idea what the admin was thinking about the mentioned topic.

Of course, I didn’t, I couldn’t leave the comments addressed to me unanswered.
Because the overall picture is brutal.

Adults who do have sex, but don’t take on their opinion about it (so that acquaintances don’t see it), is despairing in my opinion.
I agree that neither the neighbour, nor anyone else has anything to do with who, what, with whom and how does it in sex (as long as it is about adult, consenting partners), but from an open, honest conversation and exchange of opinions, anyone could learn, develop, widen their viewing angle, whoever it may be.

For me, the fact that someone is afraid that their opinion, thoughts about sex might get back to their partner or spouse, calls into question the depth and authenticity of that entire relationship.

All other listed phenomena – except when it comes to a relationship between two asexual people – are usually self-deception.
These are the things people keep telling themselves for shorter/longer periods of time because of their convenience, cowardice, self-esteem issues, etc., these are the tepid water situations in which they get stuck in.

Until they feel so badly screwed up that they start to seek some kind of help, and realize that it can be better, that they have the right to have it better, that they too deserve better.
Together or apart, but it can be and they can have it.

Don’t wait for this point, as soon as the dialogues get missed, don’t work, as soon as you get to the point where you know that something is not good for you in that relationship and you can’t solve it by yourselves, seek help right away, either a coach or a therapist, but don’t lie to yourself, don’t suffer unnecessarily.

Life is too short not to give yourself the opportunity to have better, to be happier!

Movies vs. Life

/in , /by

Woah … pure WTF!
People are going crazy because in a new movie a sex scene is too dark, showing a man in power taking advantage of a not sober woman.
Crowds are flipping out because in another movie a fictional character got portrayed with a different skin colour then before.
Some complain that in a film a criminal’s story was not shown exactly as it happened in real life.
A women called boycott against a new movie because those portrayed witchcrafts and spells can come through the screen and affect all those watching.
Others are in shock that what age differences were between actors playing couples in movies.
Also, why are straight persons impersonating gay people on screen, why is this character white and not coloured, or the other way round.
Or that character should have had different body size, hair colour, costume, whatever not.
… and it goes on. Endlessly.

People are putting time, energy, effort into collecting things that they do not approve in MOVIES.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

Movie, by definition, is a ‘recording of moving images that tells a story and that people watch on a screen or television’.
Story, by definition, is a ‘description, either true or imagined, of a connected series of events’.
Script, by definition, is a ‘written work for a film, television show, or other moving media, that expresses the movement, actions and dialogue of characters. Screenplays, or scripts, are the blueprint for the movie’.
Script writer, by definition, is ‘someone who writes stories for movies, television programs, radio, etc.’.

Movies show stories written by creative people, who might use some elements of real-life events, might have the whole story as an original idea of theirs and might combine the two.

Also, in movies the characters are played by actors.
Actor, by definition, is ‘someone whose job is to play a character in films or plays’.

So, what does all that leave us with?
That movies are not reality.
That actors are people who in their job impersonate certain creatively written characters. An actor is not their role. They are a person and playing a role is their job.
Movies do not equal real life.

Can you wrap your head around this?!?!

On the other hand, those who lash out with some above-mentioned kind of ‘complaints’ about a movie, are just simply people who, very likely, have no guts to face their own reality, to face the issues in their own lives, who fall into the ‘karen’ and/or ‘snowflake’ category.

Real life gives us enough issues to take care of.
Imagine what amazing of a positive change it could bring if all that time, energy, and effort of that many people was put into something that would really mean something.
Like stopping human trafficking, child abuse, bullying, discrimination of all kinds, sexual exploitation, …

Oh yes, these might hit home too strong.
One would need to look into the mirror and see their own faults.
And that shit is difficult.
Only the emotionally strong ones are able to do that.

Only them, who can have a look at their own lives and see what and where can be improved.
Not picking details from movies.

Only them, who in real life explain to their kids that making fun of their classmate just because they are different on any level is not okay.
Not complaining that x movie was not portraying such issue correctly.

Only them, who can in real life, stop their colleague from harassing someone in the office.
Not criticizing an actress in a film for showing more skin so she asked for it.

Only them, who can, in real life, protect one in a public space when gets attacked for any kind of different appearance.
Not joking about how in that movie the actor wasn’t even really gay.

Only them, who have ears for people in their lives to hear and help them on some way with their mental health issues.
Not laughing about a character in a movie suffering with mental health and calling them pussy.

Only them, who see and understand that women and men, all, may have issues and may are in need of help.
Not showing that movie to their kids and telling them not to be the ‘weak shit’ asking for help.

Only them, who can look at their own actions and do better whenever, wherever they can.

Life is constant change.
You can change.
You can help others to change.
Aim better, aim higher.
Be that emotionally strong person, who cleans up their own life and helps others to get better too.

Stop mixing things up.
Movies are for entertainment, watch them for that.
Life is the real deal, be present in it, make the most and best of it.