Traditions, traditional ways

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Lately I came across quite a few festivities that I had no clue what they were about and when I asked what they were, why they were the way as they were, I got the answer, it is tradition.

The meaning of the word tradition by the Cambridge dictionary is: ‘a belief, principle, or way of acting that people in a particular society or group have continued to follow for a long time, or all of these beliefs, etc. in a particular society or group’.

To keep a tradition, I believe is great, as long as we know where it originates from, what is the meaning of it, why it is structured as it is and whether it has a positive impact on people.
When we don’t, then it is time to revisit it, if we really want to keep it and if so, in what form.

Also, I believe, there are traditions that are simply outdated.
Like, I just experienced a festivity that includes the use of fire.
Asked a few locals, why the fire, they had no idea, just that it is tradition.
Now, I believe that some hundreds of years ago when this celebration started, people were marching with torches, or they might have had a bonfire or something.
Maybe for no other reason than just to have some light in the night.

Nowadays they are playing music while marching and dancing through the narrow streets of the town, what is joined and watched by kids and adults alike.
And they are using some crazy pyrotechnic devices that are like giant, spinning sparklers.

The store owners a bit earlier today had covered the windows with protective layers, the apartment owners are closing the windows and doors to make sure that there will not be any fire damage.
Among the people are marching firefighters with fire extinguishers in hand and paramedics with their first aid bags in case something goes wrong.
Many people’s clothes get small burnt holes from the flying flames, and I heard that every year there are several people ending up in hospital because of serious injuries due to the fire plays.

Is it something special to watch? Yes.
Is it safe? Not at all.
Is it clean? The absolute opposite.
But the show must go on, as it is tradition.

And you know what?
I feel very similar about a lot of things in today’s world.
Like they are outdated but society keeps them around because it is the traditional way, because it has been so for ages.

Like gender roles.
Like only a man and a woman are a couple.
Like a woman’s job is to give birth.
Like the man is the head of the household.
Like go to school, get a job, do as you are told, don’t ask questions, play nice, retire.
Like have a family, fit in, be a good neighbour.
And so on.

Luckily, there are more and more people in more and more areas who are breaking the pattern, are opening their mouths and speaking up, are bravely leading the changes.
And this is the key!
The world changes!

We know more, we know else, than people of the Roman Empire or of the Middle Ages or even of the last century.
We have different resources, different life span, different health care options, different living conditions.

Also by now many understands that although we are all human beings, we are all different, though we have many similarities.

For fact, every single person is performing best in every aspect of their life, when they operate from their authentic self.
When one can be who one wants to be. Gender does not defines talent, amount of knowledge, creativity, or value.
When one can love whom they want to, can enjoy sex with whom they want to. One’s choice that might be different than the next person’s, is none of anybody else’s business but the one’s.
When one can have or not have a family by their own preference. Nobody is to have any say in this, only the person, couple in question.

So regardless if it is a celebration or a societal expectation, traditions can be an important part of life as long as they serve the people, as long as they are safe, human and are still carrying value.
When it is not the case, then traditions, traditional thinking needs to be looked at and decided whether partially need to be rethought, or maybe even fully just let go of.

From the past we must learn but must not drag it along for the disadvantage of the present.

Annoyed and ranting

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Sexuality is part of every human being.
Sex is an activity exercised by most human beings.

It is obvious that there are many problems around these subjects worldwide, rooting in not understanding, not knowing, in lack of support, in lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence.
Of course, in these cases, as with anything, education is the answer.
It is highly likely it would be a tremendous improvement towards solving all such issues for future generations if teenagers could learn openly about them.
Unfortunately, there is still no (or only in a few countries) education on them integrated into school curriculums.
For adults it is also not easy to find ways to get themselves educated if they feel the need to.

At the same time, there are many of us, coaches, trainers, psychologists, therapists around the world who see these problems and are/would be willing to take on the task of talking / teaching / helping.
And of course, we are doing exactly that within our offered services.

For that, we want to show ourselves, advertise, make it easy for people to find us.
We want to be easily visible so we could help all those in need, those who are ready and willing to improve, to learn, to solve certain issues.
And this where we all get screwed big time!

On the internet, let it be in or out of social media platforms there is a ‘witch hunt’ going on.
The word ‘sex’ cannot be written as is. Must come up with creative lettering ( s e x, s@x, …) if we want to talk about it.
Photos to illustrate what we are saying must not show much skin, nor be sexually explicit as they say it.
When we write ‘sexual education’, we get punished by being restricted in visibility.
In any situation we want to explain something we are forced to use ‘flower language’ that makes things more complicated, less effective.
You get the picture.

All because the word ‘sex’ got demonised by collecting all activities from masturbation to consenting adults making love to rape and exploitation of kids under the same word.

Yes, I know, Web and dark web.
Yes, I know, AI.
Yes, I know, there are many explanations and excuses.

Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I am sick and tired that us, who want to help, who want to make it easier for people to find understanding, non-judgemental pair of ears, to provide possible life saving resources are forced back to our own little corners, and so us being found is by sheer luck.

I am mad that because those who created the systems had no knowledge on the subject, no willingness to categorise, nor understanding of the consequences of their doing, of that the damage is continuous.
They form and play the system in their own favour and show up as the keeper of values, as the saviours of the world.
They say we have to be kept in line, they say they are saving kids from our bad influence, improper content … at the same time they are letting real shit be present and be on the internet.

When I say sex is good, love is love and I can help you to feel good about yourself, then I need to be closely monitored, even denied access to certain services, restricted in visibility, etc.

So yeah, I am fed up and sick of this hypocrisy and all those hypocrites who blow the same whistle.

And I don’t care if some in power try to turn things back as they were in the 1950’s, if the internet is keep coming up with further restrictions, I won’t shut up!
I will still preach, maybe even louder, to all who listens that sex is amazing, that sex is to happen between consenting adults, that it is nobody else’s business of how and with whom you live your sex life with as long as is between legal aged, consenting partners, that there is no constitutionally wrong way or right way of having sex, that sex is healthy, that sex is fun.
That your life is yours to have, yours to live.
That your relationship has to satisfy you and your partner(s) and nobody else.
That your body is yours and you do with it as you want to.

Take charge of your life, don’t give up, don’t give in!

Live, laugh, love

Mind games – the best kind

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Warning: NOT for the faint of heart!

Sex is not a purely physical activity. I mean great sex is not.

It all starts in the mind.
What do I mean?

Well, in a loving, healthy, balanced relationship the partners want to get to know one another, they want to do things that the other likes, that pleases the other. Obviously not only in sex.
In sex too.

Also, people change, their likes and dislikes change, their moods change, their wants and needs change.
All that is natural, all that is normal.
As one learns more of life, gains more experiences, and so on, all that makes changes inevitable.

It is not always that one declares that now this or that has changed, that their interest has shifted but when one pays attention to the other then can pick up signs from the partner and can ask, can act on those signs.

So, coming back to today’s subject, sex:
when watching a movie and something sparks an interest, when overhearing a conversation and there is something that tickles your curiosity, when any verbal or visual stimuli makes you curious and, in your mind, you start playing out scenarios how that particular thing could be brought into your sex life, the mind game starts already.

And when you are ready to share that with your partner, let’s say in the evening, after dinner while sipping on a glass of drink, you start telling the whole story, how, where this is coming from, what is that excites you in it, that you’d be willing to bring that into your sex life, at least for a try, … now you are playing a mind game with your partner.
You are not doing anything, ‘just’ are having some sexy chat … and when your partner likes the idea, their mind starts to wander too.
Keep it fun and exciting so even if you both are willing to give it a try, don’t do it on that night, let both of your minds, imaginations have some ‘play times’.
When you eventually get there that you do try that for real, you both will be excited, curious, and invested.

Also, like when you are just after sex, you always can whisper in the ear of your partner, what will you do next time when you have sex.
That will linger in their mind, will be thinking about it, will make them smile, will hold an erotic tension in the air.

When you send a sexy text message, when you casually drop a remark while you are on your way out of the house, when you put on a clothing item you know your partner loves on (off) you … these all are mind games.

All the above are, of course, only to be tried, used, when you are wanting to keep a healthy, sexy vibration going on between you.

Sure, it is not for everybody.
And that is okay too.

But when you are open, ready, and willing to put in some effort for to have an even more exciting, more sexy relationship … the benefits are sweet and juicy.

Everything is energy

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Everything is energy.
It is science, it is fact.

It was expressed by Nikola Tesla as well as Albert Einstein and when it comes to science, they are kinda reliable sources 😉

On many different level spirituality is speaking about energy too.
Like right now a very intense happening is on; from the 26th of July till the 12th of August there is a strong energy movement, and its peak is today, the 8th of August, the pinnacle of the opening of the Lion’s Gate portal.
(When interested in details, he explains it well, I think https://www.facebook.com/ArcturianCodes )

Everything is energy, so it means so is nature, us, and every connection we have are also energetically charged, have a vibration.

Surely you heard of people (if you are not one of them) who are affected by the moon’s cycles, like their sleep is messed up at every full moon, or those who claim all their worries and wrinkles smooth out as soon as they are by the sea, or those who love walking in the rain as that always makes them feel better.

When it comes to people, again, you surely heard of, or might personally came across some after meeting with whom you always feel drained, or the exact opposite, happy and recharged, or when with them, you feel some unexplainable nervousness and so on.

We are influenced by energy coming from nature, animals, from other people and we are influencing others with our energies too, of course

Whenever you are experiencing any issues, arguments, negativity towards you, one thing you can do is to check your own energy.
What are you radiating?
Can that be a reflection of yours, coming back to you?
Maybe you need to shift a bit towards a calmer, more positive state.

No, I am not suggesting ‘hurray-optimism’, no I am not suggesting denying any real, own feelings and energies.

What I am suggesting is to check in with yourself if what you are radiating in that moment is really yours or you might have picked it up from somebody/something else and you are rolling with that.

Like when you are cranky, negative, angry, is it really because you are feeling so, or is that ‘stuck’ on you from a previous interaction and now you are coming from that energy and so are messing some more up around you.

You see, it is like a rolling ball.

When can go out into the world with a light, happy, calm energy, likely that people you come in contact with will be feeding from your positive energy, you will be meeting others on a similar energy level as you are on, or even on a higher one.

When, on the other hand, you realize that whatever good mood you are in, certain people always bring you down … well, the simple cure for that is to avoid contact with such people.

Yes, if you are in a close, meaningful relation to such a person, you always can invite them to talk, ask what is going on in their head, in their soul. They might will be gladly jumping on the opportunity and share with you what is their story, but it is also possible they are not even aware of them being such a dark cloud.

When in a relationship, it pays off being aware of self too.

It does make life more easy, it makes it more authentic and more smooth of a ride.

When you connect, communicate, love, have sex while you are radiating your own energies, your own feelings, your real self, it all gets on a higher level of amazing.

By all means on every level it worth the work having your energies cleaned, of being aware, of knowing of and protecting your high vibrating, light energy.

Be kind, keep on loving, vibe high!

People of the Internet

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‘He got hot and cold from the people of the Internet’ – was a sentence in an article I read yesterday.

It is astonishing to me how with this wording it becomes an entity, independent from us.
And unless I missed the note that there is another race such as ‘Internet people’ living on Earth, and they are other than people people, than the reality must be that ‘the people of the Internet’ are us!
All of us, the people who post, ask, comment, rate, buy, sell, use the Internet.
And that means that all the nice and all the ugly comes from us.

All is good as long as it is nice, fun and/or supportive.
But!
The issue already starts here.

Since people are different, have different morals (or none at all), come from different cultural backgrounds, have different understanding of the world, already fun and supportive have plenty of different interpretations.

For example, pranks are big nowadays.
Thousands of videos are up on the net with different ones, and some became trends, meaning someone did one which they filmed, put it up on the Internet and others started to copy it and showing their version of it.
All that means that there are many people who like this, like to watch it, like taking part in it, who consider it as fun.

On the other hand, there are many who don’t like pranks.
The logical and simple solution would be for those people not to watch them.
And of course, many does exactly that.
However, there are those who don’t like pranks yet still watch them and feel the need to comment something not nice or even nasty.

As for being supportive, the same applies as above.
Of course, again there are the genuinely supportive comments.

Unfortunately another category is when the commenter might feel it is support but in reality, they only belittle, hurt the poster of the original content.
Surely, you’ve seen some of these, like someone says they have a headache, nothing seems to help, and a person reacts like no worries, it will go, be happy it is only a headache and nothing serious.
That is not support!

The Internet is full of people who seemingly have nothing better to do than posting their opinion in every and all situations.
You know, like someone celebrates their weight loss and those bitter bums write ‘who cares’ or ‘yeah, nice photoshop’ or ‘is not the same person’.
Or someone writes they got a promotion and are happy about it. Comes bitter bum saying ‘show off’ while the other bitter bum writes ‘yeah, aren’t you too old for this position, shouldn’t you have been there years ago?’.
Or one says it seems to be difficult to maintain a happy relationship. Bitter bum comments ‘be happy you have one’, or ‘who cares’, or ‘well, if you can’t maintain it, maybe you shouldn’t have it’.
Or someone started gardening and are posting photos of their progress in their garden. Yes, bitter bum will be quick to comment like ‘well, not much to show off, is there’, or ‘yeah, good try but you should plant so and so instead that and should grow that taller and the other should be trimmed better’, or ‘ah, well, anyway, here look at my photos’.

You get the idea, don’t you’!?

Whatever you do, create, show on the Internet, you must know there always be those bitter bums who will try to pull you down, humiliate you, try to overshadow you and some of them will even be plain ugly.
All will have advice for you, regardless if you asked for it or not.
And they will be contradicting!

Bitter bums are people who you have no idea who they are.
Exactly the same as is with society.
The expression ‘people of the Internet’ and the word ‘society’ are both referring to masses of people who you have no idea who they are, and they have no idea, and don’t even care who you are.
Some of the ‘bb’s are not even ready to show themselves, are only a faceless ‘ghost’ on the Internet.

These commenting, advising bitter bums mustn’t interest you at all.
They are people who have shallow lives, not much they can show as achievements, they are narrow minded, have no guts to sort themselves, their lives out, so all they do is attack and blame others.
Do not pay attention to them.
You do not need their, nor anyone’s approval to be you.

When you want to show off some of your achievements, whatever it may be, anything that is important to you, just do it!

The ’people of the Internet’ have no idea who you are, what wars you are fighting, what life you are living.
They have no right to criticize you in any way.

To protect yourself from these negative vibes, when you have some questions in regards of anything, don’t ask them, but find an expert you trust and ask that person.

Be you, be kind and be selective who do you listen to!

Waking up or falling down

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When the US supreme court rules against women having full control over their own body,
when a war is going on in Europe,
when the Taliban took over Afghanistan again,
when in Hungary the government is planning to bring back administrative structures that root in the Middle Ages,
when while the whole world is just trying to recover from 2 years of major pain it already is getting threatened with other similar crap,
when politics and religions are used purposefully to  divide people, to turn them against each other,
when the media workers forgot their profession and are serving nearly exclusively the highest paying ‘client’,
when for the sake of more money and power corporations are killing the Earth,
when sick people (kids and grown up alike) and people down on their luck need to ask the public for financial aid to survive because governments are not doing their job well,
when cultural events are in need of public funding because otherwise would not be possible for them to happen,
when …

As I see it, from the elected superiors mostly comes crap.
They are fast and furious in taking people’s hard-earned money as different taxes, are coming up and imposing rules and laws onto people where they only ‘forget’ to consult the experts of the given area and more and more often, more and more of them act like they have lost all contact with reality.

Basically, it very much seems to me that the world is only working yet because the people are doing and contributing way more than it could be called ‘normal’.
On many occasions I even wonder what is a government doing, what is the benefit for the people of having, paying one to be.

So, I am convinced in case anyone wants to change anything for the better, the only way is by the individual.
Meaning that if anyone wants to live in a better, more kind, more liveable world then one must start with self!
Tough job it may sound but in reality, it does not need to be.
Any small kind act you do, starts a positive ripple effect that may get larger than you would ever imagine possible.
A smile, a kind word, truly listening ears, a compliment, a helping hand, a thoughtful small gift, all have the power to change one’s day for the better.
And then that person may will continue spread the kindness as s/he will be in a better mood and might want to share it further and so on and so on.
Hopefully one day in the not too distant future we will get there that the kind, thoughtful, caring people will be the majority and will take over the world.
When humanity will realise and understand that the masses of the so called little people together are having a way bigger power then the few on the top of the pyramid, and finally understand that when us down here start to move together, those not so liked ones on the top will fall off!

Any other option, like not getting nicer, not taking personal responsibility, not realising and starting to use the power of unity for the betterment of life, not getting the over spilling ego and greed under control will lead to an ugly, nasty, unliveable world or in worst case to the end of the world as we know it.
Look at history, every (Mayan, Greek, Roman, Aztec, Inca, …) civilization, regardless how great they were, fell in the end!
Wouldn’t it be high time to learn something from the past?!?
It is all there. The greatness, the falls, the reasons, the consequences.

So, in short, wake the fuck up, people!

We can have, do and be better.
Be kind, spread love and enjoy the ride!

The power of choice

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One always has the choice between saying the truth or lie.
Whatever you decide to say in any given situation, has consequences.
Sometimes those will affect only you, sometimes a few and sometimes many people.
The responsibility though is fully yours.

When you are losing people while being honest, voicing your truth then those were not your people to begin with.
When you are gaining a circle while lying, then you are building on swampy ground and for sure will come the time when it all falls down and buries you under the ruins.
Not a pretty face, not a hefty bank account, no parents, no lawyers, no friends, nothing and no one will save you from it.
The truth always finds a way to surface.

Yes, all this came to mind as I saw some bits and pieces of a recent court case.

And then along these lines …
It might be an unpopular opinion (don’t care), but I am sick and tired seeing, hearing stories, situations, working with people who suffered of, are suffering such ‘societal’ bonkers.

Meaning: certain traits got associated with and claimed to be done by men or done by women.
In the fight for equality among the sexes, to stop sexual abuse, somehow from one side of the horse we are falling over to the other side.
Seemingly people have serious difficulties sitting on the back of it, finding balance.

Yes, there are men who believe women are less of a species than them.
Yes, they behave as complete assholes, talk down on women, are mansplaining life to women, have the belief that sex with a woman is their, and only their decision of when and how, who think that women need their permission for everything and so on.

In this out of balance society though it is not recognized? or not believed? that there are women who are exactly on the same way towards men, who are real nasty bitches, only thinking of men as cash machines, who play men, who use men to advance their own lives, who use sex as a mean of getting what they want, who can lose their shit completely when a man is not fully following their demands.

The reality is that regardless of gender, a person is either decent or not.
Either a good human being or not.
Being hysterical, entitled, power hungry, pathological liar, abuser, a nuisance, letting out bad vibes, being simply repulsive can be just as much a man as a woman.
It is not the gender, it is the personality.

Sure, you can disagree with me, deny all the above, you can come with ‘yeah, but more men are like this, and more women are like that’ or whatever not.
None of it is changing what I am experiencing, seeing, and working with.
This is my truth.

The life of us all, and so the world, would be a much better place if we were accepting each other as equals regardless of gender, skin colour, religion, sexual preferences, financial state or whatever, and would clean up our intentions towards one another.

Wherever on this journey of life you are at, as long as you have a pulse, it is never too late to recognise you can get better at whatever and go for it.

At the end of this experience, called life we ALL end up as dust.
Nobody will be spared from the end, no power, no belief, no money will matter in that.
The only difference is, that in some cases we just sigh and say ‘finally’ and in other cases we say ‘what a loss’.

So!
Yes or no.
Lie or not.
Asshole or not.
Decent or not.
Accept or not.
Love or not.
…
All is a choice.

Throughout life it is always a choice.
Everything is a choice.
It is your life and that means your choice.
Grab and live with this power.
Own it!

Wanting your ex back

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‘How do I get my ex back?’ – a friend asked me, and that question led to a long conversation and to some beautiful healings for them.

That experience made me think more about this phenomenon.
Here is what I am wondering: what makes you want your ex back?
I mean you just broke up a few weeks, a few months ago.
What changed?
What makes you think this time it would be different?
What makes it worthwhile for you and for your ex to give it another go?

Surely there were reasons for breaking up.
You weighed the pros and cons and then made a decision.
You parted, and you both on your own way started to process what happened and depending, maybe even started to heal too.
And now you want to get back together!?

Were you the sole reason of the breakup?
Were you the one who was broken-up with?
Have you understood and agree to all the shortcomings your ex listed as reasons for the break-up?
In this short time did you realize it was all spot on about you and so you dived in and sorted out, changed, healed it all?
Also, while at it, it became clear to you that s/he is exactly whom and how you wish your partner to be?
In this short time did you manage to do all that?

If it is so, then what was holding you back from doing any of it while in the relationship?

When it was you breaking up with your partner, then what changed in you that you want to start again?
What makes you believe that your partner was willing to do the work, and has done all of it to sort themselves out and would want to be back together again?

When the breakup happened upon mutual agreement then the questions are the combination of the above.

At any time, the idea of a re-start occurs to you, before doing anything else, think about your motives.
What makes you wanting that relationship back?
Is it comfort?
Routine?
You feeling lonely at the moment?
Not wanting to start from zero with someone else?
Resignation?
Lack of self-confidence, that you won’t find better, so might as well settle?
Dreading the idea that they might be much better off with someone else?
Jealousy?
Some sick revenge?
Realized you screwed up and made a hasty decision and now you want to correct that?

What is it really, that makes you consider going ‘backwards’?

Be honest with yourself!
Might be painful, might be uncomfortable but by all means, with that you are doing the best to yourself.
Life is a forward motion, moving backwards serves you rarely.

P.S.
Always keep in mind that you wanting your ex back does not mean your ex wants you back too.
And you must accept and respect that!

Partners or/and parents

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A couple of days ago I attended a business get together.
The initial aim was networking and helping each other forward.
After some who is who, the discussions soon turned away from the original subjects and became one about relationships, more precisely about whether it is possible to keep a partnership alive and thriving when having kids or a drifting away, even divorce is inevitable.

The whole change of subject started by the introduction of one of the ladies, when she said she is just about reinventing herself, starting a small business all by herself after being married for 28 years and divorced for 1.
The kids grew up, she explained, flew out of the nest and she and her husband realized they had not much left in between them apart from living under the same roof as two somewhat distanced friends.
Also, she found herself ‘useless’, not knowing what to do with herself, as for the last 25 years of her marriage, her life was the family, was the raising of the kids.
Hence now the reinvention of herself.

Hmmm, the infamous ‘empty nest’ syndrome.

Unfortunately, many parents fall into the ‘trap’ of functioning almost exclusively as a parent from the time a child is born.

Naturally, a mother/father loves their seedling and wants to do everything for their well-being, but when it becomes exclusive and the relationship between the adults is not nurtured but everything revolves around the child – eat only what the child loves, adjust everything around the kid, family programs are dictated by the child’s interest, and so on – then it’s no wonder that the relationship is flattening out.

Instead of ‘fitting’ the child into the life of the parents, they change their life around nearly completely to accommodate every vibe of the child.

Of course, a child, regardless of age, will always remain a child to the parents, but it is important to note that in a healthy line-up the moment comes when the child begins to live their own life, starts to ‘peel off’ of the parents, gets onto their own path.
So, the child is a ‘transitional state’ in a long term relationship, and the relationship itself is the permanent element.

When it is not recognized and the focus fades off of the relationship of the parents, when their conversations become all about the kid(s), when they often are tired for each other, when intimacy and sex become a distant memory, when the ‘just the two of us’ times cease to exist, this is when the partnership starts to corrode.
Because a relationship does not deteriorate after x years, but steadily declines, flattens and at a certain point it gets realized that it is ‘broken’.

To avoid the melting away of a once loving relationship, it is essential that it is continuously nurtured, revitalized, worked on, so that it remains balanced, happy, and lasting.

Not to mention that the child also develops better, feels happier, gets more open to the world among balanced, happy parents, so it is important not only for mum and dad but also for the child that parents have time for themselves and each other.

It does not have to be anything super complicated.
Once a week, at least once every two weeks, take time, a few hours, for yourselves!
An only the two of you evening with a dinner out, a cinema, a theatre, a couple of drinks with friends, or staying in while the kid(s) are with the grandparents and enjoy a lazy, cuddling time, some form of intimacy, sex, a conversation when your full attention is on each other, anything that is about the two of you, that makes you connect with each other can work wonders in maintaining, reinforcing, keeping your relationship alive and happy.

Also, some time for yourself is also essential.
Everyone must find time to keep their body and soul in harmony.
Recharging, realigning means something different to everyone, it can be anything from a long bath to a good book, a lonely walk, some sport, hobby, anything, where the need to get/keep yourself in your best form, whatever that may mean to you, gets served.
Remember, you can give the best and most of yourself, when you are well, when you feel good in your own skin, when you are well both mentally and physically.

And yes, I hear the choir ‘but time’ and ‘but this’ and ‘but that’.

Against all outdated, nasty, downright stupid ‘societal’ and ‘Internet wise’ traditions, rules or whatnot, healthy selfishness is mandatory and can be learned!

One cannot afford to become a negligible, last in the line aspect.
It only hurts yourself and through this hurts your family.
Pretty counterproductive, right!?!

In any happy, balanced, healthy relationship it is true that you get as much time, care, love from the other person, as much you put in.
So think this over and adjust your priorities if you feel the need to do so.
It’s never too late to get, feel, live better!

Living in the now

/in , , , , /by

What do we all have for sure?
The moment we are in.

I know!
You heard it a million times already; but have you ever given a real thought to it?
And I don’t mean any spiritual, superstitious, metaphysical way but the very real, very human, very down to earth way.

Like, let’s say, you are in a relationship, you had a disagreement/argument two days ago. You did not talk it out, you did not talk it through, you did not express what and why was hurtful, unpleasant to you.
Today, now, something triggered something in you, and it brings up that unsolved issue  from two days ago.
So now you bitterly attack your partner, though what happening now is a tiny thing and under normal circumstances you might would not even notice it.
But because of that undiscussed/ unresolved something from the past (2 days, 3 months, 9 years ago) you are actively screwing up your present with something, that is not even directly related.

This is true for any kind of situations, in every kind of a relationship.

Like, at work your colleague asks you to help her/him with a task, you say yes and end up doing it all by yourself on top of your own tasks.
Do you say something then and there or are you letting it boil within you and next time or the one after that, you simply blow up as that last little thing in the now is making it all overflow?

Or you are doing something nice to someone (a favour, a gesture, some kind of a help) and the other person is not acknowledging it at all.
Do you say something right in that situation or you let the bitterness of non-appreciation build in you?
Next time in a similar situation, do you say something? Would you be pointing back to what happened earlier and with your grown bad feelings react probably way stronger than the present situation would call for, or simply just get mad and throw it all at them?

Surely you know what I am talking about, you must have had at least a few occasions when something similar happened, when you let earlier events affect the now.
The last drop effect – how many times did you say: it’s enough, it was the last drop!

The universal truth is, we can’t go back in time to alter any situation, to sort any shit out then and there, because all we have, is the NOW.

This leaves you with two options:
the easiest and most harmful is to keep fucking up this, and all the coming nows with any unattended crap from the past. Choosing this guarantees that you rob yourself from more happy, balanced, peaceful times.
The other option is that you decide and do draw a line now, start working on yourself to be able to let the past go as you understand that you have no way to change it, and while doing so, you consciously stay in the NOW as much as you can and stop collecting further issues that you grow into more unresolved matters with what you keep screwing things up.

When you choose the second option, soon you will realise your relationships getting smoother, your self-confidence rising, your communication clearing up, you experiencing more positive feelings as you will not chew on old hurts and you will see, recognise more bright, happy things in your surroundings.

The benefits of being and staying in the NOW, I believe, worth all the self-cleaning work, all the letting go.
Choose wisely.