Back in the old days the female and male roles were clear: women at home, minding the fire, making the food, bringing up the children; men are out, fighting wars, making money, holding all decision rights, making the livelihood of their families.
Women were the followers, the submissive, men the leaders, the dominant.
Or at least this is what we hear nowadays.
But this is only a very general theory that graciously forgets the countless female leaders and future-changing great minds like Nefertiti, Cleopatra, Empress Catherine the Great, Empress Maria Theresa, Madame Curie just to name a very few.
As well as it does not value the impact of the countless “nameless” witches, healers, midwifes who were there to help their communities who were relying on them.
Plus there is another forever existing “phenomenon”, the faceless, nameless women who quietly influence or even rule from the back row, supporting their man to be the seen and known ruler.
We are so arrogant and judgemental when looking back in history and declare (about anything), this is how it was.
We are not having thorough understanding of what is going on around us right now, let alone any given time back in history.
What we have are some written and/or pictorial evidence of certain events from the point of view of who might have made those documents.
Exactly as it is today with the media.
As I see it, male and female roles were never black and white. It always was and still is a symbiosis.
Fair enough, there were and are generally accepted and held characteristics and today I also find it true that those got blurry as well as it is easier to pick and live, by personally chosen ways than in earlier eras.
At the same time this possibility brought in a lot of confusion, tension.
It gave plenty more options to women but not that much more to men.
Think about it: women can vote, lead a single life, wear pants, work, be involved in politics, decide not to have children, travel, pick up any hobbies … basically a woman can lead, have and decide a life all by herself.
What with the men? Not much changed for them … still have all what they have always had.
Only now there are women with whom they are needing to share the “business” with.
Basically, we are living in a world (at least at the most part of it) where anyone can be and do as they choose.
And all that put a great burden on intimate relationships.
That freedom, that I find amazing and a real value to keep, is presently often confusing as there are no clear guidelines anymore.
It became pretty difficult to learn, figure out how one should relate to another in an intimate relationship or in any relationship really.
Sexual harassment, women’s rights, equality in treatment and in pay, what do women want, how men think, demonising men – around these subject huge businesses got built, benefitting tons of money to their creators but not necessarily are giving the answers to the seeker.
I, for one, hate the excessively present concept of in order to have one feel well, have to make the other the faulty one.
It does not work like this, I believe it only brings further tension, stress, disrespect, frustration.
As a solution, to start with, if I had the power, I would bring back and spread the unfortunately less and less common, common sense!
The greatest, most general of such common sense bit would be to have everyone let sink in the fact that humanity dies out unless women and men cooperate.
A world exclusively populated by women or by men is impossible, inhumane.
Also I would be happy to spread the theory that civilization as we know it is about 6.000 years old, though the modern form of humans evolved about 200.000 years ago, meaning that our genes as woman or man have been coded for a considerably long time by now.
So, when “earth shattering” changes are coming about … well, it takes more than 10, 50 or even 100 years to get imprinted.
Man is the hunter, the provider, the protector – you want it or not it is still there, in the genes of every man.
Woman is the warmth of the home, the caretaker, the emotional – yes, guessed it right, it is there in the genes of every woman.
Of course, we are different, of course, we come with different backgrounds, different education, different anything but the deep coding is still there, it is still surfacing in each and every one of us.
And this is why I would teach classical values, those that stood the storms of ages and always proved to be working.
Like chivalry for men, honesty, trustworthiness, decency for all, gentleness, caring for women.
No, it is not making you any less of a man if you had and lived by these values, actually it is on the contrary. It really would show your strength and the desirable gentleman in you if you would open the doors for her, would help her coat on/off, would hold an umbrella over her when it rains, would carry any heavier item for her, just to name a few.
No, it is not making you any less of an independent, strong woman if for example, you with a smile and a thank you would take his chivalrous acts, if you asked for his help sometimes, if you would notice his likes and would cater for those.
Simply put, if we understand the forever truth that women are women and men are men, and although freedom and choices are here to be enjoyed on a personal as well as on a collective level, some basics are carved in stone.
Enjoy who you are, screw what others you think might expect of you, be authentic, hold your head up and declare to the world, here it is, this is who and how I am, you can like me, support me or you can turn away from me but there is one thing you can’t do, you can’t make me let myself down ever again!
And that is the moment that brings your world to change, when you find that intimate relationship with your perfect partner you were always looking for, when all your relationships clean up, those just using you or being around you for any kind of their own benefit will drop out, when the respect that you show to yourself and others will be shown by others to you.
That is when your life finally gets real!
