Opinion – clearing some myth

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Mostly everyone is generous in giving, sharing, offering opinions, even pushing theirs onto others, regardless whether asked for it or not.
Often some does it out of a fully convinced self-importance.

An opinion, by definition, is a judgement, a viewpoint, or a statement that is not conclusive.
It is a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

And that is what you always need to keep in mind when getting one on anything, that an opinion is not the universal, unquestionable truth.
Which means, there is no reason for you to get upset when you hear one that you can’t identify with, that you don’t feel to be right for you.

You do have the right and are allowed to have your own opinion, to have different opinion to those shared by the other person, opposing opinion, or even have no opinion at all.
You do have the right and are allowed to accept an opinion, to act on an opinion or to disagree with it, even ignore it completely.
The palette is 360° and it is up to you what you do, how you deal with an opinion.

What you can’t do for the sake of yourself, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, is to let anyone ‘rule’ you with their opinions.
Why?
Because when you let that happen, then basically you allow someone else to ‘lead’ your life.
And that is far from healthy, far from constructive, far from happy and is not sustainable.

Also, for all the above mentioned reasons, when you share your opinion on anything with anyone, just make sure you word it with positive, helping intention, when you say it you are not expecting it to be taken, as well as you are ready to accept a possible counter-opinion.

When the exchange of opinions happens this way than you are on the right path to meaningful conversations.

In my opinion! 🙂

The green-eyed monster

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Psychologists are saying that it is a natural and perceived to be negative feeling.
They established categories:  normal and abnormal.
Within these two categories six types are identified: rational, family, pathological, sexual, romantic, power.
They say it is normal to feel it in a close relationship.

Jealousy.

What makes it normal?
Is it that many people are? Is it that it is subject of many chats, gossips? Is it that many people already experienced it on a way or another?

In my opinion it is not normal.

It is a feeling without any constructive outcome.
It does not help, it does not make things move forward on a positive way.
It does not make connections deeper nor more committed.

What it does though is that it hurts the person feeling it.
Also, when it gets impossible to hide it, and criticizing, fault finding, blaming, overprotectiveness, suspiciousness, quick temper, verbal or even physical abuse happens in the name of it, then the person on the receiving end suffers too.

In my opinion jealousy is a result of self-worth issues, uncertainty, instability, lack of self-love, lack of trust, lack of self-knowledge, of self-acceptance.

As none of that is serving the best possible life of anyone, none of that should be taken as ‘okay’, as ‘this is how it is’, especially that all can be turned around.

One can learn to know her/his self-worth, can become certain and stable, can start working on and getting to self-love, can learn to trust, can get to knowing and accepting self.

Jealousy is not a ‘sentence for life’ when one is ready to do the work.
When one wants a loving, caring, balanced relationship then the best s/he can do is start the work immediately.

Especially that no one to be expected to suffer its damaging effects endlessly, so no surprise when one decides to walk away from a jealous person.

An often hidden ‘ghost’

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Have you ever heard the expression ‘trauma response’?
It is mostly used for the emotional response to some terrible events, like an accident, rape or natural disaster.

On a seemingly lighter level, agreeing to things just to keep the peace, is actually also a trauma response that becomes part of life of a relationship dependent person.

It originates mostly from childhood, when for the parents, family members to not to have a go at the kid for whatever reason, s/he learns that the easiest way out is to agree – even though s/he doesn’t feel it, think it so – to whatever the adult is saying, so peace can be had.

On top of that when a person is relationship dependent, is often times a response to experiencing the mostly non-recognised trauma of repeatedly being told, and so conditioned to, that ‘you are nothing’, ‘you never going to make it by yourself’, ‘you never will be able to make a life for yourself’, ‘you can’t stand on your own feet’, ‘you are unviable’ and so on.

As a result, this person can only imagine their adult life within a relationship, where they are under the impression that with the other person by their side now they are someone, now they are able to have a life, to survive, be secure, to live.
And so to upkeep the relationship they agree to everything their partner wants, in the hope that it will make it last.

Usually, this person has no personal boundaries or if they do then continuously disrespect those for the sake of ‘peace’.

Being relationship dependent by all means blocks the way to become and live as a self-confident, independent, secure, stable person, prevents or at least interferes with the person’s growth, of achieving their highest potential, of living their own life on their own terms.

Being relationship dependent is only a way of existing and not a way of living.

When one realises this trap and builds the courage to decide to get out of such scenario, for most, coaching can switch on the light at the end of the tunnel and be the necessary help to be able to take that journey to a brighter, more healthy way of life.

When you recognise yourself in the above written, I wish you all the strength to rise up, get some help and rewrite the rest of your life story on a personally more satisfying, free, (self)loving way.

Contemplation on breakups

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We all experience it in our lives. Some of us more than once.
Sometimes it gets brutal, sometimes smooth, some foreseeable, some completely unexpected.
Whether it happens after 6 weeks, 6 month or 6 years, however way it happens, someone will get hurt in it.

As with everything in life, here also are two sides to the story.
One is to be the one initiating the breakup, the other is to be broken up with.

Being broken up with unexpectedly, without a relatable explanation, I believe is the most difficult one of the possible combinations.
Comes as a shock and leaves you alone to deal with it without a handrail by which you could start to dig yourself out of the hole.

Okay, when the other just disappears into thin air without as much as one single word, that is worse.
That is a class act ‘jerk-ism’.

Breakups are inevitable parts of our lives. Sometimes we will be on this, and sometimes on the other side of the slash. If not in an intimate relationship (some are lucky to find their true partner for the first) then in a friendship, in family relations or in business partnership.
The question is not if we going to experience it but when and how.

To do good by one’s Karma, to be a decent human being, you might want to consider the followings.
Although all breakups are unique as are the relationships, there are some ‘rules’ that can be applied in most situations.
Of course in case of any toxic crap going on, there isn’t much to consider, just get out of and far from it ASAP.
In any other case, first think, weigh the heaviness of the issue, communicate, look for ways to mend what is mendable.
There is no such thing as instant perfect. Perfect needs work. It needs time, willingness, open and honest communication, care and love.

When all above proves to be futile then it is time to breakup.
Face to face in person, not in public, keep it civilised, save the scene/crazy drama, say/listen what is to be said, hold it together and then walk away.

Once it is done, talk with someone you trust (friend, family), allow all emotions to go through you, don’t block any of it. When the shock/pain subsides realize it happened for a reason, it showed your incompatibility and so you both are better off on your separate ways.
Now it is time to take care of yourself. The longer you were in that relationship the more likely you need to figure yourself out again, to ‘upgrade’ your identity, to get back to your authentic self.
Enjoy the you-time. Do not hurry yourself.
Don’t force yourself out to the dating scene before digesting the learning of that relationship and breakup, before healing completely.

You only can receive and give well when you are stable, in balance and open.
Connection and love are beautiful. You deserve the best of it.
Never give up!
Just know: the best is yet to come.

About ‘it’

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Although countless invisible it is around us, one took over the world by having the largest press cover, major PR and full-blown marketing.

What it brings in its tow it is even more disturbing.
Because what this thing really is or is about, is with a high chance we will never fully find out but for sure, a point in time will come when it will be gone.
What it has brought, more than its it-ness will stay with us unfortunately way longer.

With its widespread and crafted publicity it managed to drive a huge wedge between people.
They started labelling one another like ‘believers’ and ‘deniers’.

Open any social media, start any conversation, be anywhere, connect to anyone and in about 2 minutes it will be the subject and arguments will start.
Often fierce ones and many times in a petty manner.
It will be about if it is real or not, if it is deadly or not, whether to wear a mask or not, if quarantine is a good solution or not …
… while people don’t seem to realize that they got forced out of their own lives, got pulled into a nasty ‘soap opera’ where they pretend that the world can be stopped.
It can’t. It won’t. Earth is spinning and life goes on. Regardless.

It got so loud that it shouts louder than many facts, like
– domestic violence cases are growing in numbers fast
– health care systems are falling apart and people are dying of fully unrelated illnesses
– millions lost their jobs, businesses
– education got messed up and at many cases stopped
– mental health issues are at an alarming high … and the list goes on.

In the meantime due to the sweeping it campaign people got blindsided and are not realizing that their choices, dignity, freedom, life got taken away from them.

Pointing fingers at, arguing with, accusing another person will not help your scarily well planted fears.
Will not make you feel better, lighter but actually the exact opposite.

What I believe in, is that now we really need to be there for one another.
Compassion, caring and love are the tools we need to use.

Although the surface is nothing but it, below it life keeps giving challenges to each and every one of us.
There are physical and material losses, heartbreaks, pains as well as are amazing, happy moments, new beginnings.
Life did not stop. It is in progress, it is happening, it is not waiting for anyone, for anything.

Before you fall into the next bitter argument about it, think!
It is fact and it is a universal law that the more we talk, think of, entertain any idea, thought or story, the more present it will be in our lives.
So although it is a huge, dark cloud above us all, just make the effort to feel better, to do better, to be better.

Don’t be the virus but be the cure!