The holiday / pain season

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It is December, the so-called jolliest month of the year.
TV channels, the Internet, radio stations are showing, broadcasting endless Christmas movies, music, ads, related tear-jerking stories, and charity events, the shops, restaurants, bars, villages and cities are fully decorated … there is no way one could not realize that the countdown is on.
Christmas is pouring onto everyone from every possible and even sometimes impossible angle.

So, no wonder that a few days ago, I made the mistake of watching some Christmas movies.
Oh boy!

About 20 minutes into it I was sad, then angry, and by the end of it I was fuming.
My curiosity made me watch a few more films to check whether it was only a one-off occurrence.
As a result, I can say that by the look of it, many creative and production people just are, or with time got careless, insensitive, and clueless of present days’ mental health issues.

In the first show I watched, a woman is going home for Christmas after a breakup, planning for a relaxing, do nothing, high in self-care kind of a stay. In the very minute she gets to the front door of her parents’ house the mental abuse, the pressuring, the aggressive you must fit in kind of bullshit starts. Not only from her very own parents but from every member of the neighbourhood too.
In the next one, she gets dumped by her boyfriend by an awfully obnoxious speech from him, then just before Christmas they accidently meet again and he behaves as a master asshole, assuming her not saying much (actually due to her shock) means a yes and so he starts planning their lives together, tries to make a pass at her (and of another girl from town too), repeatedly, all together acting like a horny, arrogant, perfect example of toxic masculinity.
In another one a complete failure of communication and excess amount of assumptions are messing up the main characters’ lives.
Yet in another one a mother/manager is pushing her daughter to do and be as she sees it best, mainly for fame and money, ignoring the grown up daughter’s clearly expressed wishes.

That is how much I could take, and unfortunately, it all made me certain, that this is a tendency, present in many movies.
In movies that have a huge, often bigger than healthy, influence on people.

When one is curling up for some relaxing and is looking forward to some light-hearted, romantic, Christmassy holiday fun, the last thing one needs is anyone pushing their face into all that crap that they may fight all year round.
Being pushed, pressured, not listened to, getting mentally abused, belittled, harassed, constantly questioned about life choices are serious, real-life issues that millions are struggling with on a daily basis.
These are issues, in my opinion, that have no place in any fun, holiday movies.

For you all, who maybe wrestling with any of the mentioned issues, please know, you are good, not broken, you have all the right to be who and how you want to be and that nobody, no family close or far, no partner, no kid, no neighbour, no boss, no colleague, no politician, no ‘society’, simply no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Also know, that asking for and using help is an absolutely brave and in many situations, a lifesaver thing to do. Reach out to someone you feel you can trust. Please!

And as for this holiday, or for any other one ever, you have all the right to keep yourself away from people, gatherings and/or situations that you feel are stressing you out, where you feel, you might need to give yourself up in order to fit in.

Also, let’s not forget those countless number of people who, for various reasons, do not like it or even get sad around this time of the year.
The reasons are irrelevant for others, unless the person is ready to share those but just to give an idea, among them are those who simply don’t care for Christmas, those who associate it with some bad memories, like a breakup, losing a job/house/livelihood, the passing of a loved one, a childhood trauma, or are feeling lonelier than at any other time of the year, whatever.
All those feelings are valid!
Again, no one has the right to invalidate anyone for feeling differently from them.
One of the craziest and actually the most hurtful what you can say to such a person is ‘Come on, but it’s Christmas’. Their answer will be ‘Exactly!’.

So, all I wish for Christmas and for any holidays in general, that go, celebrate as you would want to and let others do as they would want to.
Go crazy with decorations, do all the related activities, celebrate at large, at home, away from home, alone or with others, or don’t celebrate at all, or anything in between, are all right.
Your way is not better or worse, only different.

Be kind, be understanding, allow people to be, spread love.
And if you for whatever reason are not able to do these, then just shut the fuck up and leave people be.

Toxic influences

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November 19th is International Men’s Day.
Did you celebrate it? Did you buy gifts to the important men in your life?
Did you let them know that you are proud of them, that you love them, that you think of them?

No?
You were not even aware that this day exists?
Or you were but you thought it is nothing special nor important?

Whichever is the case, it clearly shows double standards.

Why?

For one, because it is ‘observed by’ 58 Countries, opposed to International Women’s Day that is ‘observed by’ worldwide.
And second, because if you are not greeted, celebrated on International Women’s Day, at least with some flowers, then you get upset, feel down, moan about it or what not.

Bear with me, no, it is not a post to bash women, nor men.
Quite the opposite.

It is about a tendency that is present in our lives, that is going strong on all social media platforms, and it is clearly toxic.

What am I talking about?

What I am talking about is women working on becoming equal in their rights to men with all the wrong tools and attitude.
Not like feminism at its best:
‘Feminism, that is the belief and advocacy of the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes. Feminism incorporates the position that society prioritizes the male point of view and that women are treated unjustly in these societies. Efforts to change this include fighting against gender stereotypes and establishing educational, professional, and interpersonal opportunities and outcomes for women that are equal to those for men.’

And it is something that I stand behind 100%.
Women and men (and any other human gender in between) are equal.
Without one or the other gender the world would cease to exist as we know it.

What I can’t stand behind at all is the above-mentioned tendency.
That is when women are trying to lift up other women by talking down, belittling men, when they preach how women are better than men, when they preach that a man showing his feelings is weak, that a man who cries is a pussy.
Basically, doing exactly the same than the man who are labelled (rightfully) toxic.

While at the same time other women are upset, that they can’t connect to men as they are closed off, have (show) no emotions.
While worldwide statistics show that the number of men committing suicide is about the double of the number of women.

Yes, I am absolutely aware that throughout history at most part of the world at most of the time men had all the power and women were oppressed.
Yes, I am totally aware that it is still so at some part of the world today too.
Yes, I agree it must change.
Yes, I support those changes.

BUT

No, I can’t support looking down on men of today for the mistakes and sins done by their predecessors.
No, I don’t find it helpful that because of those men still working on keeping an upper hand over women one would generalize and talk shit on all men.
No, I don’t agree that if now women got to become the leading gender that would do only good.
No, I am absolutely against raising any gender above the other.

Yes, ladies, do learn to be secure in who you are, to not let anyone tell you how to look, how to dress, what to learn, what type of job to do.
Yes, ladies, please know, you do have all the rights over your body, dare to stand up for yourselves against anyone saying otherwise.
Yes, you can choose how you want to lead your life, what do you want, and what do you don’t want in it.

BUT

No, your security in yourself can’t stem from kicking men in general.
No, your fighting for your rights can’t bring a positive outcome when in return you suggest taking some rights away from men.
No, you realising and cherishing your rights to choose for yourself the life you want, can’t mean that you do the exact same towards men as men were doing throughout history towards women.

You see, the reality is that there are just as many toxic women around as toxic men.
Those women, who always find fault not only in men but in another women too, those who are always ready to criticize others for how they raise their kids, for how and what they cook or bake, for what they find important in life and what they don’t, for why they work, for they don’t work, for why they lost the baby weight pretty fast after birth, for why they didn’t lose it after x amount of time, for why they invest in their own self-development, for why they don’t, for why they start their own business, for why they don’t, for why they don’t have kids, for why they have 5, for how they dare to wear that outfit, for why they are not more brave, for why they wear make-up, for why they don’t, for why they have tattoos, for why they don’t, … their finding something to criticize in women and in men is endless.

Let’s face it, toxic masculinity is out there and by now we have toxic femininity too, which is just as harmful.
It instead of helping towards solutions, only makes more problems, more pain.

There is one thing you must understand, when a woman, a man, an alien, whomever criticizes you without even knowing you, knowing your whole story, it means nothing!
Those creatures only reflect their frustrations onto you.

So please, when you have, do, choose, decide whatever for yourself, don’t do it by criticizing, putting someone (men) else down.
No need for that.
No benefit in that.

Once we all realise that there is only one difference between people, and that is not their gender, religion, skin colour, or anything else but it is whether they are good or bad people, then we can build a world to be a happy place for all of us.

Equality, partnership, human rights are for all to understand and have.
That is, what can lead to a happy, loving, balanced life to everyone.

Talking about sex

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While I knew I wanted to write something about sex in this post, I didn’t know exactly what and while I was thinking about it suddenly Facebook provided the ‘solution’.

The admin of a group wrote: ‘I think we should talk about when, with whom and why women have sex. This will be today’s topic, if I have time to write it, it will be great, we will have debates about it, I am sure.’

These two sentences were enough to start a tsunami of comments.
Everyone had something to say, some jokingly, some seriously.

By the time the post popped in front of me, it had over 60 comments (by now it is over 250).
Started reading them and saw that many people suggested that the particular post waiting to be written should go to a closed group rather than the public one.

I had to react to this. So I wrote:
‘How strange… (almost) everyone does it, but already after the proposal, without the writing itself, several people would steer the topic into closed/protected environments. Why can’t we talk about sex openly? The question is poetic, I know more about it than I care to admit.’

Naturally, there were answers.

One was that it is not that the topic is secretive, but since there may be acquaintances in this group, what one writes may get back to the family, respectively that the neighbour has nothing to do with what happens in her bedroom.

Also, the husband isn’t on Facebook, so she doesn’t have to be afraid of him even if she was posting something intimate.
But according to her, there are things that might be taboo at home.
There is also the case that the woman desires something different from the man or vice versa (she has acquaintances like that).
However, this can still mean a good, sex life because let’s say one of them doesn’t want to take sex to the next level.
And that a relationship can be good even without sex (she also has such friends).
Someone can still love another person and live peacefully and happily, even though they cannot find common ground in sex.
There may be such an age difference that makes the libido of one of them no longer satisfy the other, but they are still happy, and they don’t want to talk about this.
And much more.
And if both parties read this page, but one does not want to talk about it but the other does, then the publicity would not be fair either.

And that speaking/writing openly is not the same as being seen by many of your acquaintances.

All of this was written by everyone before the writing itself had even been created, so none of us had any idea what the admin was thinking about the mentioned topic.

Of course, I didn’t, I couldn’t leave the comments addressed to me unanswered.
Because the overall picture is brutal.

Adults who do have sex, but don’t take on their opinion about it (so that acquaintances don’t see it), is despairing in my opinion.
I agree that neither the neighbour, nor anyone else has anything to do with who, what, with whom and how does it in sex (as long as it is about adult, consenting partners), but from an open, honest conversation and exchange of opinions, anyone could learn, develop, widen their viewing angle, whoever it may be.

For me, the fact that someone is afraid that their opinion, thoughts about sex might get back to their partner or spouse, calls into question the depth and authenticity of that entire relationship.

All other listed phenomena – except when it comes to a relationship between two asexual people – are usually self-deception.
These are the things people keep telling themselves for shorter/longer periods of time because of their convenience, cowardice, self-esteem issues, etc., these are the tepid water situations in which they get stuck in.

Until they feel so badly screwed up that they start to seek some kind of help, and realize that it can be better, that they have the right to have it better, that they too deserve better.
Together or apart, but it can be and they can have it.

Don’t wait for this point, as soon as the dialogues get missed, don’t work, as soon as you get to the point where you know that something is not good for you in that relationship and you can’t solve it by yourselves, seek help right away, either a coach or a therapist, but don’t lie to yourself, don’t suffer unnecessarily.

Life is too short not to give yourself the opportunity to have better, to be happier!

Traditions, traditional ways

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Lately I came across quite a few festivities that I had no clue what they were about and when I asked what they were, why they were the way as they were, I got the answer, it is tradition.

The meaning of the word tradition by the Cambridge dictionary is: ‘a belief, principle, or way of acting that people in a particular society or group have continued to follow for a long time, or all of these beliefs, etc. in a particular society or group’.

To keep a tradition, I believe is great, as long as we know where it originates from, what is the meaning of it, why it is structured as it is and whether it has a positive impact on people.
When we don’t, then it is time to revisit it, if we really want to keep it and if so, in what form.

Also, I believe, there are traditions that are simply outdated.
Like, I just experienced a festivity that includes the use of fire.
Asked a few locals, why the fire, they had no idea, just that it is tradition.
Now, I believe that some hundreds of years ago when this celebration started, people were marching with torches, or they might have had a bonfire or something.
Maybe for no other reason than just to have some light in the night.

Nowadays they are playing music while marching and dancing through the narrow streets of the town, what is joined and watched by kids and adults alike.
And they are using some crazy pyrotechnic devices that are like giant, spinning sparklers.

The store owners a bit earlier today had covered the windows with protective layers, the apartment owners are closing the windows and doors to make sure that there will not be any fire damage.
Among the people are marching firefighters with fire extinguishers in hand and paramedics with their first aid bags in case something goes wrong.
Many people’s clothes get small burnt holes from the flying flames, and I heard that every year there are several people ending up in hospital because of serious injuries due to the fire plays.

Is it something special to watch? Yes.
Is it safe? Not at all.
Is it clean? The absolute opposite.
But the show must go on, as it is tradition.

And you know what?
I feel very similar about a lot of things in today’s world.
Like they are outdated but society keeps them around because it is the traditional way, because it has been so for ages.

Like gender roles.
Like only a man and a woman are a couple.
Like a woman’s job is to give birth.
Like the man is the head of the household.
Like go to school, get a job, do as you are told, don’t ask questions, play nice, retire.
Like have a family, fit in, be a good neighbour.
And so on.

Luckily, there are more and more people in more and more areas who are breaking the pattern, are opening their mouths and speaking up, are bravely leading the changes.
And this is the key!
The world changes!

We know more, we know else, than people of the Roman Empire or of the Middle Ages or even of the last century.
We have different resources, different life span, different health care options, different living conditions.

Also by now many understands that although we are all human beings, we are all different, though we have many similarities.

For fact, every single person is performing best in every aspect of their life, when they operate from their authentic self.
When one can be who one wants to be. Gender does not defines talent, amount of knowledge, creativity, or value.
When one can love whom they want to, can enjoy sex with whom they want to. One’s choice that might be different than the next person’s, is none of anybody else’s business but the one’s.
When one can have or not have a family by their own preference. Nobody is to have any say in this, only the person, couple in question.

So regardless if it is a celebration or a societal expectation, traditions can be an important part of life as long as they serve the people, as long as they are safe, human and are still carrying value.
When it is not the case, then traditions, traditional thinking needs to be looked at and decided whether partially need to be rethought, or maybe even fully just let go of.

From the past we must learn but must not drag it along for the disadvantage of the present.

Annoyed and ranting

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Sexuality is part of every human being.
Sex is an activity exercised by most human beings.

It is obvious that there are many problems around these subjects worldwide, rooting in not understanding, not knowing, in lack of support, in lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence.
Of course, in these cases, as with anything, education is the answer.
It is highly likely it would be a tremendous improvement towards solving all such issues for future generations if teenagers could learn openly about them.
Unfortunately, there is still no (or only in a few countries) education on them integrated into school curriculums.
For adults it is also not easy to find ways to get themselves educated if they feel the need to.

At the same time, there are many of us, coaches, trainers, psychologists, therapists around the world who see these problems and are/would be willing to take on the task of talking / teaching / helping.
And of course, we are doing exactly that within our offered services.

For that, we want to show ourselves, advertise, make it easy for people to find us.
We want to be easily visible so we could help all those in need, those who are ready and willing to improve, to learn, to solve certain issues.
And this where we all get screwed big time!

On the internet, let it be in or out of social media platforms there is a ‘witch hunt’ going on.
The word ‘sex’ cannot be written as is. Must come up with creative lettering ( s e x, s@x, …) if we want to talk about it.
Photos to illustrate what we are saying must not show much skin, nor be sexually explicit as they say it.
When we write ‘sexual education’, we get punished by being restricted in visibility.
In any situation we want to explain something we are forced to use ‘flower language’ that makes things more complicated, less effective.
You get the picture.

All because the word ‘sex’ got demonised by collecting all activities from masturbation to consenting adults making love to rape and exploitation of kids under the same word.

Yes, I know, Web and dark web.
Yes, I know, AI.
Yes, I know, there are many explanations and excuses.

Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I am sick and tired that us, who want to help, who want to make it easier for people to find understanding, non-judgemental pair of ears, to provide possible life saving resources are forced back to our own little corners, and so us being found is by sheer luck.

I am mad that because those who created the systems had no knowledge on the subject, no willingness to categorise, nor understanding of the consequences of their doing, of that the damage is continuous.
They form and play the system in their own favour and show up as the keeper of values, as the saviours of the world.
They say we have to be kept in line, they say they are saving kids from our bad influence, improper content … at the same time they are letting real shit be present and be on the internet.

When I say sex is good, love is love and I can help you to feel good about yourself, then I need to be closely monitored, even denied access to certain services, restricted in visibility, etc.

So yeah, I am fed up and sick of this hypocrisy and all those hypocrites who blow the same whistle.

And I don’t care if some in power try to turn things back as they were in the 1950’s, if the internet is keep coming up with further restrictions, I won’t shut up!
I will still preach, maybe even louder, to all who listens that sex is amazing, that sex is to happen between consenting adults, that it is nobody else’s business of how and with whom you live your sex life with as long as is between legal aged, consenting partners, that there is no constitutionally wrong way or right way of having sex, that sex is healthy, that sex is fun.
That your life is yours to have, yours to live.
That your relationship has to satisfy you and your partner(s) and nobody else.
That your body is yours and you do with it as you want to.

Take charge of your life, don’t give up, don’t give in!

Live, laugh, love

Mind games – the best kind

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Warning: NOT for the faint of heart!

Sex is not a purely physical activity. I mean great sex is not.

It all starts in the mind.
What do I mean?

Well, in a loving, healthy, balanced relationship the partners want to get to know one another, they want to do things that the other likes, that pleases the other. Obviously not only in sex.
In sex too.

Also, people change, their likes and dislikes change, their moods change, their wants and needs change.
All that is natural, all that is normal.
As one learns more of life, gains more experiences, and so on, all that makes changes inevitable.

It is not always that one declares that now this or that has changed, that their interest has shifted but when one pays attention to the other then can pick up signs from the partner and can ask, can act on those signs.

So, coming back to today’s subject, sex:
when watching a movie and something sparks an interest, when overhearing a conversation and there is something that tickles your curiosity, when any verbal or visual stimuli makes you curious and, in your mind, you start playing out scenarios how that particular thing could be brought into your sex life, the mind game starts already.

And when you are ready to share that with your partner, let’s say in the evening, after dinner while sipping on a glass of drink, you start telling the whole story, how, where this is coming from, what is that excites you in it, that you’d be willing to bring that into your sex life, at least for a try, … now you are playing a mind game with your partner.
You are not doing anything, ‘just’ are having some sexy chat … and when your partner likes the idea, their mind starts to wander too.
Keep it fun and exciting so even if you both are willing to give it a try, don’t do it on that night, let both of your minds, imaginations have some ‘play times’.
When you eventually get there that you do try that for real, you both will be excited, curious, and invested.

Also, like when you are just after sex, you always can whisper in the ear of your partner, what will you do next time when you have sex.
That will linger in their mind, will be thinking about it, will make them smile, will hold an erotic tension in the air.

When you send a sexy text message, when you casually drop a remark while you are on your way out of the house, when you put on a clothing item you know your partner loves on (off) you … these all are mind games.

All the above are, of course, only to be tried, used, when you are wanting to keep a healthy, sexy vibration going on between you.

Sure, it is not for everybody.
And that is okay too.

But when you are open, ready, and willing to put in some effort for to have an even more exciting, more sexy relationship … the benefits are sweet and juicy.

Everything is energy

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Everything is energy.
It is science, it is fact.

It was expressed by Nikola Tesla as well as Albert Einstein and when it comes to science, they are kinda reliable sources 😉

On many different level spirituality is speaking about energy too.
Like right now a very intense happening is on; from the 26th of July till the 12th of August there is a strong energy movement, and its peak is today, the 8th of August, the pinnacle of the opening of the Lion’s Gate portal.
(When interested in details, he explains it well, I think https://www.facebook.com/ArcturianCodes )

Everything is energy, so it means so is nature, us, and every connection we have are also energetically charged, have a vibration.

Surely you heard of people (if you are not one of them) who are affected by the moon’s cycles, like their sleep is messed up at every full moon, or those who claim all their worries and wrinkles smooth out as soon as they are by the sea, or those who love walking in the rain as that always makes them feel better.

When it comes to people, again, you surely heard of, or might personally came across some after meeting with whom you always feel drained, or the exact opposite, happy and recharged, or when with them, you feel some unexplainable nervousness and so on.

We are influenced by energy coming from nature, animals, from other people and we are influencing others with our energies too, of course

Whenever you are experiencing any issues, arguments, negativity towards you, one thing you can do is to check your own energy.
What are you radiating?
Can that be a reflection of yours, coming back to you?
Maybe you need to shift a bit towards a calmer, more positive state.

No, I am not suggesting ‘hurray-optimism’, no I am not suggesting denying any real, own feelings and energies.

What I am suggesting is to check in with yourself if what you are radiating in that moment is really yours or you might have picked it up from somebody/something else and you are rolling with that.

Like when you are cranky, negative, angry, is it really because you are feeling so, or is that ‘stuck’ on you from a previous interaction and now you are coming from that energy and so are messing some more up around you.

You see, it is like a rolling ball.

When can go out into the world with a light, happy, calm energy, likely that people you come in contact with will be feeding from your positive energy, you will be meeting others on a similar energy level as you are on, or even on a higher one.

When, on the other hand, you realize that whatever good mood you are in, certain people always bring you down … well, the simple cure for that is to avoid contact with such people.

Yes, if you are in a close, meaningful relation to such a person, you always can invite them to talk, ask what is going on in their head, in their soul. They might will be gladly jumping on the opportunity and share with you what is their story, but it is also possible they are not even aware of them being such a dark cloud.

When in a relationship, it pays off being aware of self too.

It does make life more easy, it makes it more authentic and more smooth of a ride.

When you connect, communicate, love, have sex while you are radiating your own energies, your own feelings, your real self, it all gets on a higher level of amazing.

By all means on every level it worth the work having your energies cleaned, of being aware, of knowing of and protecting your high vibrating, light energy.

Be kind, keep on loving, vibe high!

Waking up or falling down

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When the US supreme court rules against women having full control over their own body,
when a war is going on in Europe,
when the Taliban took over Afghanistan again,
when in Hungary the government is planning to bring back administrative structures that root in the Middle Ages,
when while the whole world is just trying to recover from 2 years of major pain it already is getting threatened with other similar crap,
when politics and religions are used purposefully to  divide people, to turn them against each other,
when the media workers forgot their profession and are serving nearly exclusively the highest paying ‘client’,
when for the sake of more money and power corporations are killing the Earth,
when sick people (kids and grown up alike) and people down on their luck need to ask the public for financial aid to survive because governments are not doing their job well,
when cultural events are in need of public funding because otherwise would not be possible for them to happen,
when …

As I see it, from the elected superiors mostly comes crap.
They are fast and furious in taking people’s hard-earned money as different taxes, are coming up and imposing rules and laws onto people where they only ‘forget’ to consult the experts of the given area and more and more often, more and more of them act like they have lost all contact with reality.

Basically, it very much seems to me that the world is only working yet because the people are doing and contributing way more than it could be called ‘normal’.
On many occasions I even wonder what is a government doing, what is the benefit for the people of having, paying one to be.

So, I am convinced in case anyone wants to change anything for the better, the only way is by the individual.
Meaning that if anyone wants to live in a better, more kind, more liveable world then one must start with self!
Tough job it may sound but in reality, it does not need to be.
Any small kind act you do, starts a positive ripple effect that may get larger than you would ever imagine possible.
A smile, a kind word, truly listening ears, a compliment, a helping hand, a thoughtful small gift, all have the power to change one’s day for the better.
And then that person may will continue spread the kindness as s/he will be in a better mood and might want to share it further and so on and so on.
Hopefully one day in the not too distant future we will get there that the kind, thoughtful, caring people will be the majority and will take over the world.
When humanity will realise and understand that the masses of the so called little people together are having a way bigger power then the few on the top of the pyramid, and finally understand that when us down here start to move together, those not so liked ones on the top will fall off!

Any other option, like not getting nicer, not taking personal responsibility, not realising and starting to use the power of unity for the betterment of life, not getting the over spilling ego and greed under control will lead to an ugly, nasty, unliveable world or in worst case to the end of the world as we know it.
Look at history, every (Mayan, Greek, Roman, Aztec, Inca, …) civilization, regardless how great they were, fell in the end!
Wouldn’t it be high time to learn something from the past?!?
It is all there. The greatness, the falls, the reasons, the consequences.

So, in short, wake the fuck up, people!

We can have, do and be better.
Be kind, spread love and enjoy the ride!

The power of choice

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One always has the choice between saying the truth or lie.
Whatever you decide to say in any given situation, has consequences.
Sometimes those will affect only you, sometimes a few and sometimes many people.
The responsibility though is fully yours.

When you are losing people while being honest, voicing your truth then those were not your people to begin with.
When you are gaining a circle while lying, then you are building on swampy ground and for sure will come the time when it all falls down and buries you under the ruins.
Not a pretty face, not a hefty bank account, no parents, no lawyers, no friends, nothing and no one will save you from it.
The truth always finds a way to surface.

Yes, all this came to mind as I saw some bits and pieces of a recent court case.

And then along these lines …
It might be an unpopular opinion (don’t care), but I am sick and tired seeing, hearing stories, situations, working with people who suffered of, are suffering such ‘societal’ bonkers.

Meaning: certain traits got associated with and claimed to be done by men or done by women.
In the fight for equality among the sexes, to stop sexual abuse, somehow from one side of the horse we are falling over to the other side.
Seemingly people have serious difficulties sitting on the back of it, finding balance.

Yes, there are men who believe women are less of a species than them.
Yes, they behave as complete assholes, talk down on women, are mansplaining life to women, have the belief that sex with a woman is their, and only their decision of when and how, who think that women need their permission for everything and so on.

In this out of balance society though it is not recognized? or not believed? that there are women who are exactly on the same way towards men, who are real nasty bitches, only thinking of men as cash machines, who play men, who use men to advance their own lives, who use sex as a mean of getting what they want, who can lose their shit completely when a man is not fully following their demands.

The reality is that regardless of gender, a person is either decent or not.
Either a good human being or not.
Being hysterical, entitled, power hungry, pathological liar, abuser, a nuisance, letting out bad vibes, being simply repulsive can be just as much a man as a woman.
It is not the gender, it is the personality.

Sure, you can disagree with me, deny all the above, you can come with ‘yeah, but more men are like this, and more women are like that’ or whatever not.
None of it is changing what I am experiencing, seeing, and working with.
This is my truth.

The life of us all, and so the world, would be a much better place if we were accepting each other as equals regardless of gender, skin colour, religion, sexual preferences, financial state or whatever, and would clean up our intentions towards one another.

Wherever on this journey of life you are at, as long as you have a pulse, it is never too late to recognise you can get better at whatever and go for it.

At the end of this experience, called life we ALL end up as dust.
Nobody will be spared from the end, no power, no belief, no money will matter in that.
The only difference is, that in some cases we just sigh and say ‘finally’ and in other cases we say ‘what a loss’.

So!
Yes or no.
Lie or not.
Asshole or not.
Decent or not.
Accept or not.
Love or not.
…
All is a choice.

Throughout life it is always a choice.
Everything is a choice.
It is your life and that means your choice.
Grab and live with this power.
Own it!

Wanting your ex back

/in , , /by

‘How do I get my ex back?’ – a friend asked me, and that question led to a long conversation and to some beautiful healings for them.

That experience made me think more about this phenomenon.
Here is what I am wondering: what makes you want your ex back?
I mean you just broke up a few weeks, a few months ago.
What changed?
What makes you think this time it would be different?
What makes it worthwhile for you and for your ex to give it another go?

Surely there were reasons for breaking up.
You weighed the pros and cons and then made a decision.
You parted, and you both on your own way started to process what happened and depending, maybe even started to heal too.
And now you want to get back together!?

Were you the sole reason of the breakup?
Were you the one who was broken-up with?
Have you understood and agree to all the shortcomings your ex listed as reasons for the break-up?
In this short time did you realize it was all spot on about you and so you dived in and sorted out, changed, healed it all?
Also, while at it, it became clear to you that s/he is exactly whom and how you wish your partner to be?
In this short time did you manage to do all that?

If it is so, then what was holding you back from doing any of it while in the relationship?

When it was you breaking up with your partner, then what changed in you that you want to start again?
What makes you believe that your partner was willing to do the work, and has done all of it to sort themselves out and would want to be back together again?

When the breakup happened upon mutual agreement then the questions are the combination of the above.

At any time, the idea of a re-start occurs to you, before doing anything else, think about your motives.
What makes you wanting that relationship back?
Is it comfort?
Routine?
You feeling lonely at the moment?
Not wanting to start from zero with someone else?
Resignation?
Lack of self-confidence, that you won’t find better, so might as well settle?
Dreading the idea that they might be much better off with someone else?
Jealousy?
Some sick revenge?
Realized you screwed up and made a hasty decision and now you want to correct that?

What is it really, that makes you consider going ‘backwards’?

Be honest with yourself!
Might be painful, might be uncomfortable but by all means, with that you are doing the best to yourself.
Life is a forward motion, moving backwards serves you rarely.

P.S.
Always keep in mind that you wanting your ex back does not mean your ex wants you back too.
And you must accept and respect that!