Sex and facts

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Sex is good. Sex is beneficial to the body and the mind. Sex is fun. Sex is joy. Sex is connection.
Human beings by design are sexual beings.
For a person of any gender to have sex with one or more legally aged, consenting adult/s of any gender is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with anyone else, it is no business of anyone else.
And if one decides to live without sex that is okay too.

Some good things about sex that often are overlooked are what I want to tell you about here.

So, let’s get the negative out of the way first.
Sex is not evil. Sex is not ugly. Sex is not harmful.
People are.

When a person decides to have/force sex with anyone who does not consent to it and/or is under legal age, that is not sex ‘what’ is doing it.
It is a bad/irresponsible/sick person who made a decision to carry out an act against someone else.
Take that person to justice, punish that person, get that person out of society. In some cases when it is an actual mental disorder, have that person treated by professional therapists, doctors – if possible.

So now that the basics are out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff.

Some science backed benefits of having sex:
– reduces stress and anxiety – in the body it decreases the level of cortisol (stress hormone) and produces dopamine (substance fighting stress hormone) and endorphin (happiness hormone)
– boosts mood and self-confidence as it releases endorphins
– increases libido as it increases the oxytocin (love hormone) level
– improves memory
– burns calories
– boosts the immune system
– improves sleep
– lowers blood pressure and helps prevent heart disease
– relieves pain
– strengthens pelvic floor muscles in women
– regulates menstrual cycle (sex regulates hormones so it helps in regulating the cycle)
– reduces the risk of prostate cancer in men (without ejaculation the fluid stays in, causing various problems)
– can help pass kidney stones
– increases life expectancy – healthy heart, stronger muscles, better blood circulation, plus a state of happiness

Sex not only has plenty of health benefits of course, but in a relationship, sex is an amazing tool to get to know one another more, to give joy and pleasure to your partner, to be playful, to experiment, to try new/different things, to strengthen the bond, to have more intimacy.

Of course, as one’s sexual likes, dislikes and needs change through the years in order to have an ongoingly mutually satisfying sex life, you must have an ongoing communication about it.
Don’t overcomplicate it, just say what you want.
Hardly ever happens that your partner is a mind reader so you saying s/he should know by now is one of the stupidest things you can do.

Also!
Don’t take sex too seriously!
Do whatever you both/all agree on, you need no outsider’s approval to your sex life.
Try, laugh, do, enjoy!
More, and again, and again, and some more.

Is cheating inevitable?

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Lately all the tabloids and social media platforms are full of the stories around the new songs of Shakira, BZRP Music Sessions #53 ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CocEMWdc7Ck ) and Miley Cyrus, Flowers ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75Y  ).
Both singers were pouring their thoughts, pain, anger about being cheated on into their respective songs.
These instances only show being cheated on can happen to anyone, and that anyone can become a cheater at any level of the ‘social ladder’. No position, no money, no fame, no nothing makes anyone protected against it.

Cheating is so common that even a site/app was made to help all those who are looking for some discreet spice outside of their existing relationship. https://www.ashleymadison.com/ is up and running since 2001 and claims to have 75 million members worldwide.
Their ‘moto’ is: ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’

No judgement. All people can do as they please.
Just of course know, and be ready for that your actions have possible/inevitable consequences.
No whining when shit hits the fan, please.

The psychology of cheating is way more complex than as if it was just about sex.
Reasons behind cheating can be:
– anger: one wants to ‘payback’ for the other’s cheating, or as a revenge after a serious argument
– self-esteem issues: through cheating one wants to feel better about themselves, or want to feel more independence, autonomy through it
– lack of feeling love: from both angles, like one doesn’t feel loved or one is not sure about loving their partner and wants to ’check’ it
– frustration: there are unsolved issues in the relationship, but one wants to avoid conflict and searches for relief outside
– needing some variety: basically, that person is just not cut out for a monogamous relationship
– neglect: emotionally and/or sexually feeling abandoned
– at times it is so called situational: when one is drunk or overwhelmed by outside stressors and so are not thinking straight and are just taken by the flow of things
–  sex: because of sexual differences, like one need way more than the partner is willing to give, or one denies certain acts that would be important/pleasurable for the other and so on.

Actually, I believe there are situations when an ‘outside’ connection can even help the relationship to thrive.
Like when one of the partners become sexually incapable to perform maybe due to an illness or accident, but the other partner still has such needs. So, they discuss, agree on and the one with needs goes and have discreet liaisons.
… fair enough, that is no cheating anymore as long as it stays within the discussed and agreed on frames.

The bottom line is, as always, that in order to have a great, mutually satisfying long term relationship, ongoing, honest communication is a must!

When you are not discussing all the surfacing issues, when you are not listening to each other, when you fall into too many assumptions instead of asking questions, when you are not showing your commitment towards each other, when you are not open, vulnerable, caring, loving, interested and invested in each other but there are logistic reasons and/or excuses like lifestyle, children, financial situation, family expectations, whatever not, why one or both of you decide to rather just keep quiet and get on with it, then by all means, do not be surprised when cheating occurs.

If nothing made you to take care of your relationship earlier, if nothing pushed you to solve the issues, or make a move, then let me tell you this: after cheating most of the couples break up!
Most means as high as 80% of the couples are not making it.

They are not making it because on top of all the things that had not been dealt with and led to the cheating, now here is the question of if trust can be rebuilt, if the cheated on can forgive and truly let go of it and not keep bringing it up and pointing fingers at any signs of problems from there on.

And in about 80% of the cases, it is not working out.

So maybe you want to give it another thought, whether wouldn’t it be less painful, less messy, less degrading if you now decided to put more effort into your relationship (only of course if you want to keep having it and enjoy it at its best, to the fullest) and have some deep, detailed, heart to heart talk with your partner and start working for each other, than keep going as is and might face the damaging effects of a cheating.

Love, trust, care, intimacy is worth working for.

You know what you want, go for it!

They don’t care …

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Since it’s still January, and the energies only recently are turning completely into the “new momentum” of 2023 (and because there is a lot of negative, shitty, depressing news and happenings coming at us from the world), I feel that a rougher “I’ll help you sort yourself out” type of writing wants to be here.

Buckle your seatbelts!

I am not interested in the so-called big politics, I am not interested in the few “dark knights” who supposedly are ruling the world, I am not interested in the world economy … on the level, that all kinds of, for a good amount of money turned into ass-licker, media serve it to us, “average people”.
I am not interested, because I’ve known for some time that many things have nothing to do with reality, that a large percentage of them are bent along certain interests, and that the truth, the complete truth, is damn hard to find out, if it’s ever possible at all.

In this I got my first lesson when I was still working in film production.
Fact, that was the deciding moment about the tabloid category I knew “well, I won’t believe a word they say in the future”.

It just so happened that an article was published in which an actor was torn to shreds about what he did some nights earlier.
The “only” problem was that that actor filmed with us on that ominous evening described in the article, hundreds of kilometers away from the location indicated in the article.
As it turned out, that piece was also part of a campaign trying to discredit that actor.

This is where this process started for me.

Then it continued when I worked in tourism.
Somehow I learned that there are awards and recognitions that almost anyone can win, it’s all just a matter of money and “bribe” and “venality”.

Then, when I was already active as a coach, I noticed that there are widely known people who call themselves coaches and motivational speakers, who, without batting an eye, use materials, make statements, express thoughts, but just “forget” to mark and mention their origin.

For the “perpetrators” in all 3 mentioned categories it still works today … because of you.
Because of the average person.
After all, the tabloids sell to you; in tourism, these companies show their awards to you, to make themselves more attractive to you; and “coaches” and “motivational speakers” also profit from you with their unoriginal, stolen materials that are used without indicating the source.

How is all this possible?
That you don’t ask, you don’t check, you just “eat” what they put in front of you.

And this is exactly why big politics, the world economy, and the “dark knights” or anyone can feed/sell anything to the masses.

Well, and as unpleasant as it sounds, it starts with you.

How?
In the way that you were taught that superiors cannot be questioned.
That old people should be respected.
That x is something you have to believe in, to be considered as a good person.
That you are a “real” man if you work yourself half dead and provide for your family and don’t show your emotions.
That you are a “real” woman if you give birth, excel in washing, cooking, cleaning and put everyone before yourself.
I won’t continue, I think you feel it.

Against all these:
Why wouldn’t the superiors be asked? When and how did they become infallible?
Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they deserve respect.
A few hundred or a few thousand kilometers away, something else is considered to be the definition of a good person.
“Real” is not an adjective that can be defined socially as a whole, but can only and exclusively be given by the partner, so this adjective has (also) infinite interpretations.

So that you wouldn’t need to fight every day with who is covering you with what, be it the media or any social network, you have to whip yourself, your life into shape.
In order to be able to live what and how you really want, first you need to know yourself, to know who you really are, what you want, what things and values are important to you.
And you also need to know: we are not the same and that is wonderful. So you don’t have to become anything if you don’t feel that as your identity. You do the best for yourself and for the world, when you are your authentic self.

And I shouldn’t even ask, if media workers can lie without batting an eye, if companies can buy themselves certain recognitions, if those who award them can be corrupted, if coaches and motivational speakers can reach the masses with plagiarized material, then why shouldn’t lie the stars off of the sky the politicians, those who manage the world economy, the “dark knights”?

I don’t think this current “order” from the top down will ever change for the better.
However, I do believe that if more and more of us, the “average people” understand,
that everyone has the right to live their own life as they wish (as long as it does not cause any harm to others),
that we cannot take out our frustrations about our own lives on others,
that if we do not erase, rewrite certain parts of our history, but face them and learn from them,
if we try not to do anything to others that we would hate to happen to us,
if we tried to help each other more, support each other better,
if allowing, understanding, care and love would rule the critical mass,
then we can achieve that there are no people in politics and on social networks who shout the opposite of all these for their own personal (usually purely material) interests.

It could be a much better, more liveable, significantly more harmonious, happier place, all it takes, is that we don’t wait for the “big guys”, always for someone else to do something!?!
We should do it!
The “average people”, the you and the me.

PS: In 1991 and 1995 Michael Jackson already sang all this … it would be time to act …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q

Talking about sex

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While I knew I wanted to write something about sex in this post, I didn’t know exactly what and while I was thinking about it suddenly Facebook provided the ‘solution’.

The admin of a group wrote: ‘I think we should talk about when, with whom and why women have sex. This will be today’s topic, if I have time to write it, it will be great, we will have debates about it, I am sure.’

These two sentences were enough to start a tsunami of comments.
Everyone had something to say, some jokingly, some seriously.

By the time the post popped in front of me, it had over 60 comments (by now it is over 250).
Started reading them and saw that many people suggested that the particular post waiting to be written should go to a closed group rather than the public one.

I had to react to this. So I wrote:
‘How strange… (almost) everyone does it, but already after the proposal, without the writing itself, several people would steer the topic into closed/protected environments. Why can’t we talk about sex openly? The question is poetic, I know more about it than I care to admit.’

Naturally, there were answers.

One was that it is not that the topic is secretive, but since there may be acquaintances in this group, what one writes may get back to the family, respectively that the neighbour has nothing to do with what happens in her bedroom.

Also, the husband isn’t on Facebook, so she doesn’t have to be afraid of him even if she was posting something intimate.
But according to her, there are things that might be taboo at home.
There is also the case that the woman desires something different from the man or vice versa (she has acquaintances like that).
However, this can still mean a good, sex life because let’s say one of them doesn’t want to take sex to the next level.
And that a relationship can be good even without sex (she also has such friends).
Someone can still love another person and live peacefully and happily, even though they cannot find common ground in sex.
There may be such an age difference that makes the libido of one of them no longer satisfy the other, but they are still happy, and they don’t want to talk about this.
And much more.
And if both parties read this page, but one does not want to talk about it but the other does, then the publicity would not be fair either.

And that speaking/writing openly is not the same as being seen by many of your acquaintances.

All of this was written by everyone before the writing itself had even been created, so none of us had any idea what the admin was thinking about the mentioned topic.

Of course, I didn’t, I couldn’t leave the comments addressed to me unanswered.
Because the overall picture is brutal.

Adults who do have sex, but don’t take on their opinion about it (so that acquaintances don’t see it), is despairing in my opinion.
I agree that neither the neighbour, nor anyone else has anything to do with who, what, with whom and how does it in sex (as long as it is about adult, consenting partners), but from an open, honest conversation and exchange of opinions, anyone could learn, develop, widen their viewing angle, whoever it may be.

For me, the fact that someone is afraid that their opinion, thoughts about sex might get back to their partner or spouse, calls into question the depth and authenticity of that entire relationship.

All other listed phenomena – except when it comes to a relationship between two asexual people – are usually self-deception.
These are the things people keep telling themselves for shorter/longer periods of time because of their convenience, cowardice, self-esteem issues, etc., these are the tepid water situations in which they get stuck in.

Until they feel so badly screwed up that they start to seek some kind of help, and realize that it can be better, that they have the right to have it better, that they too deserve better.
Together or apart, but it can be and they can have it.

Don’t wait for this point, as soon as the dialogues get missed, don’t work, as soon as you get to the point where you know that something is not good for you in that relationship and you can’t solve it by yourselves, seek help right away, either a coach or a therapist, but don’t lie to yourself, don’t suffer unnecessarily.

Life is too short not to give yourself the opportunity to have better, to be happier!

Annoyed and ranting

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Sexuality is part of every human being.
Sex is an activity exercised by most human beings.

It is obvious that there are many problems around these subjects worldwide, rooting in not understanding, not knowing, in lack of support, in lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence.
Of course, in these cases, as with anything, education is the answer.
It is highly likely it would be a tremendous improvement towards solving all such issues for future generations if teenagers could learn openly about them.
Unfortunately, there is still no (or only in a few countries) education on them integrated into school curriculums.
For adults it is also not easy to find ways to get themselves educated if they feel the need to.

At the same time, there are many of us, coaches, trainers, psychologists, therapists around the world who see these problems and are/would be willing to take on the task of talking / teaching / helping.
And of course, we are doing exactly that within our offered services.

For that, we want to show ourselves, advertise, make it easy for people to find us.
We want to be easily visible so we could help all those in need, those who are ready and willing to improve, to learn, to solve certain issues.
And this where we all get screwed big time!

On the internet, let it be in or out of social media platforms there is a ‘witch hunt’ going on.
The word ‘sex’ cannot be written as is. Must come up with creative lettering ( s e x, s@x, …) if we want to talk about it.
Photos to illustrate what we are saying must not show much skin, nor be sexually explicit as they say it.
When we write ‘sexual education’, we get punished by being restricted in visibility.
In any situation we want to explain something we are forced to use ‘flower language’ that makes things more complicated, less effective.
You get the picture.

All because the word ‘sex’ got demonised by collecting all activities from masturbation to consenting adults making love to rape and exploitation of kids under the same word.

Yes, I know, Web and dark web.
Yes, I know, AI.
Yes, I know, there are many explanations and excuses.

Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I am sick and tired that us, who want to help, who want to make it easier for people to find understanding, non-judgemental pair of ears, to provide possible life saving resources are forced back to our own little corners, and so us being found is by sheer luck.

I am mad that because those who created the systems had no knowledge on the subject, no willingness to categorise, nor understanding of the consequences of their doing, of that the damage is continuous.
They form and play the system in their own favour and show up as the keeper of values, as the saviours of the world.
They say we have to be kept in line, they say they are saving kids from our bad influence, improper content … at the same time they are letting real shit be present and be on the internet.

When I say sex is good, love is love and I can help you to feel good about yourself, then I need to be closely monitored, even denied access to certain services, restricted in visibility, etc.

So yeah, I am fed up and sick of this hypocrisy and all those hypocrites who blow the same whistle.

And I don’t care if some in power try to turn things back as they were in the 1950’s, if the internet is keep coming up with further restrictions, I won’t shut up!
I will still preach, maybe even louder, to all who listens that sex is amazing, that sex is to happen between consenting adults, that it is nobody else’s business of how and with whom you live your sex life with as long as is between legal aged, consenting partners, that there is no constitutionally wrong way or right way of having sex, that sex is healthy, that sex is fun.
That your life is yours to have, yours to live.
That your relationship has to satisfy you and your partner(s) and nobody else.
That your body is yours and you do with it as you want to.

Take charge of your life, don’t give up, don’t give in!

Live, laugh, love

Mind games – the best kind

/in , , , /by

Warning: NOT for the faint of heart!

Sex is not a purely physical activity. I mean great sex is not.

It all starts in the mind.
What do I mean?

Well, in a loving, healthy, balanced relationship the partners want to get to know one another, they want to do things that the other likes, that pleases the other. Obviously not only in sex.
In sex too.

Also, people change, their likes and dislikes change, their moods change, their wants and needs change.
All that is natural, all that is normal.
As one learns more of life, gains more experiences, and so on, all that makes changes inevitable.

It is not always that one declares that now this or that has changed, that their interest has shifted but when one pays attention to the other then can pick up signs from the partner and can ask, can act on those signs.

So, coming back to today’s subject, sex:
when watching a movie and something sparks an interest, when overhearing a conversation and there is something that tickles your curiosity, when any verbal or visual stimuli makes you curious and, in your mind, you start playing out scenarios how that particular thing could be brought into your sex life, the mind game starts already.

And when you are ready to share that with your partner, let’s say in the evening, after dinner while sipping on a glass of drink, you start telling the whole story, how, where this is coming from, what is that excites you in it, that you’d be willing to bring that into your sex life, at least for a try, … now you are playing a mind game with your partner.
You are not doing anything, ‘just’ are having some sexy chat … and when your partner likes the idea, their mind starts to wander too.
Keep it fun and exciting so even if you both are willing to give it a try, don’t do it on that night, let both of your minds, imaginations have some ‘play times’.
When you eventually get there that you do try that for real, you both will be excited, curious, and invested.

Also, like when you are just after sex, you always can whisper in the ear of your partner, what will you do next time when you have sex.
That will linger in their mind, will be thinking about it, will make them smile, will hold an erotic tension in the air.

When you send a sexy text message, when you casually drop a remark while you are on your way out of the house, when you put on a clothing item you know your partner loves on (off) you … these all are mind games.

All the above are, of course, only to be tried, used, when you are wanting to keep a healthy, sexy vibration going on between you.

Sure, it is not for everybody.
And that is okay too.

But when you are open, ready, and willing to put in some effort for to have an even more exciting, more sexy relationship … the benefits are sweet and juicy.

Everything is energy

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Everything is energy.
It is science, it is fact.

It was expressed by Nikola Tesla as well as Albert Einstein and when it comes to science, they are kinda reliable sources 😉

On many different level spirituality is speaking about energy too.
Like right now a very intense happening is on; from the 26th of July till the 12th of August there is a strong energy movement, and its peak is today, the 8th of August, the pinnacle of the opening of the Lion’s Gate portal.
(When interested in details, he explains it well, I think https://www.facebook.com/ArcturianCodes )

Everything is energy, so it means so is nature, us, and every connection we have are also energetically charged, have a vibration.

Surely you heard of people (if you are not one of them) who are affected by the moon’s cycles, like their sleep is messed up at every full moon, or those who claim all their worries and wrinkles smooth out as soon as they are by the sea, or those who love walking in the rain as that always makes them feel better.

When it comes to people, again, you surely heard of, or might personally came across some after meeting with whom you always feel drained, or the exact opposite, happy and recharged, or when with them, you feel some unexplainable nervousness and so on.

We are influenced by energy coming from nature, animals, from other people and we are influencing others with our energies too, of course

Whenever you are experiencing any issues, arguments, negativity towards you, one thing you can do is to check your own energy.
What are you radiating?
Can that be a reflection of yours, coming back to you?
Maybe you need to shift a bit towards a calmer, more positive state.

No, I am not suggesting ‘hurray-optimism’, no I am not suggesting denying any real, own feelings and energies.

What I am suggesting is to check in with yourself if what you are radiating in that moment is really yours or you might have picked it up from somebody/something else and you are rolling with that.

Like when you are cranky, negative, angry, is it really because you are feeling so, or is that ‘stuck’ on you from a previous interaction and now you are coming from that energy and so are messing some more up around you.

You see, it is like a rolling ball.

When can go out into the world with a light, happy, calm energy, likely that people you come in contact with will be feeding from your positive energy, you will be meeting others on a similar energy level as you are on, or even on a higher one.

When, on the other hand, you realize that whatever good mood you are in, certain people always bring you down … well, the simple cure for that is to avoid contact with such people.

Yes, if you are in a close, meaningful relation to such a person, you always can invite them to talk, ask what is going on in their head, in their soul. They might will be gladly jumping on the opportunity and share with you what is their story, but it is also possible they are not even aware of them being such a dark cloud.

When in a relationship, it pays off being aware of self too.

It does make life more easy, it makes it more authentic and more smooth of a ride.

When you connect, communicate, love, have sex while you are radiating your own energies, your own feelings, your real self, it all gets on a higher level of amazing.

By all means on every level it worth the work having your energies cleaned, of being aware, of knowing of and protecting your high vibrating, light energy.

Be kind, keep on loving, vibe high!

The power of choice

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One always has the choice between saying the truth or lie.
Whatever you decide to say in any given situation, has consequences.
Sometimes those will affect only you, sometimes a few and sometimes many people.
The responsibility though is fully yours.

When you are losing people while being honest, voicing your truth then those were not your people to begin with.
When you are gaining a circle while lying, then you are building on swampy ground and for sure will come the time when it all falls down and buries you under the ruins.
Not a pretty face, not a hefty bank account, no parents, no lawyers, no friends, nothing and no one will save you from it.
The truth always finds a way to surface.

Yes, all this came to mind as I saw some bits and pieces of a recent court case.

And then along these lines …
It might be an unpopular opinion (don’t care), but I am sick and tired seeing, hearing stories, situations, working with people who suffered of, are suffering such ‘societal’ bonkers.

Meaning: certain traits got associated with and claimed to be done by men or done by women.
In the fight for equality among the sexes, to stop sexual abuse, somehow from one side of the horse we are falling over to the other side.
Seemingly people have serious difficulties sitting on the back of it, finding balance.

Yes, there are men who believe women are less of a species than them.
Yes, they behave as complete assholes, talk down on women, are mansplaining life to women, have the belief that sex with a woman is their, and only their decision of when and how, who think that women need their permission for everything and so on.

In this out of balance society though it is not recognized? or not believed? that there are women who are exactly on the same way towards men, who are real nasty bitches, only thinking of men as cash machines, who play men, who use men to advance their own lives, who use sex as a mean of getting what they want, who can lose their shit completely when a man is not fully following their demands.

The reality is that regardless of gender, a person is either decent or not.
Either a good human being or not.
Being hysterical, entitled, power hungry, pathological liar, abuser, a nuisance, letting out bad vibes, being simply repulsive can be just as much a man as a woman.
It is not the gender, it is the personality.

Sure, you can disagree with me, deny all the above, you can come with ‘yeah, but more men are like this, and more women are like that’ or whatever not.
None of it is changing what I am experiencing, seeing, and working with.
This is my truth.

The life of us all, and so the world, would be a much better place if we were accepting each other as equals regardless of gender, skin colour, religion, sexual preferences, financial state or whatever, and would clean up our intentions towards one another.

Wherever on this journey of life you are at, as long as you have a pulse, it is never too late to recognise you can get better at whatever and go for it.

At the end of this experience, called life we ALL end up as dust.
Nobody will be spared from the end, no power, no belief, no money will matter in that.
The only difference is, that in some cases we just sigh and say ‘finally’ and in other cases we say ‘what a loss’.

So!
Yes or no.
Lie or not.
Asshole or not.
Decent or not.
Accept or not.
Love or not.
…
All is a choice.

Throughout life it is always a choice.
Everything is a choice.
It is your life and that means your choice.
Grab and live with this power.
Own it!

Partners or/and parents

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A couple of days ago I attended a business get together.
The initial aim was networking and helping each other forward.
After some who is who, the discussions soon turned away from the original subjects and became one about relationships, more precisely about whether it is possible to keep a partnership alive and thriving when having kids or a drifting away, even divorce is inevitable.

The whole change of subject started by the introduction of one of the ladies, when she said she is just about reinventing herself, starting a small business all by herself after being married for 28 years and divorced for 1.
The kids grew up, she explained, flew out of the nest and she and her husband realized they had not much left in between them apart from living under the same roof as two somewhat distanced friends.
Also, she found herself ‘useless’, not knowing what to do with herself, as for the last 25 years of her marriage, her life was the family, was the raising of the kids.
Hence now the reinvention of herself.

Hmmm, the infamous ‘empty nest’ syndrome.

Unfortunately, many parents fall into the ‘trap’ of functioning almost exclusively as a parent from the time a child is born.

Naturally, a mother/father loves their seedling and wants to do everything for their well-being, but when it becomes exclusive and the relationship between the adults is not nurtured but everything revolves around the child – eat only what the child loves, adjust everything around the kid, family programs are dictated by the child’s interest, and so on – then it’s no wonder that the relationship is flattening out.

Instead of ‘fitting’ the child into the life of the parents, they change their life around nearly completely to accommodate every vibe of the child.

Of course, a child, regardless of age, will always remain a child to the parents, but it is important to note that in a healthy line-up the moment comes when the child begins to live their own life, starts to ‘peel off’ of the parents, gets onto their own path.
So, the child is a ‘transitional state’ in a long term relationship, and the relationship itself is the permanent element.

When it is not recognized and the focus fades off of the relationship of the parents, when their conversations become all about the kid(s), when they often are tired for each other, when intimacy and sex become a distant memory, when the ‘just the two of us’ times cease to exist, this is when the partnership starts to corrode.
Because a relationship does not deteriorate after x years, but steadily declines, flattens and at a certain point it gets realized that it is ‘broken’.

To avoid the melting away of a once loving relationship, it is essential that it is continuously nurtured, revitalized, worked on, so that it remains balanced, happy, and lasting.

Not to mention that the child also develops better, feels happier, gets more open to the world among balanced, happy parents, so it is important not only for mum and dad but also for the child that parents have time for themselves and each other.

It does not have to be anything super complicated.
Once a week, at least once every two weeks, take time, a few hours, for yourselves!
An only the two of you evening with a dinner out, a cinema, a theatre, a couple of drinks with friends, or staying in while the kid(s) are with the grandparents and enjoy a lazy, cuddling time, some form of intimacy, sex, a conversation when your full attention is on each other, anything that is about the two of you, that makes you connect with each other can work wonders in maintaining, reinforcing, keeping your relationship alive and happy.

Also, some time for yourself is also essential.
Everyone must find time to keep their body and soul in harmony.
Recharging, realigning means something different to everyone, it can be anything from a long bath to a good book, a lonely walk, some sport, hobby, anything, where the need to get/keep yourself in your best form, whatever that may mean to you, gets served.
Remember, you can give the best and most of yourself, when you are well, when you feel good in your own skin, when you are well both mentally and physically.

And yes, I hear the choir ‘but time’ and ‘but this’ and ‘but that’.

Against all outdated, nasty, downright stupid ‘societal’ and ‘Internet wise’ traditions, rules or whatnot, healthy selfishness is mandatory and can be learned!

One cannot afford to become a negligible, last in the line aspect.
It only hurts yourself and through this hurts your family.
Pretty counterproductive, right!?!

In any happy, balanced, healthy relationship it is true that you get as much time, care, love from the other person, as much you put in.
So think this over and adjust your priorities if you feel the need to do so.
It’s never too late to get, feel, live better!

What do I do?

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In this post I want to talk about my sex coaching as lately I got some questions and run into assumptions that were incorrect.

The emphasis is on my sex coaching as there are many different types out there, that vary not only in style but also in what they focus on.
There are sex teachers who help couples with the actual act of sex, show them what and how is possible, new ways and so on.
There are other educators who do similar work but specify on self-exploration.
Of course there are those professionals who help in case of any physical issues.
Obviously, there are some overlapping among all.

When you chose someone to work with, you have to understand the focus of their work and see if that aligns with you, with what and where you wish to be helped forward.

What I do is I work with you on you, on your mindset, your thinking, your soul, your possible hidden triggers and other similar ‘woowoos’ that can play part in why you do not enjoy sex as much as you could/should/would like to.

What does that even mean?
That when sex is not as one wishes it to be, and often even when one has some physical issues, there is nearly always some never thought of underlying issues, connections that one was not even thinking of that can do anything with their sex life.

More specifically, although it is true that sex is a physical action, it gets at its best only when one’s mind and soul are in it and are all in alignment.

To help you understand even more easily, let me use some examples.
Like the young man, who was dating, having relationships with women, and never felt content, always felt something is not right.
When we worked together, I asked, he answered, I made him go deep within himself, made him see who he really was/wanted to be, worked on deleting the stress points, the blocks, the dogma he was fed to and finally came his realization and acceptance, he is gay.
He became true to himself and is leading a happy life since.

The intelligent, bright woman in her late 30s who said sex was OK, but she never understood what the big wow was about it, and she kind of grew curious whether she was missing something.
Yes, she absolutely was, she realized it while working together.
She was ‘programmed’ to be a good wife, to take what she gets, to not have needs, to not nag her husband for more/less/different.
What a happily shocking surprise it was to her when finally she talked to her husband who was first completely taken aback with what she revealed but then was happy and willing to have an ongoing communication and exploration to up their sex life that is by now mutually satisfying, better than ever before.

Or the man who is a professional, strong, kind family man and in his 40s started to feel more and more often some sexual dissatisfaction.
His mind was telling him some stories, but it was conflicting his soul, his taught ways of how sex should be, and he had no knowledge of how to communicate his inner conflict to his partner.
While working together he learned to allow himself to have whatever feelings were coming up in him run their course, to be open and vulnerable in his communication to his partner, to bring up to her his new interest, discuss it and got to the point where they were able to start out on a new, mutually satisfying road in sex together.

You see, although sex itself is a physical act, when one is not knowing her/himself well, is not happy with her/himself, when that little inner voice is saying something else than what the ‘routine’ is, when sex becomes a routine, when listening to self and communicating with the partner/s is lacking or in the worst cases is not even existing, when mind, soul and body are not in harmony then it is impossible to have a fully satisfying, best ever sex life.

To achieve that harmony is where I help you when you come to work with me.
To reach the most self- identical, authentic self of you, and with that to have/do/enjoy the most of a mind-blowing, fully satisfying, fun, spontaneous, well communicated, amazing sex life.