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Spoiler alert

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A friend invited me to a movie festival to watch a film that is set in a specific sub-culture.
The trailer of the film – very promising; reviews – all high praise;  so my curiosity got topped with high expectations.
Went to watch the film.

Must mention that my friend is working in movie production and also I myself dabbled in that business for some years.
What I think is unquestionable, is that the actors were brilliant. Whatever was written for their characters, they had made the most of it. Amazing, very expressive, moving.
The camera work, lighting, costumes, props, atmosphere were great.
And that is where my (our) praise ends.
The dramaturgy was mediocre at best and the story, well, impossible.

Sub-cultures are not well represented in movies.
Also, unfortunately, we live in a world where anything away from “normal”- whatever that may be -, is looked upon as less than, disgusting or even evil.
So when someone sets out to do a film about one, I strongly believe they must do the most to introduce, show, represent that sub-culture as close to real and best as possible.
Movie makers have a huge responsibility in this respect.
Hundreds of thousand, even millions will watch what they make and people will believe what they saw is reality.
Some even will take what they saw as a (new) standard and will try to implement some elements into their lives.

And because of all that, and also because I have somewhat similar interest to what was portrayed in the film, I got angry, upset, sad and disappointed by the time the film was over.

In the reviews many cried up that it was a beautiful love story.
Well, I thought it was about emotional abuse, and the strength of one who by going through it all came out stronger, with more self-respect and more knowledge about himself.
The problem is, that it is not real!
This hardly ever happens. Just for the sake of never say never.
One who suffers it usually first falls into pieces and if lucky enough to get out of such a situation then it takes a pretty long time to get back on their feet again. They nearly all the time need all the help they can get to rebuild themselves, to understand what had happened to them and to realize it was not their fault.

This film is set in the gay, leather, BDSM biker scene where Dom/sub relationships are the normal.
Now I am not gay, nor a biker but I am into BDSM.
I am into it for deep enough and long enough to know what makes a Dom/me.
Also as a coach I know quite a bit about relationship ups and downs, problems, red flags.

In this film the sub main character is fully elaborate.
We find out who he is, what his background is, what does he work, where he is coming from, what he is missing, what does he want.
And he goes through character development.
But the Dom main character … we find out nothing, I mean NOTHING about him.
And nothing happens with his character either. He turns up as he is, does what he does and then he goes. That’s it.
For fuck’s sake he hardly even speaks.

Having a dominant (confident, assertive, competitive, decisive, aim to lead) or domineering  (arrogant, overbearing, authoritarian, disregard to feelings) personality absolutely does not mean that person is a Dom/me.
It must be understood. This is basic.
Such personalities are common, many can be seen for example in the business world, in politics, at any work place in the form of a micro-managing boss, or even as an unbearably controlling parent.
It is never based on consent.

A (good, real) Dom is something else.
They are confident, knowledgeable leader, great communicator, trustworthy, good listener, mentor, emotionally stable and open so are able to provide an emotionally safe environment.
Their “role” is always based on consent!

So call me old-fashioned, romantic, idealistic, hormonal, or whatever you want to but I believe he was not a Dom, but a dominant, even domineering personality who was emotionally damaged at some point from what he has never recovered and so he became an emotionally unavailable man, who had a stone wall around him. And as soon as the wall was cracking, although he might have enjoyed it, he run away from what might have developed into a real love story.
And in the process he confused, hurt the one who trusted him, who gave him all he had.

It was not as advertised, that was not a love story but from one side an act out of desperate lack of love and belonging, and form the other, emotional abuse, and selfish satisfaction of personal needs of an irresponsible man.

It is a real shame as this film could have been something amazing.
But like this, it was a harmful, a wasted opportunity.
In my opinion.

Pillion by Harry Lighton
Starring: Harry Melling and Alexander Skarsgård

Common sense

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It is frustrating, but in my experience the time has come, when the use of common sense in no matter what the subject is, has gone out of fashion.
In fact, I’ll go further, there are more and more people who don’t even know what it is.

For the sake of clarity, here is the Cambridge Dictionary’s definition of what “common sense” is: the basic level of practical knowledge and judgement that we all need to help us live in a reasonable and safe way.

Well, I belong to Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1980), and I think we still knew, we know what it is, what it is good for, and how to use it.
But those younger than us, and the younger they are, the less they seem to have any idea of it.

This phenomenon is really strange, because it is about the children and grandchildren of Generation X.
Knowing “ourselves”, I doubt that this would be a conscious process on our part, that we keep this ability to ourselves, do not pass it on, do not teach it, quasi making ourselves the last guardians of this secret weapon.

But then how is this striking difference possible?

I have no better idea than the Internet.
It was invented and made operational back in 1983, and made publicly available on April 30, 1993.
It was an amazing idea, a technical achievement to help, teach, and support connections that connect the world.
That means that the youngest of us, the Xs, was already 13 years old when this technology became available to the general public, so we grew up without it.

Today, however, we are at a point where it is available in most parts of the world, and more than 67% of the 8 billion people living on earth are connected to it.

We also know that its use is not tied to any IQ (or EQ) test.
However, statistical data shows that there is a higher percentage of people on earth with below-average IQ than above-average IQ.
IQ above 111: 21%
IQ between 91 and 110 (the AVERAGE IQ): 50%
IQ below 90: 29%

In light of these numbers, we can say that especially “thanks” to social media, more untrue, incorrect, dumb, downright stupid content is posted on the Internet than real, factual, supportive information.
And this insight was recently confirmed when the widespread use of AI (Artificial Intelligence) began, and it produced a lot of incomprehensibly stupid material, since AI uses information found on the Internet.
The research that was started as a result of this, determined that less than 50% of the information, materials, and news found on the Internet is real, is true.

So, from all this, I concluded that the generations that come after us, for whom smartphone, computer, and Internet use form the “basis of their existence,” operate from a set of information that is less than 50% true.
Since their “addiction” develops very early, and they spend most of their time hanging out on the Internet and social media, they don’t have time to look around in real life, talk to others, ask questions, learn to argue meaningfully, and master the “miracle” of common sense.

And finally, to bring this whole train of thought into my own “house”, I have no reason to be surprised that relationships don’t work well, that people are so ignorant about sex, that girls have surreal expectations of boys, that boys try to imitate talking heads who spout incredibly unrealistic, hurtful kind of “principles”.
That girls and boys alike attack, call each other names, and belittle each other because of their appearance, that they laugh at those with a more complex worldview, since in order to understand them, they should need to think, that they question and trample on human and personal rights that are clear to those with common sense.

So, as a result of a wonderful friend of mine’s suggestion, I think from now on I’ll switch from being titled as a relationship and sex coach to a common sense coach.
After all, if there is no common sense, chaos reigns supreme, but if there is, it provides a solid foundation for development and construction in everything.
In relationships, in sex, in communication too!

I think.

Traffic like relationship

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You might find it strange, but I think it’s worth reading.

I assume you take part in traffic.
By car, motorcycle, bike, and even if you are on foot, you still can see, perceive, in some way you are a part of the following.
In theory, traffic has rules, in theory, traffic is like a board game in which you pay/should pay attention to each other, where you can/could show your courteous side.

But why in theory? If you take part in traffic, you already know, but here are some examples of what I think why:
– they go through the red light as if it were mandatory
– if you want to change lanes, it’s a real miracle if someone lets you in
– if you let someone in, that person is indecisive and reacts slowly, because they are so used to being not let in
– at intersections they don’t pay attention to whether they’ll pass fully, they just go because it’s green for them, and if they get stuck in the middle, then ‘so it is’ … but if they can’t move because of someone else got stuck, they curse and threaten
– and my favourite, the turn signal! It is a fucking brilliant invention if you use it! The turn signal used at the right time, indicating the right direction (in which you will actually turn to) helps the others, and makes the course of traffic easier.

For me it is all like a relationship!

But why? Because a good relationship also has rules, and unfortunately for many, these rules are also only exist in theory, if at all.

After all:
– some people go through the red light without thinking, is like they ignore their partner’s boundaries, requests and wishes, they just go and do what and how they think it should be
– changing lanes is like communication, you ask, you tell, you explain, but your partner doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, ignores you
– letting someone in is when you listen, you hear the other person, you are attentive, caring, and the other person is surprised, because s/he was not used to this in their previous relationship/s
– not caring at intersections is an analogy of when one person says, does, makes things within a relationship, but when their partner does or says the same things, they are offended, are fractious
– and for me the turn signal equals communication. If you use it, if you apply it well, the relationship can flow easily and with significantly fewer obstacles. Whereas when you don’t use it, you just expect your partner to know it like a mind-reader that what, when, and how you want, then there will occur many pitfalls and problems.

So for me the parallel is strong.
And so there is place for improvement both in how we behave in traffic as well as in relationships.
What do you think?

How not to be obtuse

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The Internet is a great thing.
With its help we can stay in contact with one another even across the world, we can find out any information in a few minutes, we can watch movies, listen to music, have a look at basically any location of the world, and so on.

And exactly this is the drawback of it too.
In a few minutes you can find any kind of an information and its 180-degree contradictory one too.

Books are amazing.
Only whatever is in them is through the writer’s filters.

Unfortunately, many people who read something on the internet, in a paper or in a book, hear things on the news, by certain people in certain positions, they believe it without a shadow of a doubt, basically taking everything on face value without ever questioning it, looking behind it, checking facts, or just using common sense.

‘Americans are frank and direct in dealings with others.
Spaniards are more open to chat than most other European cultures.
Germans do not admit faults, even jokingly, and rarely hand out compliments.
Australians have an easy-going, friendly attitude.
Chinese people are very modest and not accustomed to show their feelings in public.’

Above five statements are all from the internet.

Due to my travels and dealings with people of many different nationalities, I can say I had quite contrasting experiences too, with people from the above-mentioned Countries.

Along these lines, I must say, not all religious people are fanatics; not all gay men wear shiny, glittery clothes; not all men are a threat to women, or to kids; not all atheists live without values; not all women want kids; not all old people are grumpy; not all young people are irresponsible; not all homeless people are alcoholic and/or drug addicts; not all Jews are rich; not all black people are criminals; not all politicians are stupid without an idea of the real world; … and so on.

And this is where travel and face to face communication come into the picture.

When you travel you see, hear, experience with your own eyes, ears, senses, brain.
It is, in my view, always the most reliable source of making up your own opinion.

Like you saw photos of that gorgeous beach, but you won’t know till you get there that it is only a hundred meters out of the whole stretch, the rest is stony, dirty, neglected.
You were told that city is gorgeous, very romantic, only when you get there will you see its streets are full of trash.
You read reviews of a place that were not the least bit enthusiastic, said it was a plain, boring one. Only when you get there can you find that it has some unique, hidden gems that was well worth your time and money.

Of course, it works like this not only with locations.

Exactly the same applies to people, cultures, traditions.
To everything really.
Okay, maybe not so much so to science.

They told you, you read that ‘those’ people are ‘bad’.
First of all, it is a generalization.
There are no nationalities, minorities, believers of whatever, pursuers of any profession, people of the same sexuality, of the same age group, of the same gender … in which all the people of that given group are the same.
Even though the general narrative suggests they are.

Do not fall for it.

Get out of your own tiny bubble, talk to people, ask questions, connect, and travel.
Even if it is within your own Country, you already will have a wider view.
With 100 percent certainty I can say, you will have some ‘wow’ moments.

In general, before you accept anyone’s opinion on anybody, on any kind of a group of people, have some personal experiences.
Talk to some of those people, ask questions, communicate.

The easiest, and often the most harmful is just blindly, deafly, mindlessly believe what others tell you on anybody, or on any group of people.

Especially because it can vary from silly gossip to a biased opinion, to a purposefully damaging statement, to declaring whatever in order to support the agenda of the person saying it.

So please, use your mind, your common sense, filter such ‘facts’ through your experiences and form your own opinion.
Be open and willing to discussions.

Be kind, be caring, be allowing, lead with love.
Let’s be a part of forming a better, safer world for all of us.

Communication tripping stones

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The other day I posted a comment on Facebook.
The original post was nicely written and with a question to all who cared to answer, and as you could guess it, some of the answers were not written with goodwill, and some were not even on the subject.
So, after reading them all, I wrote this (slightly edited version here):

‘Here is how I see it (nothing personal, it is what I am seeing, experiencing in general, so if it is not you, then just don’t take offence): we all are expats in here.
It is not England, it is not the US, it is not any other place.
Here people are differently socialized, have different culture, different taste in food, different in many ways.
When you are complaining that the English breakfast at place xyz is served with not English sausage, than it is your problem, not the establishment’s.
As I see it, many places are trying to accommodate your wanting a homey feeling away home, only it seems it is not enough for you … so maybe just pack your bitter soul and go back home, where everything is as you got used to, everything is as you want it to be.
On the other hand, many things are similar.
Like when you go in to a place and you smile and greet the people working in there, they will appreciate it.
When a door was closed, you went in and you don’t close it, so the staff or other patrons have to close it behind you, they won’t be happy.
When you don’t speak the local language and you don’t even ask if they can help you in English, you just assume they can’t and walk away upset because they didn’t speak to you automatically in English, locals will not be happy either.
For many some more common sense, understanding of where you are, a bit more effort to fit in wouldn’t hurt.
And when you don’t like how life is here then just move on.
Have no right to expect the locals to change into English or American or whatever other ways.’

And then someone answered this to me:
‘Please think about not using the word expat – it’s outdated, post-colonial and politically insensitive. I for one do not identify with this narrative. We are all immigrants.’

My answer to him was:
‘English is not my first language, so I checked the Oxford Dictionary:
expat – a person who lives outside their native Country
immigrant – a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign Country’

He never replied to this one.

And I wasn’t even adding this from Wikipedia:
‘An expatriate is a person who resides outside their native country. In common usage, the term often refers to educated professionals, skilled workers, or artists taking positions outside their home country, either independently or sent abroad by their employers.’

The https://www.expat.com/ website was built exactly for such people. Now with over 3.200.000 members, it is helping all those expats all over the world to find their ways easier in their new location, to connect with others, to have a better experience.
And none seem to have an issue with the term: expat.

Why am I bringing all this here, into a blog post?
Because it shows some (unfortunately) usual communication glitches.

One is being, although I wrote quite a bit, and yes, it was about expats/immigrants but not about how they are called, but their behaviour was the subject which he ignored completely.
He decided to pick one word that he didn’t agree with and comment on that.
Nothing about the original question, nothing about my answer to it.
This is a typical case of non-comprehension of a text.

And this is a reason why you are never responsible for what people understand of what you say or write, as they will perceive it on their own level of understanding, knowledge, openness.
Now this guy is a stranger to me, so I don’t mind him not getting the real meaning of what I wrote.
Plus he unintentionally provided the idea for this blog post 😉

Of course, when you feel someone who is important to you didn’t get what you were really saying or writing, then by all means try to explain it with different words, try using a different angle to make yourself understood.
Communication is vital in life in general, communication is vital in a relationship.
So when you want someone to get you, then you have to put in the effort to help them tune in to your logic, your ways of seeing things.
And of course, you have to be open to accept their different logic and different ways of seeing things.
The aim is to find that magical place where you both (all) feel heard, paid attention to, respected and understood.

The other thing for me, is that he says he does not approve of my choice of word, so he ‘corrects’ it and uses his preferred word ‘we all are immigrants’.
With this he basically declared that I was wrong, and he is right.
Thinks him.
But even the dictionary does not support him.

So, this brings me to say, that next time when you don’t ‘approve’ or ‘agree’ with someone’s choice of word or opinion, you simply say (if you must) that you have another preferred word instead, that you have a different opinion.

Because regardless of whatever, whenever, wherever, you are entitled to choose your own words, to have your own opinion.
You are entitled to have one that is different to the majority’s, that is unpopular, that is rare, that is unique.
What you are, on the other hand, never entitled to, is to cancel someone else’s words, or opinion just because you don’t like it, you don’t approve of it.

Kindness, mutual respect, acceptance, open heart and open mind.
Values worth having, values worth practicing.
In my opinion.

They don’t care …

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Since it’s still January, and the energies only recently are turning completely into the “new momentum” of 2023 (and because there is a lot of negative, shitty, depressing news and happenings coming at us from the world), I feel that a rougher “I’ll help you sort yourself out” type of writing wants to be here.

Buckle your seatbelts!

I am not interested in the so-called big politics, I am not interested in the few “dark knights” who supposedly are ruling the world, I am not interested in the world economy … on the level, that all kinds of, for a good amount of money turned into ass-licker, media serve it to us, “average people”.
I am not interested, because I’ve known for some time that many things have nothing to do with reality, that a large percentage of them are bent along certain interests, and that the truth, the complete truth, is damn hard to find out, if it’s ever possible at all.

In this I got my first lesson when I was still working in film production.
Fact, that was the deciding moment about the tabloid category I knew “well, I won’t believe a word they say in the future”.

It just so happened that an article was published in which an actor was torn to shreds about what he did some nights earlier.
The “only” problem was that that actor filmed with us on that ominous evening described in the article, hundreds of kilometers away from the location indicated in the article.
As it turned out, that piece was also part of a campaign trying to discredit that actor.

This is where this process started for me.

Then it continued when I worked in tourism.
Somehow I learned that there are awards and recognitions that almost anyone can win, it’s all just a matter of money and “bribe” and “venality”.

Then, when I was already active as a coach, I noticed that there are widely known people who call themselves coaches and motivational speakers, who, without batting an eye, use materials, make statements, express thoughts, but just “forget” to mark and mention their origin.

For the “perpetrators” in all 3 mentioned categories it still works today … because of you.
Because of the average person.
After all, the tabloids sell to you; in tourism, these companies show their awards to you, to make themselves more attractive to you; and “coaches” and “motivational speakers” also profit from you with their unoriginal, stolen materials that are used without indicating the source.

How is all this possible?
That you don’t ask, you don’t check, you just “eat” what they put in front of you.

And this is exactly why big politics, the world economy, and the “dark knights” or anyone can feed/sell anything to the masses.

Well, and as unpleasant as it sounds, it starts with you.

How?
In the way that you were taught that superiors cannot be questioned.
That old people should be respected.
That x is something you have to believe in, to be considered as a good person.
That you are a “real” man if you work yourself half dead and provide for your family and don’t show your emotions.
That you are a “real” woman if you give birth, excel in washing, cooking, cleaning and put everyone before yourself.
I won’t continue, I think you feel it.

Against all these:
Why wouldn’t the superiors be asked? When and how did they become infallible?
Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they deserve respect.
A few hundred or a few thousand kilometers away, something else is considered to be the definition of a good person.
“Real” is not an adjective that can be defined socially as a whole, but can only and exclusively be given by the partner, so this adjective has (also) infinite interpretations.

So that you wouldn’t need to fight every day with who is covering you with what, be it the media or any social network, you have to whip yourself, your life into shape.
In order to be able to live what and how you really want, first you need to know yourself, to know who you really are, what you want, what things and values are important to you.
And you also need to know: we are not the same and that is wonderful. So you don’t have to become anything if you don’t feel that as your identity. You do the best for yourself and for the world, when you are your authentic self.

And I shouldn’t even ask, if media workers can lie without batting an eye, if companies can buy themselves certain recognitions, if those who award them can be corrupted, if coaches and motivational speakers can reach the masses with plagiarized material, then why shouldn’t lie the stars off of the sky the politicians, those who manage the world economy, the “dark knights”?

I don’t think this current “order” from the top down will ever change for the better.
However, I do believe that if more and more of us, the “average people” understand,
that everyone has the right to live their own life as they wish (as long as it does not cause any harm to others),
that we cannot take out our frustrations about our own lives on others,
that if we do not erase, rewrite certain parts of our history, but face them and learn from them,
if we try not to do anything to others that we would hate to happen to us,
if we tried to help each other more, support each other better,
if allowing, understanding, care and love would rule the critical mass,
then we can achieve that there are no people in politics and on social networks who shout the opposite of all these for their own personal (usually purely material) interests.

It could be a much better, more liveable, significantly more harmonious, happier place, all it takes, is that we don’t wait for the “big guys”, always for someone else to do something!?!
We should do it!
The “average people”, the you and the me.

PS: In 1991 and 1995 Michael Jackson already sang all this … it would be time to act …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q

A wish list from me to you

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Happiness
Health
Love
Wealth
Success
Beauty
Motivation
Connections
Soulfulness
Courage
Positivity
Fabulousness
Magic
Healing
Kindness
Empowerment
Peace
Laughter
Tolerance
Dreams
Enthusiasm
Fun
Abundance
Optimism
Intimacy
Balance
Ecstasy
Genuity
Inspiration
Resilience
Authenticity
Passion
Wisdom

And here are two songs in case you need a mood uplift.
Both can be listened to at any time – although one of them is Christmas themed – as what they say is valid all year round, in any situation.
You do deserve it all and you are able to fight for yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7lqYSD22jw 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

Merry Everything, Happy Always!

Movies vs. Life

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Woah … pure WTF!
People are going crazy because in a new movie a sex scene is too dark, showing a man in power taking advantage of a not sober woman.
Crowds are flipping out because in another movie a fictional character got portrayed with a different skin colour then before.
Some complain that in a film a criminal’s story was not shown exactly as it happened in real life.
A women called boycott against a new movie because those portrayed witchcrafts and spells can come through the screen and affect all those watching.
Others are in shock that what age differences were between actors playing couples in movies.
Also, why are straight persons impersonating gay people on screen, why is this character white and not coloured, or the other way round.
Or that character should have had different body size, hair colour, costume, whatever not.
… and it goes on. Endlessly.

People are putting time, energy, effort into collecting things that they do not approve in MOVIES.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

Movie, by definition, is a ‘recording of moving images that tells a story and that people watch on a screen or television’.
Story, by definition, is a ‘description, either true or imagined, of a connected series of events’.
Script, by definition, is a ‘written work for a film, television show, or other moving media, that expresses the movement, actions and dialogue of characters. Screenplays, or scripts, are the blueprint for the movie’.
Script writer, by definition, is ‘someone who writes stories for movies, television programs, radio, etc.’.

Movies show stories written by creative people, who might use some elements of real-life events, might have the whole story as an original idea of theirs and might combine the two.

Also, in movies the characters are played by actors.
Actor, by definition, is ‘someone whose job is to play a character in films or plays’.

So, what does all that leave us with?
That movies are not reality.
That actors are people who in their job impersonate certain creatively written characters. An actor is not their role. They are a person and playing a role is their job.
Movies do not equal real life.

Can you wrap your head around this?!?!

On the other hand, those who lash out with some above-mentioned kind of ‘complaints’ about a movie, are just simply people who, very likely, have no guts to face their own reality, to face the issues in their own lives, who fall into the ‘karen’ and/or ‘snowflake’ category.

Real life gives us enough issues to take care of.
Imagine what amazing of a positive change it could bring if all that time, energy, and effort of that many people was put into something that would really mean something.
Like stopping human trafficking, child abuse, bullying, discrimination of all kinds, sexual exploitation, …

Oh yes, these might hit home too strong.
One would need to look into the mirror and see their own faults.
And that shit is difficult.
Only the emotionally strong ones are able to do that.

Only them, who can have a look at their own lives and see what and where can be improved.
Not picking details from movies.

Only them, who in real life explain to their kids that making fun of their classmate just because they are different on any level is not okay.
Not complaining that x movie was not portraying such issue correctly.

Only them, who can in real life, stop their colleague from harassing someone in the office.
Not criticizing an actress in a film for showing more skin so she asked for it.

Only them, who can, in real life, protect one in a public space when gets attacked for any kind of different appearance.
Not joking about how in that movie the actor wasn’t even really gay.

Only them, who have ears for people in their lives to hear and help them on some way with their mental health issues.
Not laughing about a character in a movie suffering with mental health and calling them pussy.

Only them, who see and understand that women and men, all, may have issues and may are in need of help.
Not showing that movie to their kids and telling them not to be the ‘weak shit’ asking for help.

Only them, who can look at their own actions and do better whenever, wherever they can.

Life is constant change.
You can change.
You can help others to change.
Aim better, aim higher.
Be that emotionally strong person, who cleans up their own life and helps others to get better too.

Stop mixing things up.
Movies are for entertainment, watch them for that.
Life is the real deal, be present in it, make the most and best of it.

Annoyed and ranting

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Sexuality is part of every human being.
Sex is an activity exercised by most human beings.

It is obvious that there are many problems around these subjects worldwide, rooting in not understanding, not knowing, in lack of support, in lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-confidence.
Of course, in these cases, as with anything, education is the answer.
It is highly likely it would be a tremendous improvement towards solving all such issues for future generations if teenagers could learn openly about them.
Unfortunately, there is still no (or only in a few countries) education on them integrated into school curriculums.
For adults it is also not easy to find ways to get themselves educated if they feel the need to.

At the same time, there are many of us, coaches, trainers, psychologists, therapists around the world who see these problems and are/would be willing to take on the task of talking / teaching / helping.
And of course, we are doing exactly that within our offered services.

For that, we want to show ourselves, advertise, make it easy for people to find us.
We want to be easily visible so we could help all those in need, those who are ready and willing to improve, to learn, to solve certain issues.
And this where we all get screwed big time!

On the internet, let it be in or out of social media platforms there is a ‘witch hunt’ going on.
The word ‘sex’ cannot be written as is. Must come up with creative lettering ( s e x, s@x, …) if we want to talk about it.
Photos to illustrate what we are saying must not show much skin, nor be sexually explicit as they say it.
When we write ‘sexual education’, we get punished by being restricted in visibility.
In any situation we want to explain something we are forced to use ‘flower language’ that makes things more complicated, less effective.
You get the picture.

All because the word ‘sex’ got demonised by collecting all activities from masturbation to consenting adults making love to rape and exploitation of kids under the same word.

Yes, I know, Web and dark web.
Yes, I know, AI.
Yes, I know, there are many explanations and excuses.

Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I am sick and tired that us, who want to help, who want to make it easier for people to find understanding, non-judgemental pair of ears, to provide possible life saving resources are forced back to our own little corners, and so us being found is by sheer luck.

I am mad that because those who created the systems had no knowledge on the subject, no willingness to categorise, nor understanding of the consequences of their doing, of that the damage is continuous.
They form and play the system in their own favour and show up as the keeper of values, as the saviours of the world.
They say we have to be kept in line, they say they are saving kids from our bad influence, improper content … at the same time they are letting real shit be present and be on the internet.

When I say sex is good, love is love and I can help you to feel good about yourself, then I need to be closely monitored, even denied access to certain services, restricted in visibility, etc.

So yeah, I am fed up and sick of this hypocrisy and all those hypocrites who blow the same whistle.

And I don’t care if some in power try to turn things back as they were in the 1950’s, if the internet is keep coming up with further restrictions, I won’t shut up!
I will still preach, maybe even louder, to all who listens that sex is amazing, that sex is to happen between consenting adults, that it is nobody else’s business of how and with whom you live your sex life with as long as is between legal aged, consenting partners, that there is no constitutionally wrong way or right way of having sex, that sex is healthy, that sex is fun.
That your life is yours to have, yours to live.
That your relationship has to satisfy you and your partner(s) and nobody else.
That your body is yours and you do with it as you want to.

Take charge of your life, don’t give up, don’t give in!

Live, laugh, love

Mind games – the best kind

/in , , , /by

Warning: NOT for the faint of heart!

Sex is not a purely physical activity. I mean great sex is not.

It all starts in the mind.
What do I mean?

Well, in a loving, healthy, balanced relationship the partners want to get to know one another, they want to do things that the other likes, that pleases the other. Obviously not only in sex.
In sex too.

Also, people change, their likes and dislikes change, their moods change, their wants and needs change.
All that is natural, all that is normal.
As one learns more of life, gains more experiences, and so on, all that makes changes inevitable.

It is not always that one declares that now this or that has changed, that their interest has shifted but when one pays attention to the other then can pick up signs from the partner and can ask, can act on those signs.

So, coming back to today’s subject, sex:
when watching a movie and something sparks an interest, when overhearing a conversation and there is something that tickles your curiosity, when any verbal or visual stimuli makes you curious and, in your mind, you start playing out scenarios how that particular thing could be brought into your sex life, the mind game starts already.

And when you are ready to share that with your partner, let’s say in the evening, after dinner while sipping on a glass of drink, you start telling the whole story, how, where this is coming from, what is that excites you in it, that you’d be willing to bring that into your sex life, at least for a try, … now you are playing a mind game with your partner.
You are not doing anything, ‘just’ are having some sexy chat … and when your partner likes the idea, their mind starts to wander too.
Keep it fun and exciting so even if you both are willing to give it a try, don’t do it on that night, let both of your minds, imaginations have some ‘play times’.
When you eventually get there that you do try that for real, you both will be excited, curious, and invested.

Also, like when you are just after sex, you always can whisper in the ear of your partner, what will you do next time when you have sex.
That will linger in their mind, will be thinking about it, will make them smile, will hold an erotic tension in the air.

When you send a sexy text message, when you casually drop a remark while you are on your way out of the house, when you put on a clothing item you know your partner loves on (off) you … these all are mind games.

All the above are, of course, only to be tried, used, when you are wanting to keep a healthy, sexy vibration going on between you.

Sure, it is not for everybody.
And that is okay too.

But when you are open, ready, and willing to put in some effort for to have an even more exciting, more sexy relationship … the benefits are sweet and juicy.